


Sometimes, a Lifetime

by siophiefandom



Category: Paily - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 14:31:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 71,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18812848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siophiefandom/pseuds/siophiefandom
Summary: Paige and Emily have known each other for as long as they can remember. Why can't they see that they were meant to be together? Sometimes, love takes its time.Originally posted to fanfiction dot net March, 2019





	1. Baby Sharks

Pam Fields did her best to keep her back straight as she leaned forward on the couch, hoping that good posture would equate to a good impression. She was smiling nervously, and she kept clearing her throat, trying to fill in any lulls in the conversation. She found herself nudging her husband, Wayne, a lot, and over the littlest things; – something that she hated doing. She never wanted to be that kind of wife. But this was an important visit, and she didn't want to blow it.

Marlene McCullers was oozing a confident smile as she set a tray of canapés on the on the coffee table in front of her guests. As she turned aside, she flashed the briefest of smirks at her husband and rolled her eyes. Pam and Wayne were obviously out of their element. Inviting the new neighbors over for a social visit was the correct thing to do, but in this case, it felt almost like an act of charity.

"So, you're in the armed forces?" Nick asked, desperate for something to get the conversation started.

"Yes, sir. Captain, US Army." Wayne's voice was confident and secure, the result of years of training.

"And you moved into the old Grafton house?" Marlene's voice was gruff, giving off the slightest air of superiority. Her voice held the barely noticeable affect of a New England accent around its edges, which made it seem out of place in Rosewood, a sleepy little town in the Philadelphia suburbs. She sounded as if she were slightly tipsy, but Pam would later come to learn that her voice always sounded like that.

The question about the Grafton house was more of an accusation. Marlene couldn't figure out what made Pam and Wayne think that they could afford to live in a town like Rosewood, on an army captain's salary.

"Well, Wayne's kind of handy," Pam said, touching her husband's arm reflexively. "He likes to have a project or two to work on around the house. Don't you, Honey?" Wayne grunted slightly, not feeling the need to impress their hosts. "And we wanted to move to a community with, you know, better schools." Pam crinkled her nose as she spoke. "We've got to do what's best for our daughter."

"Well," Nick mused, staring through the glass of wine in his left hand as he spoke, "You can't do much better than the Rosewood School District."

"So we've heard," Pam said with a nervous chuckle, looking at her husband. She raised her glass of wine gingerly to her lips, as if she had only been given permission to do so by seeing Nick take a sip from his glass. Wayne, for his part, reached for an hors d'œuvre, only to have Pam censure him with a glare, placing a napkin into his hand and mouthing a warning for him to slow down. He shifted his weight on the couch, resisting the urge to check his watch to see how long they'd been there.

Pam cleared her throat again and tucked back her hair as silence descended on the room. Then, she crinkled her forehead and craned her neck as she saw a shadow approaching from the hallway. Tipped off by her stare, Nick and Marlene turned their heads to see what was going on. It was their daughter, Paige, who had just toddled quickly onto the periphery of the living room. Her face was flushed, and she was smiling as if she'd just done something that she knew she wasn't supposed to do.

"Paige?" Pam offered with a welcoming smile.

Paige took a quick look at the four adult faces clustered on the living room furniture and turned, making a quick retreat back down the hallway.

Moments later, she was back, with the same ruddy cheeks and the same guilty smile. Marlene sighed plaintively, as if embarrassed by the bad manners of Paige's interruption. Once again, Paige caught sight of the adults and turned, quickly toddling off.

"I'd better see what's going on," Marlene grunted, standing up and moving towards the television. "Excuse me," she added, reaching for a remote, which she used to turn on the TV and switch it to channel four. "One of Nick's colleagues is an electronics genius," Marlene explained. "Saved us a ton of money on hiring a nan…"

Her thoughts were interrupted as the video kicked in, just as Paige made it back into her bedroom, where she and Emily had been playing. As soon Paige she walked through the door, Emily put her in a headlock, one arm below her head and the other above, and kissed her on the lips, smiling. Paige smiled at her for a second before she made her trip down the hallway again.

"Aww!" Pam oozed, looking into her husband's eyes. When she looked at Nick and Marlene, though, she saw the thinly veiled horror with which they were monitoring the interchange. "I.. should probably go get Emily," she said, apologetically, setting her glass aside and rising to her feet.

Wayne was quick to seize the opportunity, and quick to stand up next to his wife. "Yeah, it's been a long day for her," he quipped. "We should probably get her home." Pam looked at him, pleading. It was too soon for them to bail on the night. The damage had already been done, though. All that she could do was roll with it. "Can we help you clean up?" she asked tentatively.

"Oh, don't be silly," Marlene gruffed.

"Next time, I hope we can stay longer," Pam said moments later, as the three visitors and their two hosts said their good-byes in the doorway.

No sooner was Wayne's truck out of the driveway than Nick and Marlene turned to each other and burst into laughter.

"I guess that's the longest Wayne's been forced to keep a necktie on since… boot camp!" Nick joked. "I mean, did you see that guy? That thing must have been tied way too tight. He looked as if his head was going to explode!"

As they turned to head back to the living room, Marlene caught sight of the bottle on the table in the entryway. "Oh, I should've sent that 'wine' – so called – back home with them!" she lamented. She picked up the wine with two fingers and held it at an angle, as if worried she might be infected by it. "Honestly, I thought wine like this only came in a box."

"Or in a brown paper bag!"

"It probably set them back a couple of paychecks," Marlene muttered under her breath.

"Did she say that she works outside the home?"

Marlene exuded a world-weary sigh. "She'll probably have to, if they want to be able to pay the property taxes on the Grafton house. And he's planning to fix up that old ramshackle place all by himself? Good Lord!" Marlene laid her forearm across her head like a Southern belle with the vapors. "Can you imagine? Lumber piled up on the lawn, some old, rusted pickup truck parked on the lawn, and machinery running all day and all night? Oh, my word!"

"Well, I just hope he knows what he's doing," Nick sighed. "It would be good to have that eyesore fixed up, in the long run, I suppose."

* * *

Wayne had his tie off before Pam had gotten Emily secured in the car seat. "I told you that I didn't need to wear this ridiculous thing," he barked accusingly.

"Well, it's always important to make a good first impression," Pam said, slipping into her seat and into her seatbelt.

"A good impression? On those guys? Pam, I couldn't give two sh…"

"Wayne!" Wayne rolled his eyes. "I know," Pam said, placing her arm on her husband's thigh. "I get it, okay? They're stuck up, condescending, rich people, but they're the only ones who made any kind of overture towards us. They invited us into their home, and that has to count for something." Wayne huffed and kept his eyes on the road. "You had fun, didn't you, Emmy?" Emily, too young to answer in words, cooed at the excitement in her mother's voice and on her face. Turning back to Wayne, Pam mused, "I didn't realize it before, but that's the way I kiss you good-bye in the morning."

"Yeah, what the hell was she kissing their kid like that for?"

"Wayne!" Pam slapped his shoulder, both for the language that he had used in front of their daughter and for his tone. "She's a  _kid_! That's what kid's do! They imitate behavior that they see in adults. That's how they learn how to interact with other people." Pam paused, thinking, for a moment, that it was best to let it go, but, in the end, she couldn't keep her thoughts to herself. "My goodness, did you see how confused it made Paige?" Pam shook her head and lowered her voice, half-talking to herself as she continued. "Obviously not a lot of affection being shown in that family, is there?"


	2. People Like Us

Pam Fields worried that they had done the wrong thing, moving to Rosewood. She had worried from the start that they wouldn't be accepted among the wealthy families, who would look down on them. Wayne's attitude was that it didn't matter what the other families thought. They had every right to live there, and nobody was going to keep them out. Pam eventually came around to his side, for Emily's sake. But after their experience at dinner with Nick and Marlene, she started second-guessing the move. What good was it to send Emily to the best schools if she wouldn't have any friends?

Pam didn't have high hopes when she took Emily to play at the playground in back of the community center. She foresaw herself playing with Emily, while the other little girls and boys - and their parents - kept their distance from her. She was pleasantly surprised when a little girl with blonde curls came over, brimming with confidence, tagged Emily on the shoulder, and quickly ran off. Emily looked up at Pam with a hopeful smile. Pam nodded that it was okay, and Emily ran after the little girl.

Pam backed her way over to a bench, never taking her eyes off of her daughter. Shortly after she sat down, one of the other mothers joined her.

"Hi," she said, extending her hand before sitting down. "You're new in town, right? I'm Ashley Marin."

"Pam Fields."

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you," Ashley said, smiling at the excessive formality of their greeting. "That's my little girl, Hanna," she said, pointing to the girl who had started the game of tag with Emily.

"And that's my Emily," Pam replied. Ashley nodded.

"So, you're the ones who brought the old Granville house?" When Pam nodded, Ashley laid a hand on her shoulder. "Well, God bless you! I don't think I'd ever have the patience to tackle that project!"

"I know, right?" Pam laughed, throwing her head back. "My husband and I keep asking ourselves what we could've been thinking."

"Well, if you need the name of a good contractor…"

"Thanks, thanks," Pam said, even though she knew that they couldn't afford to hire contractors to do the was no need to bring that up, and risk driving a wedge between herself and her new friend - and between Emily and her new friend - before they even had a chance to get close.

* * *

Emily and Hanna went on to become best friends. The older they grew, the stronger the bond between became. It was almost like being cousins, or even sisters. Their play-dates were the highlights of Emily's week.

"I'm the queen!" Hanna announced, wearing a princess dress and a plastic crown.

"Your majesty," Emily replied sincerely.

"And you're my king," Hanna said, putting another crown on Emily's head.

"Eww!" Emily said, insulted. "I'm not a king! I'm a girl! I'm a princess!"

"But you have to be the king," Hanna insisted. "Every queen has to have a king. And it's our wedding day."

"Fine," Emily huffed. "But I'm not dressing like a boy!"

Hanna put her penguin stuffed-animal on her dresser and stood in front of it, facing Emily. She started singing "Da da da da," to the tune of "Here comes the bride," and Emily joined in.

"Okay," Hanna said, moving the penguin back and forth as if it were the one saying the words. "You may all sit, now. Time for the king to marry the queen!" She turned the penguin towards Emily and muttered some gibberish. "Say, 'I do,'" the penguin prompted.

"I do," Emily said.

The penguin said some gibberish to Hanna, again ending with, "Say, 'I do.'" Hanna complied.

"And now, we kiss!" And they did. "Okay, no more kissing! Now, we're king and queen, and everybody has to do what we say!"

* * *

Paige fidgeted in her car seat, playing with her fingers, trying to keep herself occupied. She enjoyed being in the car, because it meant that she was out of the house. Her parents had filled her room with every kind of distraction; any toy or game that she could imagine – any toy, that is, that was educational and served some developmental purpose. The only other requirement for for the toys and distractions was that they only required one person. They were, basically, Paige's babysitters.

With all of the advantages that came with being an only child, there was one big disadvantage: Paige was all alone. She had her parents, of course, but no playmates. The rare occasions when she interacted with her parents were definitely not play.

So, car rides were a kind of escape. She was still alone, cocooned in her car seat in the back while her parents interacted with each other in the front, but at least being in the car offered a change of scenery. It was perhaps the same feeling that a dog must get, going on a walk through the neighborhood: A daily chance to discover what's been going on in the larger world.

Paige enjoyed car trips, but she got a little car sick looking out of the window as the car sped down the street. She had learned to stare at her fingers and play little games with them while the car moved. She would only she sit up and look around when the car was stopped at a red light.

On this trip, as usual, Paige started to lean forward as she sensed the car decelerating. Nick had pulled to a stop in a line of traffic at the busy, four-way intersection in front of the Rosewood Community Center. Paige scooted up in her seat and looked out of the window, her eyes quickly focusing on three people sitting on a bench. Pam Fields was waiting, with her daughter and her daughter's friend, Hanna Marin, for Hanna's mother to pick them up. Paige's eyes were glued on Emily, as she and Hanna played pat-a-cake, or one of its many variations. The two of them looked so happy.  _It must be great_ , Paige thought,  _to have a friend._ Both girls were smiling broadly as they clapped their hands together in ever more intricate patterns and rhythms until, finally, Emily slapped her hand to her head, squealing in embarrassed delight, after she messed up. Paige, without thinking about it, squealed herself, earning some attention from the front seat.

"Well, something's caught your eye," Marlene said in her gruff voice, turning towards the backseat, "hasn't it, Paige?"

Paige nodded eagerly, almost standing up in her car seat as she looked longingly at the games being played on the bench in front of the community center.

" 'Swimming classes start July 18th,' " Marlene said, reading the banner on the lawn in front of the center.

 _Swimming._ That made sense to Paige. Emily and Hanna's hair was wet, and they had little bags at their sides, which must have held their towels and a change of clothes.

"You like swimming?" Marlene prodded. Paige wasn't old enough to read the words on the banner, so Marlene assumed that she'd gotten excited by the artwork on the banner: A little boy and girl in their swimsuits and floaties happily waving to passersby.

Paige began bouncing up and down in her seat. "Uh huh! Uh huh!" she exclaimed. "I want to swim."

Marlene didn't say another word. She looked over at Nick with a smile, and he smiled back. This was it. They had always known that their daughter was going to be a star athlete. It was in her genes. Nick had excelled in several sports in high school and college, and Marlene was an all-NCAA track star. It was just a question of figuring out what Paige's passion was; what would be her ticket to greatness. And swimming was a great choice. Rosewood High School had always had great swimming teams.

The very next week, contractors began breaking ground for the new pool in the McCullerses' backyard. Nick made a phone call to the athletic director at his alma mater, Stanford, who put him in touch with a good swimming coach who lived not far from Rosewood.

The next Saturday morning, bright and early, Paige showed up at her parents' bedroom, holding a little bag with a towel and her swimsuit inside.

"Well you're all packed up and ready to go, aren't you Paige?"

Paige nodded. "I'm all ready to go, Mommy," she said, practically bouncing with anticipation.

"And where, exactly, are you going?"

"To the 'munity center!" Paige exclaimed, as if it should've been obvious.

"The community center? Why would we go there?"

"For swimming!"

"Oh, no, Sweetheart!" Marlene's tone was urgent and corrective. She needed to shut down that line of thinking right away. "The community center isn't for people like us!" Marlene almost laughed at that proposition. "No, Dear. Your father's getting you your own swimming tutor. Why do you think we had the pool put in the backyard?"

Paige meandered back to her room with her head down and her spirit deflated. She petulantly tossed her bag and her towel on the floor. She didn't care about swimming. That's not what had excited her when they drove past the community center. She just wanted to be around other kids her age and have fun in the water. She didn't know what her mother mean when she said, "people like us," and it didn't matter. She just wanted a friend. And she wanted to get to know the little girl with the caramel complexion, with her long, dark hair and that huge smile. And those eyes. Those eyes that seemed to be dancing as she played with her blonde friend.

Paige collapsed onto her bed, buried her face into her pillow, and cried, letting the pillow muffle the sound. There was nothing she could do. As young as she was, she knew the way the world worked. Once Nick McCullers had made up his mind (and invested his money), there was no going back. She was a swimmer. It was her destiny. It was her career. The only thing she could do was figure out how to make the best of it.


	3. The New Girl

"Hey," Aria said by way of greeting, knocking shoulders with Emily as she approached her locker. "What are you looking at?" Following Emily's gaze, Aria got her answer. "Oh," she said knowingly. "The new girl."

"She  _is_ , new, right?" Emily turned towards Aria, her brow furrowed contemplatively. "She wasn't at Rosewood Elementary."

" 'And no one should be alone on her first day!' " Aria smiled, remembering when Emily had said those words to her. It didn't seem that long ago that she was the new girl at Rosewood Elementary, sitting by herself at recess when Emily came over and introduced herself. Aria's parents encouraged and celebrated her individuality, and they gave her the freedom to dress hew own way, even if it was different for a child in elementary school. Especially in a conservative town like Rosewood. So, Aria was sitting alone, until Emily came over to break the ice.

"I know," Emily said with a sigh. "It's silly of me."

Aria shook her head quickly. "No. It's sweet. Go say hi. I've got to figure out where the seventh grade adviser's office is, anyway."

"Oh," Emily said, pursing her lips. "I think it's…"

"I'll find it," Aria chuckled, point Emily's shoulders in the direction of the new girl. "Go!"

It had been over a decade since Nick and Marlene McCullers invited Emily and her family over to their house to welcome them to the neighborhood. The girls were so young, at the time, that they didn't remember the evening at all. And, up until Paige showed up as the new girl at school, their paths had never crossed again. Nick and Marlene having done their duty by having the Fields family over for dinner saw no need to invite them again. And, as much as Pam had wanted to return the invitation, by the time Wayne got the old Granville place looking presentable, too much time had passed. With no contact at all between them and the McCullerses - not even the most casual "hello" on the street - there didn't seem to be any point in inviting them over. Wayne, who had never all that impressed with Nick and Marlene McCullers to begin with, wasn't about to suggest a return invitation, even though a small part of him wanted them to see how well he had done, in restoring the old house. It wasn't that he needed to prove himself to them, but he liked it when he could show people that they had been for underestimating him.

"Hi," Emily said softly, holding her books in front of her defensively as she approached the new girl. "My name's Emily."

Paige smiled and nodded silently. Emily didn't know quite what to make of that.

"So… you're… uh… new here, right? Well," Emily stammered, realizing that they were all new to the middle school, "I mean, we're all new but… I don't know you from… Did you go to…"

Emily was expecting Paige to chime in and fill in the blanks, but Paige just kept staring at her with that awkward smile. As Emily was about to try again, she felt herself crash against the lockers.

"EMILY!" Hanna shouted. "AAAAH! It's so good to see you!"

"Hanna…" But before Emily could say anything to slow Hanna down, she found herself halfway down the hall, with Hanna's arm around her shoulder and Hanna's mouth going a mile a minute. She turned back towards Paige with an apologetic shrug of her shoulders, but Paige didn't see. Her head was buried in her locker as she tried to get things organized.

* * *

"Maybe she's just really shy," Aria said, trying to comfort Emily as they sat at lunch.

"I don't know, Aria," Emily said. "I think I came on too strong. She probably hates me."

"Okay!" Hanna called out as she joined them at the table. "I found out all about her. Her name's Paige McCullers, and she went to Rosewood Prep." Hanna popped the final "P" dramatically and raised her eyebrows as she said it, mocking the elitism of Paige's former school.

"Rosewood Prep?" Aria pondered out loud. "Why would anybody transfer out of Rosewood Prep to here?"

"I don't know," Emily replied weakly. "Maybe they couldn't afford it anymore. Maybe that's why she's so quiet. She's ashamed." Emily knew what it felt like to be surrounded by people with money, when you were the people without it.

"Who can't afford what?" Spencer said, stepping over the bench to join them at the table.

"Paige McCullers," Hanna said, chewing through a piece of lettuce. "She transferred here from Rosewood Prep." Again, she popped the last "P."

"McCullers?" Spencer scoffed. "Yeah, I don't think money was a problem."

"You don't know that," Emily protested.

"McCullers? As in 'The Nick and Maureen McCullers Swimming Facility'?" She shook her head. "Her dad donated an entire pool complex, to try to kickstart their swimming program. Believe me, even if he went bankrupt tomorrow, Rosewood Prep would find a spot for his daughter."

"Then why would she transfer here?"

Spencer shrugged. "They probably wanted to get her into a competitive swimming program. I mean, it's going to take a few years to establish a viable team at Prep."

"A Bible team?" Hanna was confused.

Spencer rolled her eyes. "Vi-a-ble. It means…" She sighed at the fact that she needed to explain the word.

Emily lost the thread of the conversation. She had gotten all of the information that she needed. Paige was a swimmer. They would see each other at the team's first meeting after school. They still had a chance to be friends.

* * *

"Hey!" Emily's smile was wide and welcoming as she sat next to Paige in the locker room after practice. "You're really incredible in the water!" And, there it was again – that weird, silent smile from Paige McCullers. "How long have you been swimming?" Emily had the impression that she was annoying Paige, but she couldn't stop trying. It wasn't her nature to give up. "Are you okay?" she asked, moving her head up and down, to the left and to the right, comically acting as if she were giving Paige an examination.

"I… I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to be talking to you."

Emily inhaled, as if to say something, but she couldn't figure out exactly what that would be. "Oh… Okay, I… uh…"

"Sorry," Paige repeated. "Don't get me wrong. It's nothing personal. It's just… Well, swimming's kind of like a hobby for you, right?"

"Sure," Emily replied enthusiastically. "I love the water!"

"Yeah, and, you see, swimming's kind of my job." Seeing the puzzled look on Emily's face, Paige continued. "Swimming's going to get me into Stanford, and Stanford's going to get me into the professional circuit, and that's going to get me into the good life."

Emily felt sad that Paige already had her life all planned out for her. It didn't sound like much of a life at all. It sounded like a life of resentment, repression, and probably ulcers. Mostly, she was sad that Paige looked at swimming as a job, rather than as something fun.

"Oh, okay," Emily said, determined not to take it personally and to remain pleasant. "I just thought that we might be able to train together. I mean, I know I'm not a  _professional_  swimmer, but…"

Emily thought that Paige might contradict her and, perhaps, compliment her on her swimming ability. After all, it was obvious from the first day's practice that the two of them were far and away the best swimmers on the team. But that kind of validation wasn't in Paige's repertoire.

"Well, thanks, but I train with a professional coach, so…" Paige shrugged her shoulders.

"Well, that's fine," Emily said, still keeping her pleasant demeanor. "Anyway, it was nice meeting you!"

Emily rushed to get dressed and retain what was left of her dignity. She kept thinking of the words her father told her: "Don't waste your energy on anybody who doesn't have time for you." Personally, she thought that Paige would be better off with friends, but that wasn't her decision to make.

* * *

"Most of the girls had no business being in the water," Paige told her parents over dinner. "But one girl was really good. Emily Fields." Marlene gave a snide look to her husband. "She was really friendly, too. She said maybe we could train together." Paige hoped that this news would be greeted with a little bit of enthusiasm. Maybe her parents would think that it would be good for her to train with someone on the team. Someone her own age.

"You told her you had a private coach?"

"Mm hmm." Paige took a sip of her milk. "But, I was thinking, maybe one night a week, or something…"

"Paige," Nick McCullers interrupted, "you have to be very careful whom you choose to spend your time with. Remember, that girl is your competition, see. She wants to take the everything you've been fighting for away from you."

Paige opened her mouth to protest, but Marlene chimed in first. "And besides," she said, "they're not really our kind of people. I mean, her father's in the  _military_ , for goodness sake."

"But you taught me to respect the military," Paige pointed out to her father.

"Absolutely," Nick agreed. "We respect our flag and we respect our military. They do a job that we could never do. I mean, I respect our plumber for the same reason. I could never do the kind of work that he does. But that doesn't mean that I want to socialize with him." Nick's broke into a rare fit of laughter. "And it's not that I've got anything against the working class, but, don't you see? It would just make him uncomfortable." Paige looked on blankly, not getting why a businessman and a plumber couldn't be friends. Nick decided he'd have a better chance at making his point if he turned his attention back to Wayne Fields. "Anyway, Paige," he said derisively, "Wayne's a  _captain_! It's not as if he's a general."

"I think I read something about they made him a lieutenant colonel," Marlene pointed out, mockingly rolling her eyes.

"Lieutenant colonel?" Nick shrugged his shoulders dismissively. "Whatever. If he ever gets a couple of stars on his shoulder, maybe then we'll talk!"

The conversation had switched from a family discussion to a dialogue between Paige's parents. She knew what that meant. Case closed. There was no use arguing it any further. Paige would not be training with Emily Fields.

* * *

"Emmy? What's the matter?"

Emily was usually chatty over dinner, especially when it was just her and her mother as it was that night, with her father deployed. But, that night, she was dour and silent, leaning with her left elbow on the table as she moved the fork around her plate with her right hand, playing with her food rather than eating it.

"Huh?" She looked up, forcing a smile. "Nothing."

"Did something happen at school today? From what you told me when I picked you up, you had a pretty good day!"

Emily laid down her fork and put her hands in her lap, finally looking up at her mother. "There was a girl there, from Rosewood Prep. She didn't have any friends, so I tried to talk to her. And I talked to her after swim practice - she's on the swim team, and she's really good - but she said she's not supposed to talk to me."

Pam looked concerned. She knew, of course, that there were people in the world who didn't accept people who didn't look like them, but, as far as she knew, Emily hadn't encountered that kind of prejudice in Rosewood - yet. She had hoped that Emily would be able to hold onto her innocence a little longer. "Do you know why she would say something like that?"

"She said that she's supposed to concentrate on her swimming. She's got, like, her whole life planned out already. She's going to go to Stanford and be a professional swimmer. And she said that people who swim for fun would only get in her way."

"Oh, Honey!" Pam squeezed her daughter's arm empathetically. "Is that a thing? Do people swim professionally?"

Emily shrugged her shoulders.

"And she doesn't think you're good enough?"

Emily shrugged her shoulders again. She remembered how it had hurt, a little, that Paige didn't return the compliment, when she told her what a good swimmer she was, but that wasn't the point. "I'm not upset," Emily assured Pam. "I'm not mad at her. She just looks so sad. I wish she could enjoy swimming, because it's so much fun."

"Well, maybe you can help her."

Emily nodded enthusiastically. She finally started eating her food, a little bit energized by her mother's optimism. "She said she had her own pool!" The excitement was apparent in Emily's voice. "And a trainer!"

"Wow!" Pam's face lit up, and she leaned in close to Emily, sharing her enthusiasm. But it had become obvious who the little girl whom Emily had met was. She could only have been describing Paige McCullers. Pam didn't want to crush her daughter's dreams, but she knew what kind of people Nick and Marlene McCullers were. "Just take it slowly with her, okay? Don't try to force it."

Emily wrinkled her forehead. "You don't think I should try to be her friend?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying, let her know that you're  _willing_  to be her friend. But let her set the pace." Rubbing Emily's shoulder, she told her, "You see, Honey, sometimes, the people who need help the most don't know it, and they resent other people for trying to help them. Remember when you tried to help Hanna with her swimming?"

Emily remembered all too well. She was a natural in the water, but swimming didn't come as easily to Hanna. When Emily tried to coach her and correct her technique, Hanna took offense. Even at an early age, she had been used to people telling her that she wasn't smart or that she couldn't learn, so she took Emily's well-intentioned attempts to help her as one more person who thought that she wasn't good enough. It had been the cause of their first big fight. Even though they eventually made up, Hanna never went back to swimming lessons.

Emily nodded, acknowledging her mother's point. She would let Paige set the pace.


	4. Awakenings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the scenes in this chapter kind of pushes the envelope for a "T" rating. I went back and forth about whether or not to include it, but, in the end, I decided that it was important to the story.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

 

 

"Four… Five… Come on, Paige." Tessa's voice was steady and calm. More than that, it was calming. "You've got this," she asserted as a simple fact.

Tessa never raised her voice or barked commands at Paige. She only advocated for her. To Paige, it felt good having someone on her side, even if it was someone who was paid to be on her side.

Paige did strength and conditioning training with Tessa three nights a week for an hour a night, and four hours each on Saturday and Sunday. In many ways, those sessions were the highlights of Paige's week. There was something about Tessa; she wasn't detached and distant, like all the other adults in Paige's life. Whenever they were training, Paige was her sole focus. It was as if it was a personal connection for her; almost as if Tessa was a friend.

Tessa wasn't afraid to get close, physically or emotionally. It was reassuring for Paige to look up and see Tessa's hands under the bar while she was bench pressing, or to feel Tessa's steadying presence alongside her as they ran through the trails in the Rosewood Woods. And there was always with that deep, reassuring voice, letting Paige know that she was okay; that she could do it.

Sometimes, Tessa supplied literal support, with her hands under Paige's biceps, walking her through a lift. Paige relished the touch. Her parents weren't the touchy-feely type, not with each other, and especially not with Paige. Paige had never really known what she was missing in that area until Tessa came along.

One time, Tessa traced the muscles in Paige's back with her index fingers, to show her the muscle group that she should be concentrating on as she lifted. It was nothing inappropriate and certainly nothing sexual, but it sent a chill down Paige's spine nonetheless. At the time, she thought that what she felt was merely being tickled. It was years before she was self-aware and honest enough to realize what her body had really been trying to tell her – and why it was that the memory of that touch had stayed with her all that time. It was years before she understood why she couldn't help staring at Tessa when she was just doing some little thing - like the time when she deftly took the ponytail holder out of her hair and, in one quick motion, slipped the elastic band around her wrist and began braiding her hair, the movement of her fingers making the tendons in her wrist and forearm dance.

That was what Paige admired about Tessa. She was strong, to be sure – with muscles that were always straining against her form-fitting workout clothes – but she was graceful, too; her every move a well-choreographed dance. Paige had seen her pictures on social media, in long, formal dresses and short, flirty skirts. She didn't look masculine or "butch," as she'd heard her father describe female athletes. She looked –  _beautiful._

There was something about Tessa that made Paige want to do her best, in a way different than the way that Paige wanted to do her best for her father. With her father, it was that she craved his approval, which he always managed to keep somehow just beyond her reach. It wasn't like that with Tessa. With Tessa, there was no question that Paige had her approval. Still, Paige wanted to prove herself; to prove that she was worthy of that approval, or maybe it was to validate Tessa; to prove that she was a great trainer by the outstanding results in Paige's conditioning. And part of it was that Paige wanted to  _be_  Tessa; to be that confident and that self-assured, and to be able to transfer that energy to others, with a calming voice and a soothing touch.

Paige would have had a hard time putting it into words. She only knew that she wanted to make Tessa happy. And that she felt silly for thinking that anything that she could do would possibly make Tessa happy.

* * *

Emily took a deep breath as she stared up at the ceiling in her dimly lit bedroom. She was there, lying on her bed, because she needed to do what she was about to do, not because she wanted to.

Emily's body was beginning to change, in ways that her mother had told her about, but also in ways that her mother had never spoken of; ways that she had learned about in Health class, at school. And also in ways that she learned by experience; by the way that her body reacted as she sat in front of the stacks in the back of the library, talking with the sophisticated, pretty blonde with the confident smile.

Alison was so mature and cosmopolitan. She knew so much about the world, about poetry – and, Emily was sure, about love. The time when they kissed, it felt like that moment in a music video when everything switched from black and white into full color.

And that's what - or, rather, whom - that evening, alone in Emily's bed with the lights dimmed, was all about.

Emily knew, in general terms, what sex was. If nothing else, she knew that it was the next logical step for lovers to take, after they had shared a kiss. And she knew, or was pretty sure, at least, that Alison knew all about sex. So, if things were going to go further between the two of them, Emily would have to learn. She already felt silly and unsophisticated around Alison; she didn't want to find herself in bed with her, only to have Alison tease her or patronize her for not knowing what she was doing. She needed to figure things out before that happened: How to give pleasure, and how to receive it.

Actually, Emily wasn't completely alone on that early autumn evening. She had her favorite teddy bear with her. She told herself that Teddy was there just as a precaution. She didn't know how she would react if she were actually able to bring this experiment to its ultimate goal. She had heard that some people screamed, in those moments. That's why Teddy was there - to cover her mouth, if need be, and quiet the sound. Of course, there was no one home to hear her, even if she screamed. She was all alone. She never would have dared to try what she was about to try if her parents hadn't gone out to dinner, leaving her alone to study. Still, she told herself, it would be good for her to know whether or not she could count on Teddy to muffle her screams, should she ever need for him to do so in the future.

That's what she told herself, anyway. The reality was that she was about to do something new and scary, and she didn't want to be alone.

Alone was how she felt with Alison. Somehow, some way, it was never as if Alison was fully  _present_  with her. Alison was always a level above, looking down on her. Even their kiss, as much as it meant to Emily, seemed like just play-acting, or something to Alison.

The more Emily thought about Alison, the harder it was for her to do what she needed to do. She just wasn't feeling it. She closed her eyes and began slowly feathering her fingertips up and down her thighs. She tightened her eyelids and bit her lip, trying to coax her fingers one or two inches higher, but, as hard as she tried, they just wouldn't obey. Despite what Ms. Gessell had told them in Health class – that what she was trying was totally natural – she knew that it was dirty and forbidden, and that she would probably go to Hell for even thinking about trying it. And all of a sudden, she saw Alison's face, her smile turning into a smirk before her face contorted into laughter. "And just what do you think you're doing?" Alison snapped at her, accusingly.

Emily thighs unclenched and her eyes opened wide. She breathed a heavy, frustrated sigh.

She squeezed Teddy close to her chest with both her arms and closed her eyes again, trying to relax. She thought of the water. The water always relaxed her. All of a sudden, she was swimming. She was free. She realized that she was smiling as, in her mind, she twisted and turned, as if she were flying through the water. But, suddenly, she realized, panicking, that she wasn't alone. Paige McCullers was with her in the pool. Emily's heart started racing as she began swimming faster and faster - but Paige stayed with her, stroke for stroke. All at once, Emily was drowning, fighting for air, trying desperately to breathe. She bit her lip as she started to pant, her breaths coming out in shallow spasms. Her thighs were clenching and unclenching in the same, intense rhythm. She reached for Teddy to help calm her, but he was no longer in her arms. The shallow breaths turned into sharp moans and, finally, a gasp, as she lurched upwards into a sitting position, her eyes finally open. She looked down in horror, uncrossing her legs and pulling the limp bear from between them.

He was soaked.

Emily started to cry, deep, heavy sobs; her chest rising and falling as she sat, hunched over, in her bed. She was scared and overwhelmed by the intensity of what had just taken place in those quick, frantic moments, and the only way she had ever known to release that kind of emotion was by crying. It felt good to let it out.

Emily took a moment to calm herself and think about things. It wasn't the way that things were supposed to happen. She hadn't planned to try to figure out sexuality and attraction. It had only been about Alison. Kissing Alison didn't make her gay. Neither did proving to Alison that she knew what to do in bed. They were friends, and girls can do those things with girls. It didn't make them gay. And Emily wasn't gay; she couldn't be. But neither could she come up with a way to explain away what happened once Paige entered the picture. It was no longer about mechanics or experimentation. It had to do with a word that Emily had heard before, but never fully understood until that night: Lust. Emily started to cry again, faced with the full realization of what she was. And what she was was something that she had always been taught was evil; unnatural; sinful.

Nothing else that she had ever done - or ever would do - would matter. It didn't matter that she had a kind heart or that she was good in school or that she was her parents' only daughter. From that point on, people would need only one word to describe Emily Fields: Lesbian.

This had become a whole lot bigger secret than that private experiment. This was life-changing. And, sadly, Emily didn't have much time to process its enormity. She had to hurry and wash the sheets before her parents got home.


	5. Actions and Reactions

On Saturday morning, Emily still found herself struggling to come to grips with what had happened the night before. She couldn't get it out of her mind, but she couldn't talk about it. Not to her parents, certainly, and not to her best friend, either. It was kind of comforting, in a way, sitting on Hanna's bed, her legs pretzeled up in front of her, half-listening as Hanna droned on and on. That was the good thing about Hanna. When you didn't feel like talking, Hanna had not problem filling in the silence. But as Emily sat on the bed, her head down and her hair hanging from it like a veil as her fingers twisted through it, looking for tangles and split ends, it was obvious even to Hanna that something was up.

"Emily?" she asked cautiously, setting her hand on Emily's knee. Emily kind of grunted but didn't look up. "What's the matter?"

Emily shrugged her shoulders weakly and mumbled "Nothing," in the same way that she would have mumbled a response to her father, if he had been the one asking. Hanna gave her knee a slight squeeze and jiggled it a little. Emily gave her head the slightest shake, rending the veil and giving her a glance at Hanna's face. It was covered in concern and fear.

"I…" Emily took a deep sigh. "I did something bad last night.  _Really_ bad."

Hanna scooted closer on the bed, wrapping her arm around Emily's shoulder. "It's okay, Em."

"It's… I'm not sure it is, Hanna," Emily said weakly. "What would you do if…"

Hanna leaned in to prompt Emily to finish her thought.

"I… I think I might be gay."

Hanna bristled when she heard the word, but she recovered quickly. "Okay," she said. Sensing uncertainty in Emily's voice, she assumed that she was sincere, but wrong. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, a couple of weeks ago, I was in the library. With Alison." Emily braced herself. Hanna scoffed and rolled her eyes at every mention of that name. Emily looked at her, pleadingly, and Hanna raised a hand, backing away from her disgust. She tugged on Emily's shoulder, pulling her closer to let her know that she was there for her. "We… We kissed."

"Okay," Hanna said dismissively. "So, what's the big deal? I mean, you kissed me! I'm pretty sure I'm not gay." Emily tilted her head, confused. "Remember? We were kids? I was your  _queen_!" she said with a dramatic flourish.

"We were just kids," Emily said flatly. "And we were just fooling around."

"Okay, but you get my point, right? I mean, a kiss is just a kiss. It doesn't make you gay. Here, I'll prove it!"

Hanna moved in for a kiss, but Emily nudged her away.

 _She didn't want to kiss Hanna._  That had to be a good sign. She made a mental list of all the women she could think of whom she didn't want to kiss, trying to disprove her gayness theory. In the end, though, it was about more than just a kiss. She lowered her head again.

Hanna, seeking to relieve the tension, elbowed her in the side. "Anyway, if you  _are_  gay, I was your first kiss! So, I'm the one who turned you! You're welcome!" she said, batting her eyes in a mock-flirting way.

"Well, actually…." Emily zoomed past point of Hanna's statement. This was about Paige, after all, as hesitant as Emily was to talk about her.

"Actually, what?"

"Okay, so, my Mom told me that, when we first moved to Rosewood, we went to dinner at Paige's house."

"Whoa!" Hanna's eyes grew wide. "You've been in the McMansion? What's it like on the inside?"

"Hanna," Emily scolded, trying to get back on track. "I was a  _baby_! I don't even remember!" Hanna shrugged. "Anyway, so, my Mom told me that they were all in the living room, and Paige came running out of the bedroom with a wide-assed grin, and then ran back, as if she'd done something that she'd get in trouble for. So, she did this a couple of times, and they switched on the nanny cam to see what was happening in the bedroom, and, as soon as Paige toddled through the door, I planted one on her lips."

"Aww! That's adorable!" Hanna squeaked. "So, what, you think three's your limit? Kiss two girls, you're okay; strike three, you're gay?"

"Noooooo..." Emily drew out the syllable. "It's… worse than that." Emily cleared her throat and lowered her gaze to a spot on Hanna's elbow. "So, you know how Alison is so worldly and experienced?" Hanna bit her tongue. "So," – Emily sighed heavily – "so, I don't want her to think that I'm some kind of baby."

Emily shared the events of the night before with Hanna, in all their gory detail: How it wasn't working when she tried thinking about Alison, how her mind drifted to Paige, how, before she knew it, she had to wash herself, her sheets, and her favorite stuffed animal.

Hanna just gawked at her, her eyes and her mouth wide open.

"Okay, not the kind of reassuring reaction I was hoping for."

"Whoa, but… I mean… That's… It's…"

"Hanna," Emily whined.

"No, I mean, that's got to mean something, doesn't it? Your first girl you kiss and the first person you have sex with is the same person?"

"Hanna, I did not have sex with Paige McCullers!" Emily said a little louder than she intended, clapping her hand over her mouth as soon as the words escaped. She wanted to cry again.

"Hey," Hanna whispered, pulling her in close again. "Hey, Emily, you didn't do anything wrong!"

"Yes I did," Emily said softly. "You're not supposed to do that. To yourself."

Hanna sat up straight, almost pushing Emily away. "That's ridiculous," she said, annoyed. "My Mom says that it's perfectly natural for a girl to explore her body."

"Well, that's not what my Mom said!" Emily protested.

Emily rested her head against Hanna's chest. "What if I'm gay?" she asked, so softly that no one but Hanna could possibly overhear.

"It's okay," Hanna said over and over, rubbing Emily's back softly. "It's okay, Em. Maybe you're not gay. Maybe you're just gay for Paige McCullers!" Hanna's head shot up. "Eww! Paige McCullers?" The look on her face was only slightly less disgusted than the one that was there when Emily mentioned Alison, moments earlier.

"What?" Emily said defensively, forcing out a derisive chuckle through a couple of sniffles. "You have a problem with Paige now?"

"She wants nothing to do with you!"

"That's her dad, not her," Emily protested. "She's just… focused on her swimming. She doesn't have a lot of time for friends. I get it."

"Yeah," Hanna mocked. "You get it because you  _love_  her!"

"Hanna!"

"You looooove her!" Hanna continued. "You  _are_  gay! You're gay for Paige McCullers!" Hanna tickled Emily's sides mercilessly as she said it, and Emily doubled over in laughter, huge, hearty laughs. It was a good release. It was a big relief.

Hanna was right to tease her, she realized. She wasn't gay.

She couldn't be.

* * *

Paige was nervous on that Saturday morning, too, but for different reasons. She was jittery with energy, waiting to see Tessa for their training session. Paige had been working hard all week, and she was eager to show off the results to Tessa. She was sure to get some kind of affirmation – perhaps a high-five, or maybe a hug. Either way, it would be something that would make all of her hard work worthwhile.

Paige was determined to say something when Tessa complimented her this time. She wasn't going to be that little child who could only smile demurely and dip her head. She was going to say something like, "I train with the best," or "It's all because of you!" – something to let Tessa know that she was becoming a confident young lady - not still a silly little girl. Paige secretly hated herself for wanting validation from her trainer as much as she did. But the fact was, she got precious little validation and encouragement at home.

Tessa was, indeed, impressed with Paige's progress, and she gave Paige not only a high-five but a couple of rubs on her back, too. Paige chickened out at the last minute, though, worrying that she would never actually be able to stammer out the compliments that she'd rehearsed so hard. In the end, she figured her best shot was being that strong, silent type that she'd heard someone somewhere talk about. But it felt so good to know that Tessa was pleased with her that it made her workout session seem to fly by, and it felt as if the weights that she was lifting were made out of helium. She could've done anything –  _would have_  done anything – to stay in that place where Tessa was proud of her.

Tessa was still waiting outside the gym when Nick showed up to pick Paige up. Without asking her father's permission, Paige called out to her, offering her a ride. Tessa declined politely, telling Paige that her girlfriend was coming to pick her up. Paige thought nothing of it. She'd seen Tessa with lots of girlfriends on her social media posts. There were pictures of her with her guy friends, too. Paige admired her for having so many friends.

Her choice of words was a bigger deal to Nick McCullers. He found an excuse to linger in the parking lot, checking the balance on his steering wheel until Tessa's ride showed up. When her car pulled up to the curb, Nick pulled out of his parking spot, keeping a close watch in the rearview mirror.

Paige was talking to him all this time, telling him about her progress in the gym and the new exercises that Tessa had introduced to her training regimen. She wasn't surprised that Nick was distracted. She was used to getting only about thirty percent of his attention in the best of times.

Tessa's friend left the car running as she pulled up to the curb in front of Tessa. She stepped out of the car and made her way over to the passenger's seat, giving Tessa a quick kiss as they passed. Nick scowled into the rearview mirror.

He never said a word to Paige, but, the following Monday, she had a new personal trainer.

She never saw Tessa again.


	6. The Kisses We Can't Remember, The Kisses We Can't Forget

As the years went by, it became impossible for Emily to deny who she was and how she felt. It was an important journey and eye-opening, but it wasn't without its painful moments. One particularly painful moment took place when she found herself alone in the locker room with her blonde crush.

Alison, as usual, was being flirty, talking sweetly and going out of her way to get Emily's hands against her skin. Emily, as frightened as she was of what it would mean if she acknowledged the things that she was feeling, still summoned up the courage to make a move. In her head and in her heart, it was something gentle and special and beautiful, but reality was much crueler. It wasn't enough for Alison to reject her; she went so far as to humiliate her. And, as if that weren't enough, she took it to another extreme, repudiating who Emily was; belittling her for her sexuality. Emily learned a hard lesson that day: It's best to keep some things hidden. Better to suppress who you are than to expose yourself to a spiteful, unfeeling world that tricks you into thinking it cares about you.

It was only when Alison mysteriously left Rosewood and Emily got a new neighbor that she discovered, slowly, how to trust again. Maya was like Alison, in some ways: Sophisticated, free-spirited, mature. But she didn't play games the way Alison did; she laid it on the line. If she had been Emily's first love, her coming out experience would have been vastly different. But the cruelness of Alison made it hard for Emily to trust again; like a rescue dog, who has to discover that not all humans are out to hurt her.

The first step in the process was small but significant. During a sleepover, as Maya drifted off to sleep, her hand idly landed on Emily's thigh. It wasn't anything unusual or meaningful. Emily tried to tell herself not to read anything into it. She and Maya were friends; good friends; soulmates, possibly, but that didn't mean that Maya was into her in that way. Emily's emotions dueled inside her, on the one hand, urging her to be brave again, and, on the other, crippled by the memory and expectation of being rejected and humiliated again. In the end, Emily decided that not knowing was more of a torture than rejection would be; that "no" was better than never knowing. Emily, slowly, tentatively, placed her hand atop Maya's, fully expecting Maya to recoil in horror and ask her what she was doing. But, instead, with a gentle moan, Maya cuddled in on her, and life was beautiful.

But it wasn't that easy.

Emily wasn't ready to come out. Despite what she felt with Maya, she wasn't ready to come out to herself. And, knowing that there were more Alisons than Mayas in the world, she certainly wasn't ready to come out to anyone else. Eventually, the decision was made for her. She and Maya went into a picture booth at a party – a very post-millennium thing to do – and Maya kissed her. They had been fooling around, as girls do, but the kiss was definitely real. It felt good to be able to kiss a girl, and, maybe, given enough time, Emily could have eased into letting her friends know about her and Maya. But fate had other plans. When they got out of the booth, their strip of photos never came. Maya assured her that it was just a malfunction, but, when Emily got to school the next week, the picture of Maya kissing her was blown up and plastered on her locker. She took it down immediately, but it was too late to stop the rumors.

When Emily's mom got a copy of the picture in an unsigned mailing, she freaked out. Emily tried to convince her that they were just kidding around, but the camera doesn't lie. Pam had been young and in love, too. She recognized the look. It was a challenging time, but, eventually, Pam and Wayne were able to make an uneasy peace with it.

This was more than could be said for Paige's parents. When Nick McCullers heard the news about Emily, he went ballistic. It was an outrage; something had to be done. He had known that there was something wrong with that Fields girl from the night he first met her. – Nick, checked by a stern look from his wife, who subtly tilted her head towards Paige, never finished his thought about the kisses that Emily gave Paige when they were toddlers. Paige didn't know what he was referring to, but she knew that he was withholding information from her. And she knew that it would have been futile to ask him what it was about.

Paige was never really sure how much of the firestorm that Nick ignited with Coach Fulton was because he wanted to protect his daughter from lesbians in the locker room and how much was because he saw the situation as an opportunity for him to get Emily out of the way. After all, Paige had no viable competition for the captain's spot other than Emily, and Paige's earning that spot was one of the crucial stepping stones in his master plan for her life.

Whatever Nick's reasons were, though, for the first time in her life, Paige began to question him. No matter what his motivation for attacking Emily was, he was wrong. Emily belonged on the team, lesbian, competition, or whatever.

Paige couldn't defy her father openly, but she could try to let Emily know that she supported her. She decided to talk to Emily, just the two of them, and make things right.

But it all went wrong.

As Emily sat in her car after practice, Paige jumped in on the passenger's side. Emily was startled, of course, and, seeing the fear in Emily's eyes, Paige went on the defensive. She wanted to sound like an ally, but, instead, she sounded accusatory. Before she knew it, she was lashing out at Emily for being entitled, and Emily was lashing out right back at her. Listening to Emily's vitriol made Paige hurt inside. She didn't have to imagine how alone Emily must have felt, how painful it had to feel for Emily to be judged and hated for things beyond her control, and how tired she must have been from constantly having to defend herself.

Paige was frustrated. She hadn't been able to reassure Emily with words. Before she could come up with a better plan, she found herself leaning over and kissing Emily. She kissed her because she wanted her to know that she wasn't alone. She wanted her to know that she didn't hate her, and that she wasn't afraid of having a gay teammate in the locker room. But, mostly, she wanted to kiss her.

When she saw the look in Emily's eyes, she realized that she had messed things up again. She practically ran out of the car, fearing that she would do even more damage if she tried to explain herself, but before she did, she said two words that made the whole experience even worse:  _Don't tell._

Emily was shocked and thrown by the kiss. She found it hard to drive home that night, because her hands were so shaky on the wheel. She didn't dare sit in the parking lot and wait until she had calmed herself down, though. She was too worried that Paige would jump into the passenger seat and either try to explain or try something even worse.

As it turned out, she needn't have worried that Paige would try to explain herself. Paige refused to talk about it at all. For weeks after the kiss, she avoided Emily as much as she could. When they finally ran into each other, alone in the locker room, Paige made it very clear that the kiss wasn't up for discussion. It had simply never happened. It was easier that way; easier than trying to explain it – to Emily or to herself.

Paige knew at least part of the explanation. She had kissed Emily because she wanted to kiss someone; to know what it felt like to be connected to someone. It was down to the way that she had been raised. Nick and Marlene were strictly hands-off parents. And, as hard as it would have been for Paige to admit it, she craved the kind of contact that was commonplace among her classmates at Rosewood High – the couples holding hands as they walked through the hallway or making out in front of the lockers; the simple hugs that friends gave each other as they said good-bye; the hand on a shoulder to comfort or congratulate a classmate. Her only kiss was stolen. Her only hugs were with her stuffed animal. And, once, in a particularly lonely walk home, she took the glove off of her left hand on a cold, snowy day and intertwined her bare fingers with the fingers of the glove, pretending she had someone's hand to hold.

It wasn't that Paige didn't have chances. More than a few boys tried to chat with her or get her number, but none of them captured her interest. Eventually, she gave in out of sheer loneliness and began spending time with Sean Ackard. They had a lot in common. They were both athletes; they were both driven; they were both going places. Nick McCullers would have been proud. So, when Sean asked, Paige let him take her out on a date; even let him walk her to her door and kiss her good night. But the whole thing felt phony. She ended it the next day. He was a great guy, but she needed to focus on her swimming. Maybe in another life. Maybe they could still be friends.

Funny how the conversation that she could never have with Emily was so much easier to have with Sean. Funny how the memory of her two-hour date with Sean faded in a day or so, but she never stopped thinking about those five minutes in Emily's car.


	7. Paine Relief

About two weeks after the incident in Emily's car, after evening practice, Emily drove home to find two police cars parked on the street by her house. One of the cars was clearly marked "Coroner." Emily almost crashed into the tree in her front yard, panicking as she pulled to a park and rushed closer to find out what was going on.

All of the neighbors were on their front porches, watching. Pam ran to meet Emily, hugging her close to shield her from the sight. It was obvious that Pam had been crying. She couldn't say much beyond, "Oh, Honey!"

Emily had no memory of getting into bed that night or of getting up the following morning. She remembered sitting at the breakfast table with a cup of coffee as the news reports trickled in. Maya had apparently gone for a late-night swim in Rosewood Creek. By the time a patrol car noticed her clothes, neatly folded under a tree not far from the water, it was too late. There was no sign of a struggle. Weeks later, after the autopsy, the coroner ruled out suicide, calling it an accidental drowning that was most likely caused by the drugs in Maya's system.

Emily was numb. She had been in swim practice while it happened. _Swimming._  Emily wasn't a rescue swimmer, to be sure, but she was strong enough in the water to have pulled Maya to safety. And she couldn't stop thinking that, if she had been there, she might even have stopped Maya from going swimming while she was buzzed in the first place.

Emily learned a hard lesson that night: Everyone leaves. The corollary was that it doesn't pay to invest yourself too deeply in a relationship. After Maya, Emily went from one girlfriend to another. It wasn't that nobody else could measure up to Maya. It was that Emily wasn't willing to fall as deeply with anyone else as she had with Maya. What was the point, she rationalized, when everyone leaves?

Paige was concerned about her teammate – her  _friend_ 's – loss.. If she had had more experience with interpersonal relationships, she might have tried to talk things through with Emily, if for no other reason than the welfare of the team, which needed Emily to be at her best. But Paige didn't really know how to do talk through things like that with someone. And the confusion that she was wrestling with over what her feelings were for Emily made the odds of having that conversation even more remote. Paige didn't want to make it appear that she was trying to take advantage of Emily's loss and swoop in on Emily at her most vulnerable.

When Emily started serial-dating, it took a lot of pressure off of Paige. She no longer had to worry about whether or not Emily was okay or needed someone to talk to. And it became easier for her to ignore the feelings that she had for Emily. She no longer had to try to come to terms with what they were, and what that meant. It had become a moot point. There was no need to think about what might happen between her and Emily. Paige knew that had very little to offer, compared with the girls whom Emily dated. If none of them could measure up to Emily's standards, Paige knew that she didn't stand a chance.

That realization was liberating. Paige no longer had the distraction of her thoughts about Emily. She was fully able to concentrate on her swimming and the ten-year plan.

Emily, meanwhile, despite her many relationships, was never really able to get over that kiss from Paige. Perhaps that was why she never stayed in any relationship for very long; not that she was afraid that her girlfriends would leave, but that none lived up to the dreams she had built around the thought of dating Paige. Had she been older, she would have recognized that what Paige in that car did as a violation; that no one should kiss someone else without permission. But Emily, young and heady with the emotions of her newly discovered sexuality, instead saw an element of romance in the fact that someone who wouldn't give her the time of day in public would, when they were alone, be ballsy enough to swoop in and kiss her like that. It was a fantasy, where Paige was a swashbuckling pirate, swinging onto deck, making quick work of the ship's crew with her deft swordplay - and kissing the swooning princess who ends up fainting in her arms.

Emily brooded over the kiss for quite a while, frustrated over Paige's complete and total refusal to discuss or even acknowledge it. Deep down - call it wishful thinking or whatever - she was convinced that Paige had feelings for her, and that, with patience and time, those feelings would eventually come out. Talking about the kiss would expedite the process. But even though Emily knew that they would have to discuss the kiss if she were ever to get beyond it, she also knew that she would never be able to force that conversation. Emily was never the girl who would show up at someone's porch in the middle of a rainy night and bare her heart. She had always the one who was pursued in a relationship; hers was the porch that those other girls stormed. She was the one whom the other girls would bravely swoop in and kiss, not the other way around. She tried being brave once, with Alison. Experience is a cruel but effective teacher.

Few people, even among Emily's best friends, were able to see past her façade of the carefree serial-dater. But Hanna knew her better than most. She spent many nights on the phone with Emily, in conversations that always ended up coming around to Paige. Hanna tried everything in her power to get Emily to confront Paige. She even offered to confront Paige herself, but Emily pleaded with her to respect her privacy. Hanna knew that she couldn't fix things, but it was killing her to see Emily going through such turmoil. So, she did the only thing that she could do out of loyalty to her best friend: She started resenting Paige.

Eventually, Emily stopped talking about Paige around Hanna, not wanting to provoke a negative reaction. Hanna knew that Emily was still hurting, though, and she wanted to make her feel better. If she couldn't heal the wound, she could at least distract Emily from the pain.

"We're going out tonight."

"Hanna," Emily protested, "I'm not in the mood to go out."

"I'm not taking no for an answer!"

"Hanna, just… Please. I'm not in the mood to meet somebody."

"Who said anything about meeting anybody?" Hanna shot back, shaking her head with a scowl. "I'm your Ibuprofen tonight." Emily's face twisted up in confusion. "You've got a Paige-McCullers-sized headache," Hanna explained dryly, "and I'm here to take take the pain away." Hanna scoffed to herself. "Paige McCullers. More like  _Paine_ McCullers."

Which would make her Hanna Motrin.

Emily sighed. She was in a funk, and she didn't feel like being around people. But she knew that stewing in her sorrows wouldn't help. If anyone could distract her, it was Hanna.

Hanna, sensing Emily's resistance weakening, pulled her by her hands up onto her feet. "Come on," she urged. "I'm taking you to The Beats."

The Beats was a new, non-alcoholic club that had opened just outside Rosewood, targeting the older high school crowd - old enough to drive, and with some money to spend, but not old enough to drink. The place was kind of tacky; the sort of thing that a focus group of middle-aged business school grads would think that teens would find appealing. Still, it was a place where teenagers could go, and they flocked to it.

And it seemed to be doing the trick. Emily was having fun on their night out. She didn't have to be on her best dating behavior. She wasn't trying to impress anyone. She could let her hair down and just enjoy the evening.

* * *

When Emily got back from the bar with a couple of mocktails and a bowl of nibbles, she saw that Hanna wasn't alone. Hanna was trying her best to be, but some guy wasn't getting the message. Emily cleared her throat and interposed herself between the guy and the barstool that he was trying to talk Hanna into letting him sit on.

"Oh, I get it," the guy said spitefully, as he looked Emily up and down. "You're one of those girls who doesn't like guys." It was obvious from the smell of his breath that he had pre-gamed before he got to the club.

Hanna rolled her eyes, still not looking up at the guy. "Oh, I don't know," she said blithely. "I like my  _father_." Finally looking up, she added, "He's about the same age as you!"

The guy did a doubletake and murmured something about "Fucking lesbians," trying to salvage what was left of his dignity before he slunk away.

"What the fuck?" Emily half-shouted. "What kind of creepy old man would even come to a place like this?"

"Ugh!" Hanna shook her head and her hands in disgust. As she reached for the drink, she squeezed Emily's hand. "Thank you," she said, sincerely. "You got back just in time."

Emily scoffed, shaking her head. "I mean, this  _is_  a high school club. Does he not know what the words 'underage club' mean?" She shook her head, running her fingers through her hair. "Creep."

Hanna took a sip of her drink and looked up. "Speaking of creeps," she said snidely, "look who just walked in." As Emily started to turn around, Hanna gave her the answer. "Paine McCullers."

Emily rolled her eyes, stopping herself from turning around. "Yeah, right!" She knew that Hanna was messing with her. "The only way that Paige would show up at a club on a weeknight was if it had a regulation pool for her to train in!"

"Yeah, well, I guess there's a regulation pool here," Hanna said snarkily, "because she's standing in the doorway."

"Ha ha, Hanna," Emily said dryly. "Okay," she continued sarcastically. "You got me. I'm going to turn around and look, because I  _know_  that…" Emily, seeing that Hanna wasn't pranking her and that Paige was, in fact, standing in the doorway, gasped. "Oh, shit!" Emily went quiet, hunching her shoulders and looking down.

Hanna reached for her hand. "Hey… Em," she said softly, leaning in, to find Emily's eyes. "Seriously, are you okay? Do you want to get out of here?" She tilted her head towards the back exit and a potential escape route.

"Yeah," Emily replied, softly at first, then repeating nonchalantly. "Yeah! Fuck her! Who cares?"

Hanna scoffed at the false bravado. "Well, you'd better  _start_  caring, because she's coming this way."

Emily's back stiffened. She surreptitiously reached for her phone and put it in her lap, pretending that she was looking at her texts.

"Ugh," Hanna droned, irritated at what Paige was making Emily become. "It's  _fine_ ," she assured her. Emily looked up at her, one eyebrow raised in confusion. "Your makeup is fine," Hanna clarified. "You're going to knock her socks off."

Emily smiled slightly, still pretending that she hadn't just been checking her makeup as she closed the selfie-cam on her phone.

Hanna rolled her eyes again and called out, "Hi, Paine." Emily gave her a sharp kick under the table. Paige was so nervous that she didn't even notice what Hanna had called her.

Without thinking, Emily stood from her stool, smoothing out her dress. She didn't usually wear dresses, but she was glad that she had chosen to do so that night. It was tastefully short, hitting at mid-thigh, and Emily knew that it made her legs look good. She cleared her throat. "Hi, Paige," she said, almost able to look Paige in the eyes.

"Oh. Umm. Hi, Emily." Paige did her best to smile.

It became apparent, by the silence that followed, that Paige hadn't planned anything beyond her hello. She might have just kept walking, straight past their table, had Hanna not said hello.

Emily knew that she had to come up with something to say, to keep Paige from moving on. "I'm… um… I'm surprised to see you here, on a school night."

"Yeah, well, I…"

Paige hadn't taken the time to come up with an alibi. Coming to The Beat had been a spur-of-the-moment decision, with no plan for what to do if she saw Emily. She knew that Emily was there, because she happened to notice Emily's car in the parking lot as she drove past The Beat on her way home from training. She knew that she was being foolish, but she really wanted to see what Emily was like in a club; to see what went on behind the scenes of those pictures that Emily always posted to social media. She hadn't planned to have a conversation with her. She just pushed her luck a little bit too far and got burned. When she saw that Emily was distracted by her phone, she thought that she could slide past quickly and get a closer look. But she hadn't counted on Hanna.

Instead of making an excuse for why she was there, Paige gave an excuse for why she had to leave. "I, uh, can't stay long. You know," she explained, "we've got that Stanford scout coming by tomorrow."

Emily chuckled and raised her eyes in awe. "Stanford," she said wistfully. Everybody knew that the scout was only there to see Paige.

"Yeah, so you'd be wise not to stay out too late, either."

Emily rolled her eyes, pushing Paige's shoulder. "Stanford? Why bother? That scout's not coming to see  _me_! I'd be lucky if I can get into Danby!"

"Well, yeah, but you're leading off the 4x200 relay," Paige pointed out. "I need you to make me look good."

Paige meant it as a joke, but she saw the way that Emily deflated when she heard the words. Paige dipped her head. "You're every bit as good as me," she assured her. "Of course, he's going to be interested in you!" Paige clumsily put her hand on Emily's shoulder. It wasn't inappropriate, she convinced herself, since Emily had touched her shoulder first. Still, she didn't let her hand linger there. And she didn't linger, either. Clearing her throat, she said, "Anyway, I'd better get going."

Emily nodded, managing to throw Paige a smile that made stopping at the club worth the risk Paige had taken. "Good luck tomorrow!"

"Thanks!" Paige waved as she walked away. "You, too."

Emily lowered her head as she climbed back onto her barstool. " 'That's a lovely dress, Emily,' " she said dejectedly, in a deep, monotone voice. " 'What, this old thing?' " she replied to herself, with fake enthusiasm.

Hanna stared at her, hating what Paige had done to Emily's self-esteem, and hating Paige for hurting Emily like that. "Why do you care what she thinks?"

"I don't," Emily insisted unconvincingly.

"Yeah, only you clearly do."

"She couldn't even say one encouraging thing?" Emily complained. "I mean, I know I'm not  _Stanford_  material, but would it have killed her to lie?"

"Emily, you're so much smarter than her. And you're a way better swimmer! No way you wouldn't get into Stanford."

"See?" Emily said sadly. "That didn't kill you."

"Huh?" Hanna was confused. Emily waved her off. She just wanted to go home and crawl into a corner. "Hey!" Hanna bounced off of her barstool and took Emily's hands. "We're dancing!"

Emily perked up. All of a sudden, dancing seemed like a great idea. Hanna led the way, doing exaggerated, Ellen DeGeneres dance moves out to the dance floor, and, soon, she and Emily were tearing it up, cutting loose, and feeling free. The Ibuprofen had kicked in, taking away the Paine, if only for a few hours.


	8. Call Me Ishmael

"So, where's Claire today?"

Emily sighed, dipping a carrot stick into some ranch dressing and dangling it in the air before she took a bite. "We broke up," she sighed.

"Aww!" Hanna reached across the lunchroom table and gave Emily's arm a squeeze. "What happened."

Emily leaned back against her chair and folded her arms. "She told me she had this big surprise for me. She was all excited. And then she drives me to this open house that the real estate agent had for the Paige's old house!"

Hanna scoffed, letting her hands fall onto the table. Emily tensed up at the impact, pausing for a moment.

"I know, right?" She rolled her eyes. "What the hell was she thinking?"

"I'm not" – Hanna scoffed again – "-ing her! I'm" – another scoff – "-ing you!"

"Me?" Emily asked, incredulous. Hanna tightened her lips and nodded her head, raising her eyebrows at the obviousness of it all. "Why are you" – Emily imitated Hanna's scoff – "-ing me?"

"Because! You always bring it back to Paige McCullers!"

"I don't always bring it back to Paige McCullers!" Emily half-yelled defensively. Her face was fully scowling.

"Uh, yeah! You do! I swear, whenever we talk about your relationships, we end up spending as much time talking about Paige as we do talking about whoever it is you're dating!"

"Of course, I'm going to talk about Paige, Hanna! We're on the same team – we're…"

"Ha! You wish!"

"I wish what?"

"We don't know what 'team' " – Hanna made air quotes – "Paige is on!"

Emily furrowed her brow, tilting her head in confusion before it hit her. "The  _swim_  team, Hanna! We're both on the same  _swim_ team!"

"You were! Until she left! She's a billion miles away in California, and you're  _still_  letting her ruin your relationships!"

Emily dropped her shoulders, defeated. "How could she go? Why wouldn't they at least let her finish out the year? I can't believe they made her move out to California before graduation or…"

"Or what?"

Emily shook her head. It was silly. She was too embarrassed to admit what she'd been thinking.

"The prom?" Emily shrugged her shoulders weakly. "Em…" Hanna moved to Emily's side of the table and gave her best friend a hug. "I wish you wouldn't let her do this to you! You're like a different person around her. With any other girl, you're so confident and in control. But with Paige… I don't know, you're like, weak and timid and…"

"Well, maybe that's the kind of girlfriend I'm looking for," Emily said, wiping her eye. "Maybe I don't want to have to be strong all the time. Maybe I want someone who can take charge. Someone who'll jump into my car unexpectedly and just… kiss me." Emily didn't realize that she was smiling at the recollection. She had never told Hanna - or anyone, for that matter - about that kiss. She kept Paige's trust. But, more than that, despite everything that had happened, she still viewed that kiss as  _their_  special moment; theirs alone. It was almost sacred between them, something that no one else in the world would ever know.

"Okay," Hanna said coolly, pushing herself away from Emily, "that's just creepy, stalker behavior."

"Is it?" Emily leaned on one arm and sniffled. "Would you think it was creepy if Caleb did it to you?"

"I…" Hanna looked up at the sky as she thought it over. "Okay, but, Caleb and me - that's different!"

"Why? Because he's a  _guy_?" Emily asked bitterly.

"No, because he's  _my_  guy. We're actually dating, remember? He's not like some random stalker!"

"Paige is not some random stalker either!" Emily was practically yelling, enunciating every syllable.

"Are you kidding me? What about that night at The Beats? She tracked you down at the club just to tell you to get some sleep before the big swim meet?"

"She didn't track me down, Hanna. She just went to a club!"

"For five minutes?" Hanna tilted her head, emphasizing how foolish that theory was. "Seriously, she came in, and 3 minutes later, she was out the door! And you said yourself, she wouldn't go out to a club unless it had a pool for her to work out in!"

"Maybe she just wanted to see me," Emily said softly, embarrassed to admit that she was actually thinking that.

"See?" Hanna pointed her finger at Emily. "See?" Her hand dropped onto the tabletop again. "This is how she gets you! You build up this whole fantasy around her, and think everything she does is because she secretly loves you. If you ever got to know her..."

"If I ever got to know her? Hanna, we were co-captains of the team, remember? I probably know her better than anyone does, except her parents."

Hanna recoiled in surprise upon hearing that. Her tone softened. "And you still like her?"

"Yes! She's strong, and... driven and, and... strong... and"

"Okay, we get it!" Hanna shifted to a mocking, sarcastic tone, waving her hands. "She's got a hot body."

"Not even that, Hanna. Well, I mean, she does, but, I meant that she's a  _strong_  woman. You have no idea what she's going through." Emily got quiet and serious. "Sometimes, I..." She looked off to the side.

"Sometimes you what?"

Emily needed a long breath to calm herself down. She had been getting pretty emotional. "Sometimes, I wonder how she would have turned out, if she'd had my family. And I wonder how I would've turned out, if I'd had to deal with hers."

Hanna's edged closer to Emily. "You really like her?" Emily shrugged her shoulder, tightening her lips. "I had no idea," Hanna said, her voice coming out like a whisper. She moved back to her side of the table. "I thought she was just a fantasy."

Emily looked off to the side. "I mean, I know you hate her…"

"I don't hate her!" Hanna protested quickly. "I just hate what she does to you. You're not yourself when she's around! You just melt, like... like a bowl of Jello in the rain."

Emily shrugged again. "But what if that's what I want? Don't you? Isn't there a part of you that just wants to fall head over heels in love, and just keep falling? Feeling weak in your stomach and afraid of crashing, like that feeling in the pit of your stomach at the top of a roller coaster, just before the bottom drops out? Isn't that what it means to feel alive?"

Hanna snorted, taking a moment to process everything Emily had just said. "Well, that's fucking beautiful!" There was only a hint of sarcasm in her tone. Turning sincere, she leaned across the table. "But there's got to be someone else out there who can make you feel like that." She cut Emily off before Emily could protest. "All I'm saying is, don't shut everyone else out because you're waiting for something that might never happen."

Emily nodded her head. It was easier than arguing. She got what Hanna was saying. There are plenty of fish in the sea. But when you're obsessed with the white whale, no lesser fish can tempt you.

* * *

Paige had mixed emotions as she went through the boxes in her parents' new home in Palo Alto, trying to figure out what to put where, and what to leave boxed up until she moved into the dorms at Stanford. She knew that she hadn't left Rosewood the right way, but, she convinced herself, it had been the best way. Not that she'd had any choice in the matter. Still, from a practical standpoint, there was no reason for her to stay there after swimming season ended. There were much better training facilities in California, and she would be able to meet the coaches before the start of summer training for incoming freshmen. It would have been nice to go through graduation and all the other formalities that an ordinary high school senior looks forward to, but, then, Paige wasn't an ordinary high school senior. She had a goal and a purpose, and anything that didn't fit in with that purpose was just an obstacle to be brushed aside.

That was the way that she had been raised. But she couldn't completely suppress her feelings of regret. She had good friends on the team; friends who meant a lot to her. One friend in particular. It was hard to leave them behind without saying good-bye. She'd had to make a lot of sacrifices to get to where she was going. It didn't seem fair. Of course, Nick McCullers would have told her that life wasn't fair, and that she should be happy that she was in the privileged side of the equation.

And, deep down, she knew that her father was right. As much as swimming was a vocation for her, it was a ticket to the good life: The best schools, the best coaches, and, when she turned pro and started getting some endorsements, the best cars, the best hotels, the best champagne.

The next item that Paige pulled out of the box that she'd been unpacking was a picture of her, with her arm around Emily's shoulder. It had been a tough race, but Emily pulled them through. Paige got the credit for the victory, with her record-breaking leg in the final relay, but it had been Emily who had set the tone in that race. Emily made her a better swimmer. It would have been foolish to say that Paige would give up all of those perks for another few weeks in Rosewood with Emily - or even for another four years swimming on the same team as Emily. But that didn't mean that it was easy to move on.

Paige dusted off the framed picture and put it on top of her dresser, squarely in the middle, surrounded by her trophies. There were always going to be people like Emily around her; people who bring out the best in others - especially on a top-five team like Stanford's. Still, deep down, Paige knew that there would only ever be one Emily Fields.


	9. Call Me, Maybe

 

"Emily!" Hanna whined. "It's our senior prom! We've been waiting for this all of our lives! What are you going to do, just stay home?"

"Yes!" Emily gestured with her hands. "I didn't wait all my life just to go to the prom all by myself!"

"You won't be by yourself. You'll be with us!" Hanna was trying to be infectiously upbeat. It wasn't going over very well. Emily was just scowling at her. She couldn't believe that Hanna had seriously said that.

"I'm not going tag along with you guys and be the fifth wheel!"

"You won't be the fifth wheel!" Hanna exclaimed, still perky. "Caleb will be the fifth wheel!" Emily picked up her pillow and started pounding Hanna with it. "Okay, okay," Hanna said, bouncing away from Emily's attack. She grunted. She really didn't want to go to the prom without her best friend. More than that, she really didn't want Emily to miss her prom. "Em, you only get one chance at your senior prom. If you have second thoughts next year and start wishing you'd gone, it'll be too late!"

Emily didn't respond. She was ready for the conversation to be over. But Hanna wasn't ready to let it go. "I still don't understand why you don't just go with Sara."

"Sara?" Emily's tone said,  _You've got to be kidding me._  "Hanna, that girl is just…" - Emily grimaced, shaking her hands in front of her face - "...weird. She's got like a shower obsession. She takes  **so many showers**. Who even does that? I mean, she actually spends more time in the water than I do!"

Hanna rolled her eyes. "Yeah. Right. The showers are the problem. I'm sure this has nothing to do with the fact that that she's not…" - Hanna rolled her eyes, looking disgusted - "...she who shall not be named," she said snidely.

"Hanna," Emily pleaded, hugging her pillow.

"Well, that's what this is really all about, isn't it?"

"No!" Emily said firmly. She scowled, her forehead furrowed in contemplation. "I don't know. Maybe? A little? But I  _do_ know that I don't want to go with somebody just to be going with somebody." Emily had tried that before; tried dating everyone, just so she could have  _someone._  It didn't really work out for her.

"You're going to have to move on at some point, Em." Hanna had shifted from supportive to annoyed. "You're going to have to start somewhere."

"Yeah," Emily said softly. She wasn't really processing Hanna's words. She was flipping through the contacts on her phone.

"Nnnnngh!"

That primal noise got Emily's attention. She looked up. "What?"

"Such a bad idea, Emily!"

"What is?"

"Texting Paige?"

"I'm not texting her," Emily protested. "I'm… thinking about calling her," she said softly, hoping Hanna wouldn't jump down her throat again.

Hanna dropped her shoulder. "Emily!" she said weakly.

"She's my  _teammate,_  Hanna. And my friend. I'm allowed to check on how she's doing!"

Hanna snatched Emily's phone, holding it at arm's distance. Emily leaned over on her bed, trying to reclaim it. "Hanna, give it back! That's  _my_  phone!"

"No!" Hanna yelled. "I'm not going to let you do something stupid!"

"I just want to hear her voice, okay? Please?"

Hanna sighed, frustrated. She extended her hand towards Emily but jerked it away. "Just promise me you won't invite her to the prom."

"I won't," Emily said innocently.

"Or mention the prom. Or mention anything vaguely related to the prom."

"Hanna, I... Why would I?" Hanna just glared at her, holding her phone with both hands, demanding a response. "I promise," Emily said weakly.

Hanna handed over this phone, mumbling, "This is such a bad idea."

"Okay," Emily said, trying to calm herself down. She took several deep, audible breaths, patting her hand against her chest. Finally, she made a fist with her right hand, chopping it up and down in front of her a couple of times, the way she did when she was psyching herself up for competition.

Hanna just stared at her with her jaw dropped, as if she were watching a tsunami or some other natural disaster, terrified about what would happen but powerless to intervene.

Emily swished her hair to the side and ran her fingers up and down through it. She was trying to get into the right mind-space. Mostly, she was stalling. She finally picked the phone up out of her lap and made the call.

"It's ringing," she told Hanna, getting more and more nervous with every ring. She was obsessively patting her left hand against her thigh.

"You've reached Paige's phone. Leave your name, number, and a  _brief_  message."

Emily hadn't been sure what she was going to say when she heard Paige's voice again. She was really thrown for a loop when she heard Nick McCullers' gruff, angry voice barking out instructions instead. She looked at Hanna, her eyes wide with panic.

Hanna mouthed the words, "HANG UP!" but Emily thought that that would make things even worse. She put on an artificially happy voice. "Hey, Paige! How's it going?"

It was ridiculous. Even in the best of times, she and Paige had never had a "Hey girl!" kind of relationship.

"So… How are things on the West Coast? Getting any surfing in?" Emily tried to giggle lightly, but it came out creepy. She looked helplessly over at Hanna, raising her hand in half of the "sup son" pose ( ¯\\_(ツ)). Hanna had her hand over her eyes, looking down and shaking her head.

"Well, you know, it's prom season back here in Rosewood, and you know how crazy things get." Emily voice was all sing-songy. It sounded bad, even to Emily, but she couldn't stop putting herself deeper and deeper into the hole she'd dug.

Hanna's eyes were bulging out of her head. Her whole body tensed up when Emily brought up the prom. Her reaction made Emily even more nervous. "Uh… uh… Anyway" – she knew that she had to end things quickly. "I should probably let you get back to it! Bye! Maybe I'll see you out in Cali someday!"

As soon as Emily ended the call, she picked her phone up again. "Ooh! She doesn't know that I'm going to start school at Pomona in the fall!" As she reached for the screen screen to hit "Redial," Hanna grabbed her by the wrist to stop her.

"Hanna! It's going to sound weird, 'Maybe I'll see you out in Cali!' I have to let her know why I said that!"

"Em, that, 'Cali' comment is the last thing you have to worry about from that phone call. God - What the fuck even was that?"

"I know!" Emily whined, collapsing sideways onto her mattress. "I just… I…" She grunted out of frustration. "God, as if I weren't nervous enough about calling her, I heard her dad's voice and it just totally threw me off my game!"

Hanna exhaled loudly through her nostrils, her hands raised in frustration. "You  _promised_  me that you wouldn't mention prom!"

Emily sat up, picked up her phone, and held it up to Hanna. "Phone. Nick McCullers. Okay?" Emily was gesturing wildly and on the verge of tears. "I get it. I fucked up, but - Nick McCullers! Cut me just a little bit of slack."

Hanna hugged Emily to her shoulder, whispering into her ear, "I told you not to call."

Emily nodded, but she didn't regret the call. She felt stupid about what she'd said, but she would have felt empty if she hadn't at least tried to make contact. Just then, her phone rang. She panicked, startled, sending it flying over the side of the bed as she tried to see who was calling. When she finally retrieved her phone, she deflated. "Hi, Sara," she said unenthusiastically.

Hanna moved into her sightline, clasping her hands together, pleading with her eyes for Emily to say yes.

"No, I haven't made a decision about the prom yet." Emily said, trying to sound friendly. A moment later, she added, "There's just…" – she shot Hanna a vulnerable, apologetic look – "… just so much going on in my life, right now."

* * *

Paige sat looking at her phone with a couple of stray tears rolling down her cheeks as she waited to see whether or not Emily would leave a message and, if so, what she had called about. Paige was pretty sure that it had something to do with the team; Emily never called her about anything else. She knew that she wouldn't have been able to talk to talk to Emily coherently. Especially not in May - right in the middle of Prom Season.

There was a voice in Paige's mind named "Maybe."  _Maybe_  if she hadn't left Rosewood.  _Maybe_  she would have worked up the nerve to ask Emily to go to the prom with her. As friends - or teammates.  _Maybe_  that was something that friends or teammates did, if they didn't have anyone else to go with. And  _maybe_ , by some perverse miracle, Emily wouldn't have anyone else to go with.  _Maybe_  this was the one time that women weren't lined up, fighting to get Emily to go out with them.

 _Maybe_ , if her dad knew how important it was to her, he would have a change of heart and let her fly back to Rosewood for Prom – or, at least – for graduation.  _Maybe_  she would actually be able to talk to Emily about something other than swimming. And, sure,  _maybe_  they wouldn't fall in love, but,  _maybe_ , at least, Emily would see that there was more to Paige than swimming.

"Maybe" was stupid. Some people could afford to live their lives in dreams and maybes, but not Paige. She had a purpose in life, and she wasn't going to get there with Maybe. She swiped away the voicemail notification so that she could read the quote that she had made into her phone's wallpaper:

Discipline is choosing  
between  
what you want  **now  
**and  
what you want  **most**."

That was it. That was the reminder that Paige needed. Her parents were right to get her away from Rosewood and all its distractions. She couldn't afford to let herself be sidetracked by the here and now. She had to keep her focus on the future.

Paige shook her head to the side, swishing the hair away from her ear as she lifted her phone up to it. She caught herself smiling, and her smile only got bigger as Emily kept rambling on and on in the message. She wasn't even sure what Emily had called about. It was just nice hearing her voice.

And then it all went bad. Emily had to mention the prom. Paige bit her lip out of frustration and anger.

 _Maybe_  the future was going to be worth it, but  _maybe_  the present didn't have to suck so hard, in the meantime.

Paige must have listened to that message over a hundred times that weekend. And every single time, it made her smile – especially after she figured out the trick of muting the message just before the part where Emily mentioned the prom, picking it up again in time for the part when Emily said she might see her again.  _Maybe._

Emily's voice was a connection to home, and to some of the few pleasant memories that she had there. That was the only reason that Paige listened to her message over and over. It wasn't as if she were falling for Emily. She was certain of that.

Paige never called Emily back. She could never figure out what she could have said to her. Even so, she did stalk Emily's Instagram on prom night and the morning after, Instagram-liking the pictures of Emily and the petite blonde with the short, pixie haircut. She looked like the exact opposite of Paige.  _Maybe_  that was exactly what Emily needed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For any Kana fans out there, I stole the "Discipline" quote from Faye Brookes' Instagram.
> 
> Thanks for reading! 3


	10. There Are Only Two Tragedies in Life

Paige leaned on the counter at The Brew, tapping her fingers impatiently as she waited for the barista to return with her cappuccino. It seemed a bit surreal, being back in Rosewood, and back in the coffee shop where Emily used to work. She knew that Emily wouldn't be there on that night. There was no way that she would be spending her last night in Rosewood before heading off to college working at her old job. Even so, Paige couldn't help peeking into the kitchen every time the door opened.

This was a flashback to Paige's life during her last two years of high school; going to places that Emily frequented at times when she knew that Emily wouldn't be there. That way, she could tell herself that she wasn't there to see Emily – while still holding onto a glimmer of hope that Emily might show up.

It started when she heard Emily discussing the movie, "Rudy," which she had gone to see the night before at The Ritz, the local movie theater that specialized in vintage films. Paige went to see the movie the following Saturday, knowing that Emily wouldn't be back. When Emily started working at The Brew, Paige became somewhat of a regular there, always showing up 20 minutes before the start of Emily's shift or a half-hour after the end, secretly hoping that Emily might show up early or stay late. Sometimes, she did, and Paige got to see the fun Emily; the one who was relaxed and at peace with the world, putting a smile on the faces of all of her customers.

It didn't always go well, when Paige "accidentally" ran into Emily - like that infamous night in The Beat. Still, as stupid as it was, Paige kept putting herself in those situations.

Out in California, with a little bit of distance between herself and her former teammate, Paige had figured out why she was so drawn to be wherever Emily was. Emily had a certain energy about her; a vibe. She was such a loving, giving spirit that everyone wanted to be in her orbit. It was only natural. It was like loving Barney as a child; - who wouldn't love someone who made her feel validated and who gave off nothing but positive vibes?

And, just as with Barney, there was nothing romantic or sexual about what Paige felt towards Emily. It had taken some time, but Paige had finally managed to convince herself of that.

* * *

There was a little bell above the door at The Brew that rang whenever someone came in or went out, but Paige wasn't paying attention to it. There was no need for her to, since Emily never used the main entrance. She always entered through the employee door in the rear instead. So, Paige didn't notice when someone walked in, and she was taken by surprise when she heard an angry voice behind her yell, "Hey!"

Her guard immediately up, Paige turned around quickly and saw Hanna standing there, her eyes aflame and filled with anger. She pointed an accusing finger at Paige, her head tilted menacingly, and snarled, "Don't you dare hurt her!"

Paige raised her hands in surrender. She honestly didn't know what Hanna was talking about, although, of course, she knew  _whom_  Hanna was talking about.

Before she could say a word to defend herself, Paige was caught off-guard by a noise behind her once again, this time coming from the kitchen. Her reflexes made her turn away from Hanna, towards the sound. There was an uproar in the kitchen as people gleefully called out Emily's name, congratulating her and telling her how much they were going to miss her.

Paige stood nervously at the counter. She could feel Hanna's eyes on her, but she didn't dare turn around to check. She knew that Emily was going to come out from the kitchen at any moment. She needed to get out of there. She couldn't believe that a simple cappuccino could take so long.

Just when the barista finally called Paige's name, Emily came bursting through the door from the kitchen into the service area. She was beaming, still on a high from seeing all of her friends, until she saw Paige on the other side of the counter. When she saw her, she lowered her eyes and wiped the smile off of her face. Paige had seen that transition before. It was as if there were two Emilys, the one who was confident and gregarious around her friends, and the diffident, vulnerable one whom Paige had gotten to know. There was something about that vulnerable Emily that broke Paige and brought out her protective side. She wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Oh, Paige." Emily swallowed hard between the two words and cleared her throat after. "What are you doing here?"

"I, uh…" Paige tilted her coffee cup in Emily's direction, smiling shyly at the obviousness of the answer.

Emily shook her head, forcing a smile. "I meant, what are you doing in Rosewood?" She gave Paige's shoulder a light punch.

Paige's heart was pounding in her chest. She couldn't figure out how Emily could be so calm. She had, of course, come prepared with a couple of things to say to Emily, in the unlikely event that she actually ran into her that night, but she was finding it impossible to speak with a huge, heart-sized lump in her throat.

This was the worst-case scenario. Despite how much she had longed to see Emily, despite how far out of her way as she'd gone for just a chance that they would run into each other, actually running into Emily was terrifying. For the first time, Paige understood a quote that her English teacher, Ella Montgomery, used to be so fond of, "There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."

It was getting harder and harder for Paige to hold onto the Barney analogy. This wasn't the way that someone would react to meeting a beloved childhood friend. Paige was making a bigger and bigger mess of things. She knew that she had to get it together.

"Oh, I… uh..." Paige laughed lightly at how tongue-tied she was and tried again. "I needed to get my final transcripts and my stats sheets for Stanford and, uh… pick up my diploma."

"Oh!"

Emily tilted her head, pausing for a second to think it over. "Couldn't you just do that on-line? Save yourself an uncomfortable and really expensive flight?"

"Well, uh… yeah, but… you know." Paige shrugged her shoulders. "Stanford's kind of funny about those things." She could hear how pathetic her lies sounded as they left her mouth. "Plus, you know, I… I wanted to say good-bye to Coach Fulton properly. And…" Paige dipped her head. "And a few other people."

Paige's stomach was tying itself up in knots. Her mind wanted one thing and her heart wanted the other. Those two would have to come up with a way to deal with what was, because, in the meantime, they were making a total fool out of her.

Hanna blew out an exaggerated breath in response to the scene playing out in front of her. "I'll be in the car," she huffed bitterly. Emily leaned to the side and nodded at Hanna over Paige's shoulder. Paige turned her head just in time to see Hanna rolling her eyes at Emily.

"I'm… um… just here to pick up my last paycheck," Emily said, holding up an envelope as if to prove that she (for one) was telling the truth. Paige smiled, not knowing what to say. Emily turned slightly towards the kitchen. "And, you know, to say my good-byes."

Paige nodded her head. "So, you're leaving tomorrow morning?"

"Yep!" Emily mirrored Paige's nod. She chuckled, looking wistfully up at the ceiling. "Who would have thought that both of us would end up going to college on the other side of the country?"

"Yeah, right?" Paige said with a smile. "Get as far away from this town as possible!"

"Yeah." Emily agreed politely, even though she knew that Rosewood hadn't been as hard on her as it had been on Paige. She even saw herself returning there one day. There was no need, given what Paige had just said, to ask whether or not Paige would be coming back.

Paige shrugged. "Well, I always dreamed of Stanford, so…"

Emily nodded. "And I always dreamed of Danby, so there's that." Paige nodded, smiling at Emily's attempt at humor.

They were at that awkward point between them where neither of them knew what to say either to keep the conversation going or to end it. Emily chuckled under her breath. "Well," she said, smiling, "Hanna's waiting."

"Yeah," Paige said, and left it at that.

Emily turned to go.

"Hey, Em?" The smile on Emily's face when she turned around caught Paige off guard. Everything in her heart was screaming,  _Tell her! Tell her!_  But it wasn't as simple as that. Paige knew that, if she said it out loud, everything would become real. She would no longer be able to lie to herself or to her parents. But, even more than that, she was haunted by the image of Hanna's accusing face and those three words:  _Don't hurt her!_  Paige realized that it would be wrong to unburden herself only to put that burden on Emily; to tell Emily something that she didn't want to hear and leave her feeling confused and guilty. It would have been incredibly selfish to do that.

Still, Emily was waiting, still smiling, for whatever Paige was going to say. Paige had to come up with something.

"Pomona's lucky to have you," she said softly, dipping her head.

Emily's lips parted, and it looked as if she said, "Thanks," but, to the best that Paige could tell, no sound came out.

Emily was a little stunned. Other than during one of Paige's motivational speeches at a swim meet, it was the first time Paige had ever paid her a compliment.

Emily kept looking at Paige, and it was making Paige uncomfortable.

_Fuck it._

Emily took a step toward Paige, and Paige, confused, stepped back in self-defense. At that moment, she saw Emily's arms go wide and realized that Emily was coming in for a hug.

Paige didn't know what to do. She didn't know whether her arms were supposed to go above Emily's or below. If she'd been asked about it later, she wouldn't have been able to say where they ended up. Somehow, their bodies figured it out, and, however their arms ended up, it felt right.

The hug went on longer than Paige was expecting. It seemed as if Emily were waiting for her to give a signal that it was over. Paige was in no hurry to end it, though. She could have held Emily forever. But, after after a few moments, she felt Emily's hand rub up and down her back affectionately, and she knew what it meant. The party was over.

Before Emily pulled away, while her ear was still near, Paige softly said, "You're a good teammate."

Emily's shoulders went up as she tried to stifle a laugh. She didn't know what to say to that, so she tilted just her head in the direction the door, pointing that way with both of her index fingers, turned around, and headed out.

Paige watched her walk away.

* * *

"And?" Hanna said, sounding annoyed, as Emily climbed into the car.

Emily was trying to keep her expression neutral, knowing how Hanna felt, but there was still a trace of a smile there. She shrugged. "She threw me a bone."

"Yeah, what does that even mean?"

"She told me that Pomona was lucky to have me."

Hanna rolled her eyes.

Emily knew that she wouldn't be able to explain to her how monumental a statement that was, coming from Paige, so she left it at that.

"And then we hugged."

"Yeah, I know, I saw," Hanna said derisively, her voice artificially deep. She started the car, but didn't put it in gear. Instead, she looked over at Emily with genuine concern. "How  _are_  you?"

Emily sighed as she thought it over. "A little sad, leaving my friends behind, but excited to be starting over!"

Emily knew that Hanna wasn't asking about how she felt, leaving her friends. But her answer was enough to let Hanna know that she didn't feel like talking about how she was with respect to Paige. Hanna was a good friend. She let it go.

As they waited for an opening in the traffic so that they could pull out onto the street, Emily blurted out, with no emotion, "She told me that I was a good teammate."

Hanna put her hands up in the air and did a face-plant against the steering wheel. "My God, Emily!"

Emily slapped her on the shoulder jovially. " _A good teammate!"_ she repeated, her voice pitched high with laughter.


	11. The Choices We Make, The Choices That Make Us

"God!" Miranda looked more befuddled than angry as she backed away from the awkward hug. "Who wounded you?"

"What?" Paige looked at her with an uncomfortable smile.

"Oh, fuck," Miranda exclaimed with a look of disgust. "Don't tell you're one of those small-town chicks who has a problem with a gay girl in the locker room.

"No!" Paige scoffed. Her voice was high-pitched defensive. She could hear how false it sounded. "One of my teammates in high school was gay, and I never had a problem with it. I mean, my Dad had a problem with it, but…" Paige inhaled deeply and let it out. She didn't need to see the annoyed expression on Miranda's face to know how fake her words sounded. She dropped her shoulders and sat down, straddling the bench in front of the row of lockers. Miranda took the cue and sat facing her. "Look," Paige said, dipping her head. "I'm honestly not homophobic." She peeked up at Miranda to read her level of skepticism. "My parents were kind of… distant when I was growing up. They were the typical repressed, WASPY, no-signs-of-physical-affection couples. It… I kind of… My body never really learned how to interact with people." Paige looked up, tightening her lips and shrugging her left shoulder. It was the truth, take it or leave it.

Miranda mirrored her shrug. "No, I get it." She raised an eyebrow, adding, "I  _think_. Kind of like those cats who never had any humans around when they were kittens?" Paige didn't reply. Miranda stood up, offering both hands to help Paige to her feet. "Let's try this again," Miranda said slowly. She took a step back from Paige. "Great swimming, Paige!" She spread her arms out wide. "I'm going to give you a hug, now."

Paige nodded her head and spread her arms out, taking a step closer.

Paige really liked Miranda, although she hadn't known her very long. She was a good swimmer and a great teammate, and she was very non-judgmental. She was a lot like Emily, in those respects. Miranda's look was a lot different from Emily's, though. Paige didn't know the right word for it, but she would've described it as  _harder_  than Emily's. She had a kind of Ruby Rose vibe going on, with the cropped hair, the tattoos, and very angular face and frame. She was what Paige thought lesbians looked like, before she found out that Emily was gay.

Paige might have been attracted to her, if she had been attracted to women. The fact was, Paige wasn't attracted to anyone at all. She could only afford to be attracted to swimming. Miranda might not have agreed with that philosophy, but she got it, in a way that Emily never had.

Paige regretted that she hadn't been able to convince Emily to try for Stanford. She was convinced that Emily and Miranda would've been good friends – and maybe even more than friends.

Paige didn't spend too much time thinking about Emily, but she did think about her. She worried for her. She never contacted Emily directly, but she checked in on her from time to time, in her Instagram stories. She could see that Emily wasn't happy. If Emily had expected to find a more open-minded community when she chose a school in Southern California, she chose the wrong school. Pomona was pretty repressive, when it came to gay rights. Emily still maintained an – active – social life, but she had to do it on the down-low. In pictures that Emily posted with girls, they were always with a group. But Paige knew her former teammate well enough to know which one was  _that_  girl. There was a certain smile; a subtle half-glance, the friendly way that Emily's hand rested on the girl's shoulder. Paige also knew that, when Emily's posts were too cute, too positive or too inspirational, it could only mean one thing: Emily was consoling herself after a break-up. At those times, Paige was always quick to post an uplifting comment or, occasionally, to send a DM. They may have moved on from high school, but Paige still defended her teammate fiercely.

Not that life was that much easier for Paige, either. Academics were a lot tougher at Stanford than they had been in Rosewood high, and Coach Meehan insisted that his swimmers excel in the classroom as much or more so than they did in the pool. Also the level of competition on the team was much higher than it had been in high school. Paige was up to the challenge, though. She wasn't afraid of putting in the work.

But, sometimes, life throws you a curve ball.

Paige was doing stadia in the athletic center, to build up her resistance, when she missed a step on the way down and went tumbling onto the ground. The pain was excruciating. Paige was tough; she got up and tried to continue, but, as soon as she put weight on her knee, she knew that it wasn't happening. She managed to limp out to her car and make it back to her dorm, where she texted the assistant coach to let her know what had happened. Coach Slusser texted back, telling her to contact the trainer, but Paige assured her that she was okay; she was just going to ice it down, take some Tylenol, and check in with the trainer in the morning.

Her knee throbbed all through the night. It was still fairly swollen in the morning. Paige texted the trainer and set to meet her in the athletic center. Miranda helped her to her car and drove her over, staying with her throughout the medical assessment.

It wasn't good.

Paige had torn her ACL. She was finished for the year.

Paige could have dealt with the physical pain. If it had been possible, she would gladly have taken  _more_  pain if that meant that she could get back in the pool faster. But that wasn't an option.

Paige had to wait three months after her surgery before the doctors would even let her start working her upper body again. When she finally got the cast off, she had to go through months grueling physical therapy just to get back to walking normally, before she could even think about starting to work at regaining her leg strength. The only consolation was that much of her rehab took place in the pool. It felt great to be back in the water, but she got in trouble more than once when she couldn't help herself and did a quick sprint, just to feel herself moving at speed again. Every time, she paid the price the next morning, with throbbing pain in her knee.

Paige was red-shirted her sophomore year. She worked out with the team, but she wasn't in competition-shape. Coach Meehan protected her scholarship, assuring her that the team needed her back, but only when she was fully ready.

Paige was still able to compete and win championships when she rejoined the team in her junior year, but it was obvious that her hopes of swimming beyond college were over.

Paige was devastated – and not just for herself. She was more devastated for her parents. She knew she'd let them down. "I was their only shot," she told Miranda. "There are no other kids at home behind me. They put all their eggs in one basket. And dropped it."

"Paige…" Miranda began, trying to give Paige some perspective.

"What?" Paige said defiantly. "What have they got to show for their investment?"

"You're not their investment – you're their  _child_. It's their responsibility to make sure you're on the right path in life, and that you have everything that you need."

Paige shrugged her shoulders in defeat. She knew that she wasn't going to convince Miranda, and Miranda wasn't going to understand her point of view. She sat up a little, and Miranda released her from her arms, setting her free. Paige sniffled. When she spoke again, her voice was very soft. "You know what I can't help thinking?" Miranda shook her head. "It feels as if I've been sold a bag of goods, you know? I mean, my whole life, I've been told that you have to work hard and make sacrifices in order to get to your goals. So, I did all that, gave up... fucking everything - and what do I have to show for it? And the worst part? It's all my fault. I'm the one who blew it!"

"Come on, Paige. You can't blame yourself. It was an  _accident_  - it could have happened to anyone!"

"I'm not even talking about the accident!" Paige screeched "I'm talking about all the stupid choices I made. All the times I said 'No,' and denied myself what I really wanted. And I still didn't achieve my goals!" Paige chuckled bitterly. "I could've had fun high school, if I'd known I was going to end up a second-tier swimmer anyway."

"Okay, well, first of all," Miranda said calmly, "I'd hardly call Stanford Varsity second-tier."

Paige rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean."

"And, second of all - why are you talking as if your life is over?" Miranda shoved Paige's shoulder. "You're young. You still have time to recover. I mean, look at it this way: What if you  _had_  hit all your goals, won Olympic medals, made a fortune in endorsements, done everything you wanted to do in life, and then, one day, you wake up in your fifties and you realize all the things you denied yourself?" Miranda put her arm around Paige's shoulder. "Maybe Fate didn't curse you. Maybe Fate did you a favor, giving you a wake-up call while you there's still time to fix things."

Paige shrugged her shoulders, running her fingers through her hair. "You know what I realized?" she asked.

"What?"

Paige pulled her leg onto the couch so that she could sit facing Miranda. Miranda moved her arm, letting her hand drop and land on Paige's knee.

"I think…" Paige dipped her head. "I think I'm…  _gay._ "

Miranda rolled her eyes and gave Paige's knee a playful squeeze. "No, you're not!" she said dismissively.

Paige's jaw dropped. She was making the biggest admission of her life, but Miranda wasn't taking her seriously.

Miranda slapped her hands against her knees and stood up. "Paige, look at me!" Paige looked up at her. "I'm like the poster-child for what every straight person thinks a lesbian looks like. Do you think you're the first straight girl in college who feels like doing a bit of experimentation, and – 'Oh, look! There's Miranda! The safe way for me to explore my freaky side!'?"

"Argh!" Paige stood up, her fists balled in frustration. "Did you ever think this might not be about you? For once in your life?"

Miranda didn't take offense, even though the past hour and a half had been all about Paige, not her. She was more surprised than offended. She cocked her head to the side. "It's not?" Paige rolled her eyes, turning her back on her friend. "Oh." Miranda was surprised, but it came out as disappointed. "Well, good. Because, to be honest, I've taken advantage of more than a couple of girls who've said those four words to me." Paige spun around to face her, smiling in uncomfortable shock over what Miranda was admitting. Miranda leaned in, whispering to make the point that she was being sincere. "And that's why I dismissed you, Paige. I wouldn't take advantage of someone who means a lot to me."

"Okay," Paige said, smiling.

"It was just so typical, you know? Straight girl gets depressed, usually over a guy, and straight girl decides she's gay."

Paige laughed lightly. "No, this isn't a spur of the moment thing. I've been wrestling with it for..." - Paige threw her hands up in frustration - "...years. It was something that I could never acknowledge, because being gay didn't fit into the master plan to get me to my goals. But now that my goals have been totally shot out from under me..."

Miranda gave her a sympathetic half-smile, choosing her next words carefully. "So… if you've been dealing with this for a while, is there... a certain someone who's got you thinking that way?"

Paige rolled her eyes. "This isn't about a 'somebody.' " She thought it over and revised her answer. "It's about  _me._ It's not about me coming out as gay, but me coming out as a person - a person who's actually allowed to have an attraction for another person - or for anything other than swimming." She dipped her head sadly. "I was never allowed to have feelings like that before."

"Paige," Miranda whispered softly, looking on the verge of tears.

All of a sudden, Paige got animated, practically leaping into the air. "Damn it!" She paced around, flailing her arms wildly and occasionally pounding her fist into her palm. She was getting a full head of steam, the way she did when she gave the team a psych-up speech, but, this time, she was psyching up herself.

"I'm tired of being Little Miss Perfect. The good girl. The Paige who plays by the rules. I want to be bad! I want to… I want to go to a dirty dive bar, meet somebody, and become her drunken mistake! I want to make out with the bartender! I want to punch a cop! I want to… I want to…" Paige stopped to take a look at Miranda, certain that she would be laughing at her. But Miranda was just watching her, patiently, sincerely. No judgment. Paige took a step closer to her. "Do you know a place like that?"

"Yeah," Miranda smiled softly. "I know just the place."

* * *

Paige was smiling, grinning occasionally, as she rode in the passenger's seat on the way to wherever Miranda was taking her. It wasn't just the anticipation of her wild, uninhibited night; it was the mystery. Miranda had made her wear a blindfold. That only made things more exciting for Paige, who reasoned that they had to be going to some kind of underground, illicit speakeasy, whose location was a closely guarded secret. She could only imagine what lay in store for her.

Miranda pulled into a parking spot and killed the engine. "Ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be!" Paige was smiling from ear to ear.

Paige felt Miranda's hands reaching for the blindfold. She swatted them away. "What are you doing? Don't I have to be inside first, so I don't get any clues about my surroundings?"

Miranda chuckled. "You probably don't want to walk into this place with a blindfold on. Just… Just promise me that you won't back out , once you see where we are."

Paige, without thinking, clapped her hands together in excitement. "I won't back out!" she assured her. "I can't effin' wait!"

Miranda sighed. "Okay. Here goes!"

The smile faded from Paige's face once her eyes adjusted to the light, and she saw where they were. "Dave and Busters?"

"Baby steps…"

"I'm not a baby!"

"I know you're not, Paige. But I also know that you don't want to get drunk and spend all night doing stuff you'll regret tomorrow morning." Miranda rubbed Paige's shoulder. "Come on. Let's go blow off a little steam."

Paige managed a half-smile. In her heart, she knew that Miranda was right. She squeezed the hand that was around her shoulder. "Thank you."

Paige flung open the car door and bolted outside. "Last one in's a rotten egg!"

Miranda laughed out loud as she grabbed her purse and Paige's, locked the car, and jogged towards the entrance. She knew that Paige was going to be all right.


	12. A Lonely Hunter

Paige stood with her hands on her hips and craned her neck from side to side, taking in the full view. A smile crept across her face. They say you can't go home again, and that was probably true. Paige didn't belong in Rosewood anymore. She didn't belong  _to_  Rosewood anymore. The five years that she'd spent at Stanford were an eternity, in small-town terms. She and the town had moved on from each other.

Even her parents had pulled up stakes. They originally moved to Palo Alto as a way to get Paige's foot in the door, when she was preparing for the start of her swimming career at Stanford. By the time their dream of a star fizzled, they had become completely sold on the California lifestyle, and Rosewood was just a distant memory.

Paige felt that she no longer belonged in either world. Each held bad associations for her, for different reasons. So, she compromised: She accepted an assistant coaching position at Iowa State – somewhere in between California and Pennsylvania. Her return to Rosewood was just a a visit; one last good-bye to the place that had been so formative in her life.

There's something about nostalgia. The brain has a way of papering over all of the pain and the trauma, choosing to recall only the happy moments of time gone by. It was nostalgia that put the smile to Paige's face. As she took a deep breath, it felt all too familiar. The evening air was crisp, and the smells that it brought with it unlocked a flood of memories of late-night runs through the streets of the town, finished off with a cool-down in the family pool. During those runs, she truly felt free; putting a few blocks between her and her father with his ever-present stopwatch. Sometimes, the runs were more about escaping that pressure than about training.

Invariably, her runs took her past Emily's house. And, invariably, she took a peek up at Emily's window, to see whether or not the light was on. She used to imagine what it would have felt like to see Emily sitting there, in the window seat; to exchange a quick smile and a wave; to know that, on some level, Emily was proud to see how dedicated she was, to be out running late at night, after having spent hours in the pool. She actually did see Emily one night, but, rather than waving, she ducked her head and continued running, considering herself lucky that Emily hadn't seen her.

Paige shook her head, still smiling at that memory as she turned towards her car and got back into the driver's seat. Ever since that night, she had wished for a second chance to see Emily in the window seat, but it had never come. Deep down, Paige knew that this was the only reason that she found herself back in Rosewood. She was still clinging to hope for that second chance.

* * *

Paige smirked as she drove up behind a woman and her dog, who were walking down the sidewalk on their way to the park. "Excuse me, Miss," she said, rolling down the window of her rental car, "can you tell me how to get to the Radley?"

Emily bristled at the greeting. She hated the name "Miss." Once she looked into the car and saw who it was, her face brightened. "Paige McCullers!" she squealed in delight and surprise, and the dog at the other end of the leash she was holding jumped up and down excitedly.

"Emily Fields," Paige said, smiling shyly, dropping the act that she hadn't recognized her.

Emily leaned into the car. "What are you doing in Rosewood?"

"Hang on," Paige said, excited. She pointed to a parking spot a little farther up the road. "I'll go park."

Emily took a few quick breaths as she watched Paige drive over and park. She bent down on one knee and patted her dog on the side, to settle her. She stood up as she saw Paige lock the car and start a slow-jog towards them. Emily put her hands at her side and then behind her back, not sure whether a hug was on its way. Paige spread her arms out as she got closer and Emily, relieved that the question was answered, met her with a hug.

"I thought you'd be in Iowa by now!"

Paige's head snapped back a little and she stepped back. "How did you…"

Emily smiled, slightly embarrassed that she'd let it slip out that she knew about Paige's job. "You're still a big deal around here, McCullers!" Her dog jumped up on his hind legs, and she reached down and rubbed her head again, to settle her down. "My Mom sent me all the newspaper clippings when you had your injury." Emily's voice softened as she finished the sentence. She didn't want to bring up Paige's injury, and she realized that she probably shouldn't have admitted that her mother sent her the clippings.

Paige took it in stride. "Well, I just thought I'd come by and give the old neighborhood a final good-bye."

Emily was silent. Seeing Paige in Rosewood had given her hope. Maybe Paige was looking for something closer to home.

Paige, taking advantage of the lull, knelt down to introduce herself to Emily's dog. "And who's this?"

Emily stroked the dogs head again. "This is Mac!" Emily leaned over and scratched her dog's ears. "She's a Scottie, so..." She seemed a little embarrassed about the reasoning behind the dog's name.

"She's beautiful," Paige remarked, "and so well behaved."

"Thank you," Emily said, smiling with pride at her dog. "She's my rock."

Emily really meant that. It was good to have a dog; a steady companion on those rough nights.

"McCullers!"

Paige was startled, hearing her last name - and not just because that wasn't the name that most of the people in Rosewood who knew used. The voice, whoever's voice it was, sounded very excited, probably, Paige assumed, because it had been a while since she had seen Paige. Mac was getting excited, too, bouncing up and down and looking up at Emily, as if asking permission to run towards the voice. Paige stood up and turned around to see who had called her. Her smile turned to into a look of confusion when she saw Hanna coming towards her. Hanna rolled her eyes and shook her head in disgust, as if to say,  _What makes you think I would possibly be excited to see you?_

Had Paige turned back around the other way, she would have seen Emily cringing.

"McCullers!" Hanna repeated, making Paige even more confused. Hanna dropped onto the ground to play with the dog. "How's my little Miss McCullers doing today?" She looked up at Paige and then over at Emily, who was shooting daggers from her eyes. Hanna chuckled to herself and worked her way back to her feet with the dog in her arms, taking the leash from Emily. "Come on, McCullers. Looks as if Mommy and her friend need some alone time."

Paige and Emily watched wordlessly as Hanna walked away. When she was out of earshot, Paige, to break up the awkward silence, said, "So, Hanna's back in Rosewood?"

Emily was stunned. She didn't really process Paige's question, but launched into a quickly devised explanation instead. "Her name's not McCullers!" she blurted out. "It's  _Mac_. Hanna's just messing with me. I mean, you! She's just messing with you!" Emily knew that her nervous stammering couldn't have been very convincing.

"Okay." Paige's voice came out sincere, but her smirk was telling a different story entirely.

"I'm serious!" Emily protested.

"I believe you," Paige affirmed, her voice and her expression unchanged. After a dramatic pause, she added in a deep voice, "It's just a bit of an odd name for a girl-dog."

"Yeah, well, that's her name," Emily insisted angrily. Paige smiled knowingly but kept silent. Emily sighed deeply. "Fine, whatever," she exhaled. It was a tough admission, but Emily realized that it was no worse than admitting that Hanna had been teasing her by using Paige's name. "But I named her after Carson McCullers." Emily looked off to the side. "Not you!"

Paige nodded, pursing her lips. "The dog is a lonely hunter," she mused.

"You, uh…" Emily pushed the hair away from her face, unaware that she was stamping her foot impatiently. "You still haven't told me what you're doing back here," Emily said, desperate to change the subject.

Paige shrugged her left shoulder nonchalantly. "As I said, I just wanted to say one last good-bye to the old place, go see what's become of our old house, maybe check out the old locker room back at Rosewood High."

Emily's heart sank a little. Paige already had the upper hand in the exchange, after Hanna not-so-subtly dropped the name of her dog. Paige knew that Emily was still thinking about her. If Emily had been even slightly responsible for Paige's return to Rosewood, she could easily have said something without losing her advantage.

Paige took a step with her right foot, angling herself so that she was parallel with Emily and leaned in, as if she were telling Emily a secret. "Heard they had a new, hotshot coach, thought I'd come see whether or not she's any good."

Emily bit her lip and smiled slightly, turning aside from Paige's gaze.  _So, Paige did know that she was back in Rosewood._

"Well, I might be able to arrange for you to meet her," she said, smiling shyly as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

Paige raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah." Emily's voice fluttered slightly. She peeked at Paige and thought she saw, just for a moment, a flash of hesitation. Emily had a pretty good idea why. She cleared her throat. Her voice got soft and a bit deeper. "How  _is_  Miranda?"

Paige scratched the back of her neck. Her chest heaved as she took a deep breath, thinking it over. "That's, uh… it's a bit complicated."

"Oh." Emily's response was barely audible. She knew what was happening. Paige was letting her down without letting her down. She wouldn't come right out and say that she and Miranda were together, but she made it clear by her body language.

"Yeah. It's the kind of thing that would be easier to discuss over coffee." Paige nudged Emily's shoulder, and Emily perked up a little, still foolish enough to hold out hope. "I'll call you?"

"Yeah." Emily rocked side to side, not knowing how she should have play this hand that she was dealt. "Well, anyway, I'd better…" Emily tilted her head towards the tree where Hanna and Mac had settled. She extended her arm for a quick hug before she trotted off. She hoped that Paige actually would call. And she hoped that it wasn't quite as complicated as Paige had made it seem.


	13. Coffee Confessions

"So anyway," Emily said, twirling circles with her index finger on the table in front of her, "she's going to call me after she gets settled, and we're going for coffee." Emily was smiling to herself, trying to keep her cool.

Hanna was not impressed. "Oh, really," she said dryly, with heavy sarcasm. "Coffee twice in one day. How _will_  you handle it?"

"Not just  _coffee,_ silly!" There was a sing-song quality in Emily's voice. "Coffee with  _Paige!"_

Hanna groaned and rolled her eyes.

"Oh, come on, Hanna!" Emily was unrelentingly upbeat. "Can't you be just a little bit happy for me?"

"Yes!" Hanna leaned across the table, with her arms spread across it and her fingers splayed wide. "I can be happy for you and anyone else. Literally, any other woman in the world, except Paige McCullers!"

McCullers the dog, lying lazily on the sidewalk underneath their table, perked up at the mention of her name, standing on all fours and wagging her tail. Emily petted her, smiling with her tongue peeking through her teeth at the thought of all the confusion there would be, if the three of them actually ended up together. She let out a long sigh. "At some point, you've just got to let it go."

"No," Hanna said, arching her back up, "because, have you forgotten what she did to you? She  _hurt_  you, Emily! She destroyed your self esteem!"

"She was in a different place back then," Emily pleaded. "A very… bad… dark place!" Emily shook her head empathetically." Hanna fell back hard against her seat, with a disgusted groan. Emily lost her cool. She threw her napkin across the tabletop. "Well, she came back here, didn't she? Back to  _Rosewood_! That's got to mean something!"

Hanna tightened her lips. "There could be a million reasons that she's back in Rosewood," she said resignedly.

"Like what, Hanna?" Emily didn't want to make a scene, but she was fed up. "What could possibly bring her back here?"

Hanna stammered for a moment. She said the first thing that came into her head. "Real estate? I don't know! She came to steal your job, just to prove that she could beat you, maybe? Maybe she buried one of her enemies under the Rosewood Pavilion, and now she has to move the body before the police close in?"

* * *

Emily sighed as she took one last look at herself in the mirror and smoothed her top down over her jeans. She had changed outfits three times. It would have been easier to decide what to wear had she not had that conversation with Hanna. She had been planning to dress up; not formal, but flirty. But after talking with Hanna, she decided that she'd be better off keeping it simple. She didn't want to give Paige the impression that she had the wrong impression. She bit her lip, and, when she did, she realized that she was making a fist. She wasn't about to face off in a big swim meet or go on a big interview, but her body was reacting as if she were.

"Alexa, what time is it?" Emily slipped a bangle on her wrist as Alexa replied that it was 3:55.  _Good_. She was running late. No better way to show that this coffee - thing, whatever it was - was no big deal.

Emily walked through the door of the Brew and took a quick look, to see whether or not Paige had arrived yet. She caught motion out of the corner of her eye and turned to look. Her breath hitched as she saw Paige standing up and starting to move towards her.

Paige had changed since Emily saw her earlier in the day, but not into something more comfortable. She was dressed like Ava Sharpe, in a black blazer over a white shirt and long, black pants. It was a stunning look on her. Emily's heart started beating faster and faster as Paige got closer.

It wasn't just her clothes; Paige had changed in general since she left Rosewood. She had matured. Her jawline was a little more pronounced and her shoulders were broader.

Emily put her hands behind her back so that Paige wouldn't be able to see her balling her right hand into a fist.

Paige's arms were out wide, for a hug.  _This is new._ As Paige backed away from the hug, she remarked, "You look great!"

That, too, was new.

Emily smiled shyly. "Thanks… I didn't really get dressed up," she said, gesturing with her hand towards Paige's outfit.

"No, but you look good, though! Fit. You look as though you could give me a run for my money!" Paige put her hand up quickly, realizing how that must have sounded. "In the pool, I mean."

"Thanks," Emily drew out the word, unable to stop smiling. Hugging Paige had only confirmed what Emily's eyes had seen: She was still in fighting shape. "You, too." She reached and fanned her fingertips across the sleeve of Paige's jacket, where it hit her wrist. "I love this jacket!"

"Oh, yeah." Paige tugged at the sleeve of her jacket. "I packed light, you know. Mostly just business clothes." Paige dipped her head, embarrassed that she had dressed for a coffee date, when Emily had dressed for coffee with a friend.

"I got us a table," Paige said, turning towards the table where she had been sitting as she waited for Emily. She stood to the side, to let Emily go first. Emily smiled as she walked by, clasping her hands in front of her. It may not have been a date, but her body language was treating it like one.

As Emily settled into her seat, Paige volunteered to get them their coffees. Emily swiveled her neck, watching as Paige went, and then took a few breaths, rearranging the condiments on the table to give herself something of a distraction from all the thoughts that were swirling around in her head.

"So, Pomona," Paige said as she set a mug in front of Emily. "That couldn't have been easy."

"No, it wasn't. " Emily wasn't there to talk about Pomona. She wanted to talk about Miranda. But this was the first time that Paige had ever engaged her in a conversation about herself and what she was going through, and she didn't want to stifle that. "I mean, the academics were tough, and the swimming was..." - Emily shook her head and waved dismissively - "... on another level. But those weren't the hardest thing." Paige nodded. She knew what Emily meant. Emily chuckled bitterly. "You know, when you go on the college tours, and you see the brochures and the videos on YouTube, they make it look like a welcoming, diverse place, but." Emily scoffed, tightening her lips. "I mean, it's a Catholic school. Nothing wrong with that, but they're still mired in outdated ideas. I should've known better."

"Yeah," Paige said sympathetically.

"It was the first time since I was in middle school that I tried to hide who I was. Everything was underground, you never knew who was watching. It was like some 1940s Noir film, you know? Everything's done through signals and innuendo, and you always have to watch your back "

"I think so." Something aboutt the image of Emily in a noir film piqued Paige's curiosity. She pictured herself in a grey dress, daring to meet Emily in a bar, constantly looking over their shoulders; finally being able to express their true feelings, alone in a cheap motel rooom as the music swelled. She cleared her throat.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry, I... Please, continue."

"Anyway," Emily said, not having anything to follow it with. She took a sip of her coffee. Paige just sat there, smiling, obviously not ready to pick up the thread of the conversation. Out of the blue, Emily softly said, "I thought I'd see you while I was out there. I guess I never realized just how big a state California really is. You know, when you live near Philly, you're used to everything being so close. Drive two hours south, you're in Delaware. Two hours north, you're in New York."

Paige laughed. "Yeah, well, Pennsylvania may be a small state north and south, but it's kind of big when you're driving across it the long way. When I crossed the border from Ohio, I started to relax, thinking I was almost home, but - Man! That's a long drive!"

"I know, right? Remember how long that bus ride was, when we had regionals out in Allegheny?"

"That huge bus on those winding, mountain roads?"

"Right?" Without thinking, Emily grabbed Paige's wrist, but pulled back immediately, as if she'd crossed a line. Paige recognized the behavior. It was flirting. She was trying to figure out how Emily felt, but it wasn't adding up. On the one hand, Emily dressed for coffee, not for a date. But then, she basically admitted that she went to Pomona to be near Paige, and then she touched her wrist and shyly pulled away. That last one didn't necessarily mean anything, though. Emily was always a touchy-feely kind of person, and she might have pulled back so quickly because she knew that Paige wasn't.

Paige wasn't sure what to make of it all. When she glanced at Emily, she saw that she was still smiling. Emily's smile was pure. That was the best way that Paige could describe it. She always thought that her own smile was world-weary, a product of all of the struggles she'd been through. But Emily had been through just as many challenges, and, yet, her smile remained pure.

As Paige silently mulled things over, Emily started to get impatient about getting down to discussing what they'd gotten together to discuss. "You were going to tell me about Miranda," she said matter-of-factly.

"Oh. Yeah." Paige shifted in her chair, obviously feeling uncomfortable. "Miranda, she's… I mean, she's great." She nodded her head as she spoke. "She was there for me in a very rough time…"

"When you blew out your knee?"

"Well, yeah." Paige, without thinking, moved her hand down to squeeze her knee, a tic that she had picked up over the years since the accident. "But that was just the beginning of it. I mean, it was a very difficult time, watching my dreams die and wondering why those even were my dreams in the first place. It was difficult, but it forced me to examine things, my life, my goals, and what I really wanted in life."

"And you realized that you really wanted her?"

"Yeah." Paige chuckled shyly. "Well, no, but I thought that's what I wanted. And she was super about it, you know. She kept me from making a big mistake."

"Yeah?"

Paige nodded. She decided to go on. "We went out a couple of times. It was fun; we had a connection. And, one night, after a couple of beers, I made a clumsy move on her, and she basically said, 'Listen, we can go there, if that's what you really want, but I don't think that's what you really want.'"

"Wow."

"Exactly." Paige hunched over her coffee cup, repeating, softly, "Wow."

Emily leaned across the table. Reading Paige's body language, she asked, "You regret it?"

Paige perked up. "No." She shrugged. "She was right. It wasn't what I really wanted." Paige was fiddling with the sugar packets, looking at them rather than at Emily. "I was looking for an anchor, I guess. Everything in my life was drifting away from me, and Miranda was always there - the one constant in my life."

Emily looked down, feeling a little hurt. She had been there, too - and for much longer than Miranda had.

Paige brushed her fingers through her hair, trying to decide whether to make the full confession. "But, yeah. I would've regretted it. And I know that, because of Jessica."

"Jessica." Emily braced herself.

Paige nodded. "Jessica was a freshman on the team during my red-shirt year. For whatever reason, she got caught up in the legend of Paige McCullers." Paige rolled her eyes and shook her head, remembering Jessica's obsession with her.

"So what happened?" Emily leaned in a little, lowering her head. She wasn't sure that she was supposed to ask, and she really wasn't sure that she wanted to know.

Paige shrugged her shoulders. "We hooked up." That was the short version. "I gave her a little attention, she gave me… herself." Paige took a sip of her coffee, avoiding Emily's eyes and the judgment she expected to see there. "Basically, I took advantage of her."

Emily put her hand on top of Paige's hand, not shrinking away this time. "Don't be so hard on yourself," she advised her. "You're not the only one who's done something she regretted. I know I've made my share of mistakes!"

"I know. Your mo-" Paige caught herself before she said the word, "mom," and quickly filled in, "your Instagram feed told me as much." She looked into Emily's eyes, to see whether she'd been able to backtrack successfully.

Emily never let on that she had picked up on what Paige said, but, as soon as coffee was over (followed by another comfortable hug between the two old friends), Emily was on the phone.

"Well, hello, Em…"

"Mom!" Emily said sharply, immediately cutting her mother off. . "Have you been talking to Paige?"

"Paige?" Pam's voice got higher as she tried to play innocent. "Why would I talk to Paige? How would I even get in touch with her?"

Emily wasn't sure how her mother would have gotten in touch with Paige, but she picked up on the fact that she hadn't denied it. "Mom, just tell me the truth!"

Emily could hear Pam take a deep breath. "Honey, don't you think this is something that we should discuss face-to-face?"

Pam shrieked as, no sooner had she said those words, the front door opened and Emily burst inside. Emily was so rattled that she continued talking on the phone, even though her mother was right there in front of her. "What have you been telling Paige about me?"

Pam ended the call. "Emmy," she said calmingly, "come have a seat."

"No, I don't want to have a seat," Emily said combatively.

"Emily Fields," Pam said a little more firmly, "Come have a seat and we'll discuss this."

Emily groaned, rolling her eyes. She hated when her mother treated her like a child, but there was nothing she could do about it. She took a seat on the couch. If that were the fastest way to get through this discussion, that's what she had to do.

Pam took Emily's hand between both of her own, something that she used to do back when Emily was little. Back when the crisis was a skinned knee or a sick turtle. "Life is funny," Pam began.

"Mom!" Emily yelled impatiently.

Pam smoothed her hand over Emily's hair. "You're born into this world, and you assume that everything has always been this way. Your parents were always together, and you were always a family, and when your parents tell you something, you believe it. And when your parents tell you, 'no,' you accept it."

Emily started tapping her foot, wishing for the SparkNotes condensed version of this lecture.

"Then, all of a sudden, you reach a certain age, and you start to make your own choices, and your friends become more important than your parents." Pam looked away from Emily, trying to control her emotions. "And, if you're lucky, you meet someone, and you start a life together, and, pretty soon, you have a little one of your own. And you can't believe how much you love her. And it's overwhelming that she looks to you to tell her what to do and what not to do. Until, one day, she doesn't. And you realize that she has to learn to make her own choices, and you have to learn to let her go."

"Mom," Emily said sincerely, squeezing her mother's hand.

"When you told me that you liked girls, it was the hardest day of my life, because I wanted what's best for you. And I had to come to terms with the fact that what was best for me wasn't what was best for you. And that what I thought was best for you wasn't necessarily what was best for you. But I never once stopped wanting what was best for you. And everything I did - even when I questioned your sexuality - was because I wanted what was best for you."

Emily took a deep breath, realizing that she shouldn't be upset with her mother. But that didn't mean that what her mother had done was right. "I get that you want what's best for me," she said, trying to remain calm, "but why did you talk to Paige? How was that any of your business?"

"Well, Emmy," Pam said with a motherly smile, "do you remember that first time I took you for swimming lessons?" Emily nodded. She knew that she wasn't going to be able to get out of hearing the story, so her best bet was to try to hurry her mother along. "The pool was so big, and everything was so loud, and you were afraid to get in." Pam punched Emily's shoulder to punctuate her next words. "But I knew you loved the water. I'd seen the way you played in the rain and in your little kiddie pools. You just needed a little push." Pam gave Emily a push. "So, I gave you a little push!"

Emily looked down at her lap, smiling at the memory. "Mom?" she said softly.

"Yes, Honey?"

"I'm not a little kid anymore!" Emily protested, rising to her feet. "I'm not afraid of the water, and I don't need you to give me 'a little push,' okay?" (Emily surrounded the words her mother had used with air-quotes, making her voice deeper as she said them.)

"Whatever you say, my little mermaid!"

"Uggggh!" Emily threw her hands up in frustration as Pam stood up and hugged her.

* * *

Emily had a hard time getting to sleep that night. It wasn't the fight with her mother. She knew that they would get past that. It was the coffee date with Paige. She kept running it over and over in her mind, thinking of what she could have said or how she could have given Paige some kind of signal, no matter how small. She turned over to the other side in bed every five minutes or so, as if finding the perfect position would ease her mind. She wanted to cry. She wanted to talk to Hanna, but she didn't want Hanna to judge her. She rolled over onto her back and picked up her phone.

"Thanks for coffee!" she texted, with exclamation points and a smiley face. "Next time, my treat!"

Paige was awake when her phone buzzed with a new text. She smiled when she read Emily's words. Maybe stopping through Rosewood for a visit hadn't been such a bad idea after all.


	14. Say Something

"So, anyway, Fulton told me that Hackett wanted to see me before I left, so I stopped by his office and – bam! Out of the blue, he offers me the AD position!"

Emily's eyes were as wide as saucers, and her jaw dropped. "No way!"

"Right?" Paige said, smiling in disbelief. "Like, what high school even has an athletic director?"

"So, what did you say?"

"I told him I'd let him know. I mean, I've already committed to Iowa, so…"

"Yeah. Iowa State! The Big 12. That's a great opportunity. You have to take it!"

Paige was a little disappointed that Emily didn't seem interested in getting her to stay. "Well, anyway, I told him I'd think it over."

"Yeah." Emily nodded her head idly, not looking at Paige. "I always thought you'd end up out in California."

"With Nick and Marlene?" Paige scoffed. "California was  _their_  dream," she said bitterly. "They can have it. That whole... ordeal. It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth."

"Well, it wasn't all bad. I mean, you made some good friends. You... learned a lot about yourself."

"Yeah, I guess." Paige shook her head rapidly. "I don't know. It just reminds me of everything my parents wanted me to do. All of their dreams that they were trying to live through me. And how they totally wrote me off, once their dreams died."

Emily pouted empathetically. Trying to get off that subject and onto something more upbeat, she said, "Well, Iowa sounds like _your_  dream job, then." Turning her gaze away from Paige, she added, "And, you know, it's not as you have anything tying you back to Rosewood, now that your parents are in Cali." Emily bit her lip and took a quick glance at Paige's reaction.

Paige chuckled, defeated. "Yeah," she said softly, and then again, more confidently. "Yeah! You're right, Emily! It's a great job, a great chance to start fresh, with no history and no bad memories…"

Paige was excited. She kept going on and on, but Emily didn't really hear her. She had misplayed her hand. When she mentioned that Paige didn't have anyone , she expected Paige to say something like, "Well, maybe there is  _someone_ ," and that would open the door for them to start being honest about their feelings. Any other woman would have done that. Any of the half-dozen women Emily had dated in high school and college would've done that. But not Paige McCullers. Paige was always a straight shooter. She didn't pick up on hints. Or maybe she truly wasn't interested after all.

"And, when recruiting season comes around, I'll have an inside gal here on the Rosewood staff!"

Emily pumped her fist in faux enthusiasm. "I'm your gal," she said weakly. There was a cruel irony in that statement, since it meant that Emily actually wasn't Paige's gal. But, she could see the excitement in Paige's eyes at the prospect of coaching at Iowa State. She was happy for her.

* * *

"So, did you talk to her?"

Emily took a long sip of her coffee. Without looking up as she set down her mug, she nodded and said, "We talked."

"And?" Hanna, impatiently, was almost yelling. She spread her fingers out wide, her hands palms-up against the table.

Emily shrugged. "She's going to Iowa."

Hanna grunted out of frustration.

"What?" Emily wanted to know why Hanna was upset.

"I thought she'd changed." Hanna's arms were flailing wildly. She was getting angry. "I thought it meant something, when she came back to Rosewood."

"Don't blame her, Hanna." Emily raised a finger in rebuke. "It's a great opportunity. I totally get it."

"Did you tell her that you wanted her to stay?"

Emily took a deep breath and another long sip. "Not… in so many words?"

"What does that mean?" Emily had the look of a puppy who'd been caught with Mommy's shoes. Hanna's expression changed. "What did you tell her?" she asked accusingly.

Emily looked off to the side, avoiding Hanna's eyes. "I told her that it was a great opportunity. And I told her that she didn't have anybody keeping her in Rosewood."

"Emily!"

"I meant she didn't have any family here. I just assumed…"

"Just assumed what?" Hanna demanded. Emily raised her shoulders and tightened her lips. "God, Emily! You know how Paige is! She's so focused on how her life is supposed to go." Hanna made karate chops with her hand across the table, as if to delineate the compartments that Paige made of her life. "She's not going to pick up on 'I just assumed…'!"

"Well, maybe it's for the best." Hanna raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "Hanna, this is Paige's  _dream_  job. I mean, now that swimming is off the table. This is the perfect job for her. I don't want to be the one that takes that away from her. I don't want her to resent me for the rest of her life. Do to her what her parents did and try to make her life about making me happy."

"Urgh!" Hanna ran her fingers through her hair, almost pulling it out. "When did you stop believing in love?"

"Me?" Emily protested. "What about you? When did you become Paige's biggest defender?"

"Since I saw how much she means to you," Hanna said softly. This time, she was the one who looked away. "Since I saw that you never lost your feelings for her, and I saw how happy you were when she came back into town."

"Well," Emily said between sips of coffee, "at some point, you've got to realize that it's over. Paige is leaving tomorrow morning, and I've got to deal with that. I'm not going to beg her to stay."

"God! Emily! You're not even going to talk to her? Try to stop her?"

"I can't do that, Hanna. That would be... stupid."

Emily wasn't lying. She didn't want to be the reason that Paige sacrificed her dreams. But, partially, she was afraid of what it would do to her if she came right out and asked Paige to stay, and Paige rejected her. She wasn't sure she could handle that.

* * *

Hanna's arms were hugging her chest, and she was rocking back and forth slightly as she stood in the parking lot in front of the Radley. It was early, and there was a chill in the air. But it was Hanna's nerves, not the weather, that had her hugging her body and shivering. She had been waiting in the parking lot for almost an hour, and she still had no idea what she was going to say when Paige came out.

"Hey!" she said aggressively, when Paige showed up. She was towing one piece of luggage, and had another strapped over her shoulder. She jumped at the unexpected sound and did a quick look of her surroundings, assessing how to respond to the threat. Her hand was cocked and ready for a fight.

"P… Paige," Hanna said, a little less threateningly.

Hanna was moving towards her, unsteady on her feet. Paige had seen that look before. She had a way of intimidating her competition when she was swimming. Like Hanna, they often tried to put on a brave face, but their bodies gave them away.

"We need to talk." There was only a hint of tremolo in Hanna's voice.

Paige angled her head to the side, shaking it no. "No, we don't," she said coolly. "I need to get on the road."

"Okay, I get it," Hanna said sarcastically, throwing her hands up. "You don't like me, and I don't like you. But I'm here, right? So, it's got to be pretty important?"

Paige inhaled deeply and leaned back against the car. "Make it quick," she said. "I want to beat the rush hour traffic."

Hanna rolled her eyes. "Can we just… not do this in the parking lot? Can we just go somewhere?"

Paige groaned overly dramatically, to make the point that she was aggrieved, but she opened the rear door and tossed her luggage inside, closing the door with a loud thud. "Fine," she said peevishly. "Let's go."

Hanna gestured towards the lobby of the Radley and headed in that direction, walking briskly and even taking a couple of running steps, to keep pace with Paige. Paige went to sit at one of the tables in the reception area, but Hanna grabbed her wrist and led her over to the breakfast area. They were going to do this over coffee.

Hanna tapped on her cardboard coffee cup with the nail on her middle finger. "You have to take that job at Rosewood High," she informed Paige. She sounded on the brink of tears.

"Oh, really?" Paige said defiantly. She gave Hanna an icy stare.

Hanna knew that she couldn't out-intimidate Paige. That wasn't what she was there for. She was there to beg. The gaze that she shot back at Paige was softer; more submissive – but just as unrelenting. Paige backed down.

"Well, anyway," she mumbled, "I already told Hackett no, so…"

"You can tell him that you changed your mind," Hanna blurted out desperately. Paige opened her mouth, but Hanna cut you off. "It's obvious that he wants you to stay in Rosewood."

Paige opened her mouth again and started to say something, but she paused, tilting her head to the side. " _He_  wants me to stay?"

"Yes," Hanna said weakly. She looked down at her coffee cup. "And I want… I want you to stay." She looked up at Paige again.

"Really?  _You_  want me to stay in Rosewood."

Hanna dropped her shoulders. "You're supposed to be the smart one." Hanna waved her hands, making her voice mockingly deep. " Big Stanford grad." Back to her normal voice, only a bit softer, she added, "You can figure it out."

"Yeah." Paige tightened her lips and slowly nodded her head. "Yeah, I suppose I can."

* * *

Emily didn't bother looking up from the stat sheets that she was reviewing when she heard a knock on her office door. "Come," she said flatly.

She loved her team, but she wasn't in the mood to discuss their training issues or their squabbles with their parents or whatever was going on with them and their locker partners at that moment.

"Em."

Emily looked up, stunned at the unexpected but familiar voice. She gestured towards the seat on the other side of her desk.

"Did you hear from her?" Hanna, still leaning in the doorway, asked.

Emily chuckled dryly and took a look at the clock. "She's halfway through Ohio by now."

"She didn't call you or anything?" Hanna asked in disbelief. She thought she had gotten through to Paige. Emily shook her head "no" with a sad smile. She knew that Hanna had good intentions, but she really didn't need her faced rubbed in it, so soon after Paige left her behind.

Hanna was trying to keep from crying. As the day went by and she hadn't heard from Emily, she'd had a growing sense of dread that Paige had just left. She crossed over to the chair that Emily had offered earlier, smoothing out her skirt as she sat down. "Well, I just wanted to tell you," she croaked. "It's not over. Even though it doesn't look good now. She's going to realize what she's leaving behind, and… and…"

Emily reached for Hanna's arm and gave it a squeeze. "Look, Hanna, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but you don't have to. Really, I'm okay."

Hanna stood up and extended her arms. Emily walked around the desk and gave her a hug. "Just promise me you won't give up on her, okay?" Hanna's lips were close to Emily's ear. "Even if you date other people. Even if she…"

Emily backed away slightly. "What brought all this on?"

"I'm just saying!" Hanna looked deep into her eyes. "I know how you feel about her. And I know she feels that way about you, too."

"Oh, really? And how do you know that?"

Hanna knew that Emily would go ballistic if she knew about her chat with Paige earlier in the day. Especially since the chat hadn't worked. "Just, please, trust me on this one, okay?" She smoothed her hand over Emily's hair. "I know people. And I'm telling you: Don't give up on Paige."

* * *

"Well, well." The voice on the other end of the line sounded weary but upbeat. "If it isn't Paige McCullers."

"Hi, Mir."

"What time is it?"

"Oh, God! I forgot about the time difference!"

"It's okay, it's okay." Miranda yawned, long and loud. "This is a treat! I hardly ever hear from you anymore!"

"Actually, I'm on the alumni fund-raising committee, so you'll be hearing from me at least once a year." Paige was trying to lighten the mood.

"Oh," Miranda sighed. "I should've known."

"I'm just kidding!" Paige interjected quickly. "It's not that time of year, yet."

Miranda chuckled wryly. "Well, then, let me guess. This must be about a girl." She heard Paige let out a deep breath. "Seriously, Paige?" She exhaled, too. "Still?"

"I know, I know…"

"I thought you were going to Iowa to get away from all that?"

"I stopped in Rosewood," Paige mumbled.

"You did what?"

"I went by there, for one last good-bye, you know? To say good-bye to my old coach, my old… friends." Miranda clicked her tongue. "And, okay! Yes, I went to see her!"

"Paige, you're being so unfair to this girl. Either tell her how you feel or let her go. What do you expect her to do, throw herself at you, just because you show up? I swear, why do you keep torturing yourself? And her?"

"But, it was different this time! I actually asked her to meet me for coffee, and we talked about a bunch of things…"

"Did you tell her how you feel?"

Paige's voice got soft. "I couldn't get a read on the situation. I showed up, dressed for a date, and she showed up, like 'Hiya, Pal!' And Emily's never like that when she goes out. She was clearly sending me a message."

"Oh, Lord, help me!" Miranda stopped herself before she said what she was thinking - that the two of them deserved each other.

"And then," Paige said, picking up the pace because she was desperate to justify her belief that Emily didn't think of her that way, "I went to my old high school, and the vice principal offered me a job on the spot. So, I told Emily about it, and she's like, 'Why would you possibly stay here? There's no one left in Rosewood for you! Iowa State's your dream job! What are you waiting for?'" Paige's hands were flailing wildly as she spoke. "She actually came right out and said that there's nobody in Rosewood to keep me there!"

"Shit, Paige," Miranda whispered. Paige shrugged her shoulders with a frown. "God, I wish I were there with you, so we could go get drunk!"

"I wish you were, too."

"So, how do you feel?"

Paige's chest heaved as she thought it over. "Confused," she said at last.

"About?"

"Well, the next morning, when I was on m way out of town, her best friend like ambushed me in the parking lot and practically begged me to take the job in Rosewood."

"Her best friend who hates you?"

"Exactly. The one who told me not to hurt Emily. So… I mean, what was  _that_  about?"

Miranda thought for a moment before she answered. "Paige," she said soberly, "ask yourself why you called me. You don't need me to tell you what it meant, right? You just want someone to tell you to do what you already want to do. You just want me to do for you what her best friend did for her."

"I… It's a bit more complicated than that."

"Yeah, it's really not, though, is it?" Miranda waited for a response, but when none came, she followed up. "How did you leave things with her."

"Well, I… uh…"

"Paige!"

"I was on my way out of town," Paige protested defensively. "What was I supposed to do? Hanna ambushed me in the parking lot – I couldn't very well just… I mean, what was I supposed to do, Miranda?"

"Anything other than fucking leave town and not say anything to her, Paige!"

"So, that's it? It's over?"

"You keep trying to sabotage yourself when it comes to this girl, don't you? It's as if you don't want to give her the chance to reject you. And then you torture yourself by wondering why you're not together." Paige groaned weakly. "Paige, this is not healthy behavior!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It gets better really soon! I promise!


	15. The Road Warrior

Paige buried herself in her work. It was what she did best: Hyper-focusing on her job; letting herself get consumed in the minutiae. That kind of singular focus was the one skill she'd retained from the days when she was being groomed to become a swimming machine. Perhaps that time wasn't all a waste after all.

As the newest assistant coach, she got saddled with all the drudgery that no one else wanted to deal with. That was fine with her. It gave her less time for her thoughts to wander about the other areas of her life - and about how her life might have been different, if she'd taken that job at Rosewood.

That conversation with Hanna in the parking lot haunted her on an almost daily basis. Hanna seemed so earnest; more than that – she seemed desperate. But that didn't mean that she was right. Paige, after all, had heard directly from Emily herself:  _Go to Iowa. You'd be crazy not to. There's no one to keep you here._

It had been painful to hear, but it was necessary. Emily was reminding her that they weren't two infatuated high school kids anymore. There was a time for everything. A time for moving on.

But she could never have forgotten about Emily completely. Not even if she'd wanted to.

Paige kept in contact not only with Emily, but with all of her former teammates - from Rosewood and from Stanford - who were coaching at the high school level. It was what all college coaches did. All of the good ones did, at least. You could never tell where the next great thing was going to emerge from, and if she happened to emerge from a school where you knew the coach, that worked in your advantage.

Recruiting season was brutal. Paige was racking up the frequent-flyer miles. It got to the point that she sometimes didn't know what city she was in when she got to the rental counter.

She knew where she was when she landed in Philadelphia, though. She chuckled to herself when she got Emily's text telling her that she was circling the "Arrivals" area in a blue Toyota. Some things never change.

Emily got out of the car and gave Paige a hug. She reached for Paige's carry-on bag but backed away, her hands thrown up in surrender, when Paige picked up the bag herself and hoisted it into the back seat.

"Traveling light?"

"I've learned," Paige replied, strapping herself into the passenger seat.

"I guess you're quite the road warrior," Emily said with a soft smile. Then, enthusiastically, she added, "How does it feel to be back home?" patting Paige on the thigh.

Paige couldn't think of anything, for a moment or two, except the feeling of Emily's hand on her thigh.

"I… uh… it feels good," she said softly.

Emily smiled at her for a moment, then turned her attention back to the road. She blew out a puff of air as she ran the thumb and middle finger of her left hand through her hair and let her hand drop to her lap. Her thumb was twitching against her thigh, in beat to the song on the radio. Paige did her best to keep her eyes focused out of the window and not in the seat next to her.

"You know, I could've rented a car," she said. "Iowa State gets me a car wherever I go."

Emily looked over at her. "Don't be silly. I'll pick you up at the hotel tomorrow morning on my way to work. Then, after morning practice, you can take the car over to Ravenswood for your meetings with Coach Bowers." She smiled over at Paige. "Easy-peasy."

"I'm not sure I'm supposed to accept gratuities from high school coaches…"

"Uh, pretty sure it's the other way around," Emily replied. "I don't think the NCAA is worried about high school coaches bribing recruiters to get their players scholarships!"

Paige shrugged her shoulders, smiling shyly. Emily shoved her shoulder. "I have to sit through the same boring training on NCAA recruiting rules that you do," she reminded her.

As they neared Rosewood, Paige pulled out her phone and pulled up the information on her reservations. Emily, taking a peek, remarked, "Ooh! The Radley! Iowa State must think a lot of you!"

Paige chuckled, dipping her head. "Well, I convinced them that it was cheaper than the hotels in Philly, so…"

Emily looked over with a quick smile and turned her attention back to the road. "So, I'll pick you up at 6:30 for dinner?"

"Yeah." Paige nodded. "My treat!" Then, making her voice deeper, she added, "It's allowed. I checked."

* * *

Paige showered and got dressed after she checked in to her room at The Radley. She wanted to be comfortable, not overdressed, but she didn't want to show up in her Iowa State warm-up suit. After pacing around a bit, she went into the bathroom to put on a touch of foundation. She didn't usually wear a lot of makeup. And she didn't need to put on makeup for her dinner with Emily; she just needed something to keep her mind occupied as she waited for 6:30 to roll around. Pacing around her hotel room was driving her crazy.

Paige wasn't really a people-person, but she'd gotten used to the kind of schmoozing that she had to do to make inroads with high school coaches, since she was recruiting for one of the lesser-known swimming programs. She'd had at least a couple dozen of these dinners over the course of the season, and they were starting to make her less and less nervous.

Of course, this one was different.

She and Emily had a connection, the last time Paige was in Rosewood. But that had been half a year ago. And, even though they'd connected on some level, Emily had pushed her away.

Maybe absence had made Emily's heart grow fonder. On the other hand, maybe Emily had moved on. Or, maybe the connection had all been in Paige's head, and Emily had only ever seen them as friends.

Paige suddenly felt sad after letting her mind wander around to that conclusion. She also felt overdressed and overly made-up, but it was too late to change. She took a quick look at her watch and fluffed her hair a bit before heading down to the lobby to meet Emily.

Emily showed up a couple of minutes after 6:30, with a smile that disarmed Paige. Paige half worried that Hanna was going to show up with her; that Emily was giving another one of her less-than-subtle signals that this wasn't a date. She didn't fully relax till they got to Emily's car and she saw that it was just the two of them.

* * *

Paige wasn't too surprised when Emily pulled up to The Brew. "I'd heard they upgraded from just a glorified coffee shop," she remarked. It made sense that Emily had decided to take her to there, knowing that Paige would enjoy seeing how much their old high school hangout had changed.

Emily just smiled at Paige's comment. When Paige went to open the door to The Brew for Emily, Emily crinkled her forehead and pointed to a wooden door off to the left. It was Paige's turn to be confused as Emily pulled out her key and unlocked the door, gesturing for Paige to go in.

Paige was in front as they headed up the stairs, though she didn't know where they were headed. She stopped at the top and let Emily lead the way. Emily unlocked the middle door between two others and ushered Paige into her apartment. "I thought you might enjoy a home-cooked meal for a change," she said, "after all that time on the road." She bit her lip, suddenly second-guessing that assumption. "I hope that's okay?"

Paige relaxed her shoulders and let out a sigh. "It's perfect."

Paige took a quick look around the apartment once she got inside. It was small, but it had a cozy; lived in look. "Nice place," she remarked.

Emily chuckled. "It's really not, though!" She pointed Paige towards the couch. "But it beats living with my parents in my mid-to-late twenties," she said, adding, "I don't want to be  _that_  cliché."

Paige put her hands up. "No, I get that. Believe me. But, I wasn't just being polite. This place is great. Seriously. You should try living in  _my_ place." Paige abruptly stopped talking, once she heard how that sounded.

"Thanks," Emily said softly, disregarding the misinterpretation that she could've made from the way Paige had worded her last statement.

Out of the corner of her eye, Paige saw a little doggie dish and a little doggie bed. "Where's…" She hesitated before finishing.

"You can say it," Emily announced, with an embarrassed giggle. She lowered her head, tucking her hair behind her ear. " _McCullers_ ," she said, with her eyes wide and her hands waving, just a fraction of a second before Paige said it, too. Emily cleared her throat. "She's with my Mom. My Dad's out of town, so she's keeping her company."

Paige nodded her head. "I guess it gets pretty lonely in a big house all by yourself."

Emily chuckled. "Yeah. Or in a small apartment." Quickly moving past those thoughts, she opened a cabinet above the sink and pulled out a wine glass. "Dinner should be ready in a couple of minutes. How about a glass of wine?" She backtracked quickly. Or, are you not allowed, when you're recruiting?"

Paige rolled her eyes. "I'm sure it's fine over dinner," she said wryly as she took a seat on Emily's couch. Her hands were at her sides, and she nervously drummed her fingers against the cushion. She perked up a little when Emily came over with the wine, leaning forward a bit to take a glass out of Emily's hands. "So, any hot prospects out there swimming under the radar?"

Emily drew back the wine glass that she was just about to hand to Paige. "I thought you weren't on the clock tonight!"

Paige put her hands up to protest her innocence. "I'm just making conversation!"

"I'm kidding," Emily said, extending the glass again. "Here." She wiped her hands against the side of her jeans and turned back towards the kitchen. "Actually," she said as she walked away, "there  _is_  someone I was hoping you'd keep an eye on." Emily disappeared behind the counter, bending down to fish out a pan for stir-fry. Popping her head up, she continued, "Danica Bradley?"

Paige's head snapped back. "Emily, every recruiter in the country has her eye on Danica! But she's out of Iowa State's league. I'd have better luck recruiting her as part of the Stanford alumnae recruiting program!"

"Yeah, but that's just it." Emily was leaning with both elbows on the counter with her fingers intertwined. "She's not really a big-program type of kid. She's not ready for the pressure. Plus, she wants to be closer to her family."

"Well," Paige replied, "Iowa State's not Penn State! It's still a hefty drive to get from here to…" Paige saw Emily's face drop as she spoke. She had the feeling that Emily wanted Danica to go somewhere where Emily knew that there was someone to look after her. She switched gears quickly. "I mean, I'll talk to her, of course," she assured Emily. "I just don't know what the chances are that she'll be interested in Iowa."

Emily smiled gratefully and turned to get a start on dinner. Paige stood up and offered to help, but Emily gestured for her to sit down, assuring her that it was under control. Paige did end up going over to the kitchen, though, because it was harder for them to hear each other in separate rooms. Emily plated up the stir fry and handed the plates to Paige, directing her back to the couch. "In a small place like this," she explained, "everything does double-duty." She followed behind Paige with the wine bottle and a bowl of salad. "The coffee table doubles as the dining room table." Pointing at the actual dining room table, she said, "I don't really like eating there. It just seems too formal for one person."

* * *

They ended up talking about the Rosewood team, and, to a lesser extent, the Ravenswood team, over dinner. By the end, Paige had her phone out, showing Emily what kind of offer Iowa State might be able to make to Danica. Emily was leaning over Paige's shoulder, with her arm planted between them to steady herself. Paige was doing her best to keep her breathing under control, but in trying not to breathing too quickly, she ended up holding her breath. She eased to the side of the couch to put some distance between them and take the pressure off as she took a deep gulp of air.

After Paige moved, Emily couldn't see the phone, so, without thinking, she pulled Paige's wrist to move the phone closer. Paige was caught off guard and reflexively jerked her wrist away.

"Paige," Emily said accusingly, "I can't see!" She smacked Paige on the thigh. "God! This is just like high school, when you hogged the roster sheets, and nobody else could get a look!"

Paige, already on edge from the proximity with Emily, and caught off guard by the physical contact, abruptly sprang to her feet. Emily was horrified. "Oh, man! I'm sorry, Paige! I didn't mean to hit you that hard!"

Paige gestured with her palms down, to calm Emily and let her know that she was all right. In reality, she was trying to calm herself just as much. "I'm fine," she said slowly. "I just… I need to go to the little girls' room for a minute."

Emily, looking like a frightened puppy, pointed towards the hallway. Paige turned around as she walked away and mouthed the words, "I'm okay," hoping to reassure Emily.

But, truthfully, she was not okay.

She closed the door to the bathroom and then turned around again, thinking it was best to lock it. There wasn't much space in there, but she didn't need much. She leaned with one arm against the wall and the other on her stomach, breathing deeply. She turned her left cheek towards the mirror and then the right, examining them to see how red with embarrassment they'd gotten during the encounter on the couch. She shook her hands out at her sides and exhaled through her mouth. After a few practice-smiles, she reached for the door, but realized that she should probably flush the toilet first, to make it look good. She ran the water in the sink, pantomiming washing her hands (even though Emily couldn't see her, of course), and crumpled the hand-towel a little, as if she'd used it to dry her hands. She lowered her head, closed her eyes, and made a fist. Then, as calmly as she could, she reached for the door.

Emily, in the meantime, was at her wits' end in the living room. She stood and paced for a bit, then sat down, thinking that would look less suspicious, and then started to tidy up, realizing that dinner – and whatever the hell else it had been – was truly over. She quickly sat down, not wanting to be standing when Paige returned, but, as soon as she heard the bathroom door, she got up on her feet again without thinking, rubbing her hands against the side of her jeans as Paige walked down the hallway. Paige gave her a smile, hoping to reassure her that everything was okay.

"Well, I guess you've got an early day tomorrow, so…"

"Well, actually," Paige said softly, "I was kind of in the mood for dessert." Emily's face brightened, but she didn't say anything. "The Brew?" Paige offered, raising her eyebrows. "It's the least I can do, after you made me dinner!"

Emily found her tongue. She knew that she should have said, "Oh, you don't have to do that," but, instead, she said, "That sounds nice."

Emily was trying to hide her nerves. She had promised herself that, if Paige did or said anything that even remotely hinted at this being a date, she would do something bold – like taking Paige's hand. It was hard enough just to convince herself to make that promise, even when she knew how unlikely it was that Paige would actually make any kind of gesture. But, once Paige asked about dessert, Emily discovered that following through on the promise was even harder. She started frantically looking for a loophole to get herself off the hook.

* * *

Emily could have reached across the table and taken Paige's hand as she laughed at one of Paige's jokes at the Brew, but she chickened out. She could have done the quick thank-you squeeze on the shoulder as she walked by when Paige held the door for her at the end of the evening, on the way back to the car, but her hand just wouldn't cooperate. Finally, she found herself pulling into a parking spot in front of The Radley, knowing that her time was up. She would either have to make a move or break her promise to herself. She turned off the car and opened her door.

Paige, thinking that Emily was getting out to give her a good-night hug, walked around the front of the car to meet her. Emily obliged with a hug, and, when they separated, she let her hand drop down, intertwining her fingers with Paige's. "I'll walk you to your door," she announced.

Paige gave Emily a look, as if asking, "Are we actually going to do this?" Emily just smiled and squeezed Paige's hand a little tighter, swinging it slightly as they walked.

Paige didn't know what to say, but she was smiling the way she did on the night years ago, when they met for the first time and toddler-Emily kept kissing her in her bedroom.

Emily was trying to project confidence as they stepped into the hotel's lobby, but the only thing that she was confident of was that Paige could hear her heart beating in her chest. Little did she know that Paige's heart was beating just as frantically.

"Good evening, Ms. McCullers!" the young man at the front desk called enthusiastically. A full second later, he added, "Ms. Fields!"

Paige turned to Emily with a questioning look on her face. She was a little worried that Emily spent so much time in The Radley. Emily explained that the guy used to date one of her swimmers. "How does he know  _you_?"

Paige had gotten used to being greeted by name, during her last visit to the hotel. "I guess that's how they train their staff," she said with a shrug. "Ritzy place!"

"Well, I hope this" - Emily raised their clasped hands - "doesn't cause a scandal," she joked.

Paige pushed the call button for the elevator. She was going to respond with a joke of her own – something about how they might both end up unemployed – but she didn't want to risk saying something that would make Emily let go of her hand.

Emily was still holding her hand when they got to Paige's door. Paige knew, though, that this was good-night. She took Emily's other hand and opened her mouth to say those words, but she didn't get the chance.

Emily was pretty that sure she knew why Paige had taken her other hand and had parted her lips. She smiled slightly, closed her eyes, and leaned in, realizing too late, to her horror, that Paige wasn't moving any closer. By then, she was past the point of no return. She didn't really have a choice.

She kissed Paige.


	16. Just a Kiss

She tasted like Emily; tasted the way Paige somehow knew that Emily would taste. It was as if her mind had stored the memory of Emily's taste from that kiss in the car, keeping it locked up for years until it could finally be awakened by another kiss. But this kiss was nothing like the previous kiss. That kiss had been quick, aggressive, and hard. This kiss was the opposite: languid, tender, romantic.

Emily couldn't believe that the kiss was still going on. But Paige wasn't stopping her. And she didn't want to stop. Their heads tilted at the same time, a spontaneous movement as coordinated and synchronized as one of their switchovers in the pool, during a relay race. Emily felt Paige's knee buckle slightly, so she lowered her hand to Paige's thigh, massaging it gently to help get the blood flowing again. Paige couldn't suppress the moan that welled up deep inside her. That was the confirmation that Emily needed. She parted her lips ever so slightly, and she felt Paige's breath hitch.

That was it. The spell was broken. The kiss was over.

When their lips parted, Emily peeked up at Paige with one eye open. She was playing it for comedy, to a certain extent, using humor to mask her fear. Quite frankly, she felt vulnerable. A sheep to the slaughter.

She stopped breathing, knowing that she'd gone too far. She could think of a million ways that Paige could react to the kiss – and only one of them was good.

She tilted her head to the side, her body language asking, "Are you okay? Are  _we_  okay?" But the words that came out of her mouth instead were a barely audible, "Was that okay?"

Paige smiled convincingly. "Yeah," she said, in a deep husky voice. She put her hands on Emily's sides. "Look, I know this is going to sound horrible, but I think we both need to process what just happened a little bit before we talk it through." She tilted her head, with a half-smile. "Plus, I  _really_  need to get some sleep tonight. So, maybe we should call it an evening, and promise ourselves that we'll talk about it tomorrow?"

Emily nodded. She really wanted to talk about it, but she could see the advantages of a clear head and a good night's sleep. Assuming that she would be able to sleep.

Paige read the uncertainty on her face. "Emily," she said soothingly, "it's fine, really. I swear I'm okay."

"Okay," Emily said sheepishly, with a nervous laugh as she stepped back from Paige's grip. She exhaled in a long, high-pitched breath. "Okay, so, I'll meet you in the lobby at 7:30 sharp?"

"Yeah," Paige said with a nod.

"Okay." It was getting more awkward by the second. There wasn't a good way for Emily to get out of there. Finally, leaning in the direction of the elevator, she said, "So, I'm going to go, now…" Paige nodded. "So, I'll see you in the morning."

Emily still hadn't moved. Paige extended her arms, inviting her for a hug. "See you in the morning," she husked.

Emily chuckled once and ran her finger through her hair as she backed away and, finally, turned and almost ran down the hall.

"Emily?" Emily wheeled around to see what Paige wanted. "Text me to let me know that you made it home safe?"

Emily smiled and nodded her head.

That one statement let her know that Paige really  _was_  okay with what had happened. Hearing it meant that Emily would be able to sleep that night. She pushed the call button for the elevator about a hundred times – not from impatience, but from excitement. Once she was safely inside, she pumped her fist and let out a soft, "Yeah!"

On her way out of the lobby, she made a point of waving at the guy at the front desk, yelling, "Good night, Bobby!" She wanted to make sure that he knew that she hadn't spent the night in Paige's room.

* * *

Paige's hands trembled as she fumbled around in her purse, reaching for the keycard to unlock her room. Frustrated, she pounded her fist against the door. She didn't know what was wrong with her. She was more jittery than she was after the kiss in Emily's car. She stepped back for a moment, took a breath, and started over, finding her keycard and letting herself inside. As she switched on the light, she noticed that she was smiling. She tossed her bag onto the counter and dabbed her lips against a tissue.

She wasn't sure what had happened or why it had happened, but it had been a good night.

Emily really wanted to call Hanna. She wanted someone to help her process things. But, she had a feeling that talking to Hanna would raise more questions than it answered, and make it even harder for her to get to sleep. In the end, she decided that she was better off waiting until she had all the facts before she filled Hanna in on the details.

* * *

Paige was waiting in the carport when Emily pulled up. Emily waved, even though she didn't need to. Of course, Paige recognized her car. Emily felt a little silly for having made the gesture.

Paige opened the door in the back and tossed her roll-on bag inside, smiling pleasantly as she took her place in the front seat. She didn't say anything beyond an oddly formal sounding, "Hello."

Evidently, it wasn't the right time to talk about the kiss yet.

They didn't talk about much of anything on the way to Rosewood High. Emily, her elbow propped up on the armrest, leaned her head on her hand, idly swirling her fingers through strands of her hair. The ride to school had never seemed so long. She wished she were in the passenger seat, so that she could at least pull out her phone and pretend to be looking at it. The tension was incredible. She glanced over at Paige, her head still resting in her hand. Paige was sitting up straight in the chair with her hands on her legs, as if she were posing for the Lincoln Monument or something. Emily yawned, to cover up a sigh. It seemed pretty obvious that Paige had had second thoughts.

"How'd you sleep?"

"I slept fine." Emily was trying her best to sound upbeat. "How about you?"

Paige nodded, patting her palms against her khakis. "Good," she said flatly.

And then more silence.

A moment or two later, Paige reached for her phone, squinting a little as she tapped out a message. "That was Coach Bailey," she explained, brandishing her phone in Emily's direction, "confirming the time for lunch."

"Okay. Don't let me forget to give you my car keys," Emily said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah," Paige replied, barely acknowledging what Emily had said before she zoomed ahead to the point that she wanted to make. "And I pushed back my flight till tomorrow morning, so we should have plenty of time to talk. I was thinking dinner?"

Emily nodded. "That sounds good."

"I can't do home-cooked, but the Radley's sort of my home for tonight, and they've got a pretty kicking menu."

Emily looked over and smiled. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I've always wondered what the rooms looked like in the Radley."

"Well then it's settled," Paige said, nodding her head. "We'll get room service." Clearing her throat, she quickly clarified, "It's a suite, with a little meeting room."

"Okay," Emily said softly.

"I didn't want you to take it the wrong way, me inviting you up to my room," Paige said, half joking, but definitely wanting that to be clear. She lifted her hand, thinking to give Emily's leg a squeeze, but she chickened out and checked her nails instead. She rationalized the change in plan by telling herself that it wouldn't have been appropriate to squeeze Emily's thigh at that point in time. But the truth of the matter was – she chickened out.

* * *

As soon as Emily had a free moment, she fired off a call to Hanna.

"Hey."

"Hey, Hanna. Listen, I'm going to have to cancel tonight."

Hanna sighed heavily into the phone. "What did she do?"

Emily and Hanna had planned to get drunk, to help Emily get over seeing Paige again, but Hanna deduced that Emily was too depressed even for that.

"Nothing bad," Emily said, in a condescending tone. "It's just – she pushed her flight back till tomorrow morning, so we're going to meet for dinner."

Hanna groaned, playing up how aggrieved she was. "Just don't do anything stupid – like kissing her!" she teased.

Emily held her tongue. She really wanted to tell her what had happened and wipe off the smug smile that she knew was on her face, but she played it cool. "I'll try to control myself," she said dryly.

* * *

"Wow!" Emily was wide-eyed as she stepped into Paige's suite at the Radley.

"I know, right? Pretty ritzy!"

"You would never guess that this used to be an asylum."

"Yeah – it looks nothing like Arkham!"

Emily opened her mouth and then, not quite getting the reference, turned to Paige with a questioning look.

"Arkham Asylum for the Criminally…" Paige shook her head, embarrassed. "Batman reference," she explained. Emily chuckled softly and patted Paige on the shoulder.

Paige pointed Emily to the couch and went to retrieve the room service menu from the nightstand.

"Thanks," Emily said, accepting the menu and taking a look. "So, how'd it go at Ravenswood?"

"Why, Coach Fields!" Paige put on a shocked expression. "Are you trying to weasel some scouting information out of me?" She couldn't keep a straight face. "I'm just kidding," she said, stating the obvious. She took a seat on the couch next to Emily. "I'm sure your scouting on Ravenswood is way better than ours!"

"Well," Emily said, lowering her voice, "don't let any of my swimmers know, but Fran and I are actually really good friends!"

"Oh, are you now?" Paige smirked. Her voice was full of innuendo. "So, did you two ever date?" The question caught Emily off-guard. It took a second for her to process it. "I'm sorry," Paige said, dipping her head. "That was inappropriate."

Emily waved her off. "It's fine," she assured her. "I just wasn't expecting the question. And, for the record, no, I never dated her."

Paige blew a puff of air through her nose, still looking down. "Well, I guess that's as good an introduction as any to the conversation about last night." She looked up at Emily with a forced smile. "Uh… unless you'd rather eat first?"

Emily tossed the menu onto the table. "No," she said firmly. "I don't think I could eat anyway, with my stomach tied in knots."

"Okay, well." Paige leaned forward, putting her hands together, fingertip to fingertip. "I have to say, I was a little surprised by last night. Turning to look at Emily, she added, "Not in a bad way. It's just… Well, I guess you know that I've had feelings for you. And I kind of thought that you did, too, the last time I was in Rosewood."

"Paige," Emily said, twisting her fingers together, unable to look Paige in the eye, "I've had feelings for you for a  _while._ "

Paige huffed out a quick breath. "You know, I came to Rosewood last year looking for a reason to stay, and not take that job in Iowa. But when I told you about the job that Hackett offered me, you were all gung-ho about me taking that job at Iowa State."

Emily didn't bother to argue that point, although, as she recalled things, she had tried to point out a reason for Paige to stay. "I knew that Iowa State was like a dream job for you. It wasn't just about Iowa. If you took that job at Rosewood, you'd be stuck here the rest of your life. Iowa State was like – the gateway to your future. How could I ask you to give that up? I'd feel guilty for the rest of my life." She added, at about one half the volume, "And you'd resent me for it."

Paige turned towards Emily and took her hand. She was surprised by how small it felt, and how warm. "You know, Emily, I learned something about dreams when I blew out my knee back at Stanford. I've learned that you miss out on a lot of living if you spend all your time dreaming about 'someday.' And, even if your dream comes true, you look back and have to ask yourself whether it was worth it. I'm sick of sacrificing 'today' for some dream that may or may not happen, and that probably won't be worth all the sacrifice. I'm sick of pretending that I don't have feelings but only some stupid, far-off dream." Paige collapsed against the back of the couch, letting go of Emily's hand. "And I'm sick of being alone."

Emily was a little overwhelmed. "I'm sick of being alone, too."

Paige smiled. She could feel the tension between them. "So," she said, to lighten the mood, "is that AD job still open?"

Emily rolled her eyes. "There never was an AD job," she said softly. Paige looked at her, confused. "Oh, come on, Paige! What high school has an athletic director?"

"So, Hackett was just yanking my chain?"

"He created that position, to try to get you on staff at Rosewood." Paige tilted her head, not getting it. You're still a big deal around here, Paige McCullers. Hackett figures if he can get you on staff, we could poach all the talent away from Ravenswood."

"Um… okay…" Paige was overwhelmed. "Wow! Do you think he would still…" Paige left the thought dangling.

"Oh, in a heartbeat!"

"I mean, I'm still on contract for the rest of the season, but…"

Emily turned to Paige, putting her hands on Paige's lap. Paige watched them fall there, biting her lip slightly as they made contact. "Paige, you need to be sure about this. Last night, we had some wine, and emotions were high, and we shared a kiss, but…"

"Yeah, why did you kiss me?"

Emily withdrew her hands, hiding them in her own lap, and shrugged her shoulders. "I wanted you to know how I felt about you. I didn't want to have you go back to Iowa and leave me wishing I'd said something." She tilted her head away from Paige. "Sorry," she said softly. "I know that was unfair."

"No, no," Paige said quickly. Bumping her shoulder, she added, "Hey, I guess it makes us even!"

Emily laughed lightly. "Yeah, do you want to explain that kiss in my car?"

Paige took a deep breath, trying to find the words. "I mean, there were so many reasons, Emily. A lot of it was me trying to distance myself from my Dad, to let you know that I didn't agree with the shit he said about you and the swim team. And part of it was… you just seemed so alone, and I wanted you to know that you weren't alone." Paige paused, running her fingers through her hair. "And, I guess I wasn't ready to admit it to myself, but part of the reason I kissed you was that… I had a kind of a crush on you." The last few words were barely audible.

Emily wrapped her arm around Paige's neck and pulled her in close. "God! Do you know how long I've waited to hear that? I mean, I tortured myself for years, trying to convince myself that it was just a kiss. You never gave me any reason to think otherwise."

Paige pulled away from Emily. "Yeah." She lowered her head and her voice. "I'm really sorry, Em. I wasn't ready to admit to myself that it was more than just a kiss."

"It's fine, Paige. I get that you weren't ready." Emily could see that Paige was still beating herself up about the kiss. She decided to change the mood. "Besides," she said cheerfully, "we're not even. You've still got some catching up to do!"

"What do you mean?"

"Remember? When we were babies? Did your parents ever tell you about that time they invited my parents and me over to your house?"

"Yeah." Paige's voice turned cold. "When we started swimming together, and they gave me the 'not our sort of people' lectures, they told me that your parents came over, and that's how my parents knew that they weren't 'our kind of people.'"

Emily rolled her eyes. She and her parents knew how Paige's parents felt. And she knew that Paige didn't agree. "But, did they tell you about the kisses?"

"The kisses?"

Emily laughed. "Apparently, we were playing in your bedroom, and you kept running out of the room, smiling, so they turned on the baby monitor and caught me kissing you the way my Mom used to kiss my Dad good-bye." Emily put her arm over Paige's head to demonstrate. Paige couldn't resist going in for the kiss.

"No wonder I was smiling!" she said with a laugh. "I knew a good thing, even back then!"

Emily playfully slapped Paige's shoulder. "They never told you?"

"No," Paige replied, "but I'm sure, in their minds, that's the reason that I 'turned lesbian!'"

"Oh, God!" Emily shook her head. "I can only imagine how that conversation went. When you came out." She pouted empathetically. "Did they freak out?"

Paige moved closer to Emily's side of the couch, sighing heavily. "You have to understand, by the time I came to terms with my sexuality, they were pretty checked-out of my life."

"Checked… out?" Paige nodded. "Meaning what?"

"Well, once it became obvious that I wasn't going to be the next Katie Ledecky, they basically gave up on getting any return on their investment with me." Paige imitated her father's voice: "That's a wrap! Time to move on to the next project!"

"Paige!" Emily whined, stroking Paige's cheek.

"It's like, I couldn't swim, couldn't find them a son-in-law, how much more of a failure could I be, you know? – What else could I do to disappoint them?"

Paige was putting on a brave face, but Emily could see through to the pain. She kissed Paige softly on the cheek. "That's so sad!"

Paige shrugged. "It is what it is!"

Emily took Paige's chin in her hand and kissed her on the cheek. "Mwah!" She patted Paige's thigh several times and reached for the room-service menu. "Now. What do they have here that's good?" she said, smiling broadly. She didn't want Paige to get depressed. And they would have much more time to talk about their childhood traumas. But they only had a couple of hours left before they said good-night. At least they could enjoy the evening.


	17. And Then, Silence

Emily was waiting in the lobby of The Radley on Saturday morning, talking with the clerk at the reception desk, when Paige came out of the elevator. Paige smiled, looking happy to see her. When the clerk looked up towards the elevator, Emily turned around, immediately forgetting that she had been in a conversation.

"Hi!" Her voice showed how excited she was to see Paige, after everything had changed between them the night before. She spread her arms out wide and Paige closed in on her, hugging her with one arm but still towing her roll-on bag with the other. As they parted, she shyly kissed Emily's cheek.

"Have a safe trip, Ms. McCullers! Ma'am!" Paige turned with a wave towards the reception desk as she and Emily headed through the sliding doors.

"So, how did you sleep?" Emily asked as she pulled out of the drop-off zone in front of the hotel.

Paige nodded once. "All right." Emily smiled over at her. "Yeah, not bad."

"Hmm."

Paige looked out of her window at the landscape that they were driving past.

"I imagine that place can get a little rowdy on a Friday night."

Paige scrunched her face, shaking her head. "No. Not really."

"No?"

Paige shrugged her shoulders. "I didn't notice."

Emily looked at Paige, who had gone back to looking out of the window.

"Hmm." She found herself tapping her thumb against the steering wheel. She recognized Paige's behavior, and it was unsettling.

Emily had dated her share of women. When she got tired of them, she started acting exactly the way Paige was acting: Not engaging with them when they were together, looking at anything but them, and giving one-word replies.

"Are you okay?" Emily tried her best not to sound frustrated or angry, but she could hear her voice cracking as she asked the question.

Paige looked at her, confused. "Yeah, sure. I'm fine."

Emily exhaled heavily through her nose. The desperation came through in her voice when she asked, "Are you having second thoughts?"

Paige's face got even more confused. "About... Of course not!" She rested her hand on Emily's thigh. Emily looked down at it, as if wondering why it was there. Maybe Paige was planning to wait until she got back to Iowa and break the news to Emily over the phone, or by text. She squared her shoulders, stifling a sigh, and concentrated on the road. Paige put her hand back into her own lap. A moment later, she asked, "Is this about… the silen- my silence?" Emily looked at her in disbelief. "I…" Paige let out a sigh. "Shit. I'm sorry. It's just the way I get in the car. I've actually heard that before, that it makes people think…" Paige paused, not completing that thought. "I think it's because, when I was a kid, I was always alone in the car. The Big People were talking to themselves in the front seat, and I just had to make the best of it, sort of create my own little world in the backseat." Paige shrugged her shoulders.

Emily thought back to the long bus rides with the swim team, back in high school. Paige never joined in with the team on the sing-alongs that they did to pass the time, and she never chatted or gossiped with the other girls. Back then, when Emily was infatuated with Paige from afar, she found a way to admire all of her little quirks. So, she concluded, if Paige didn't talk to anyone, it was because she was so focused on her sport. On the way to a meet, Emily assumed that she was thinking through each race and going over strategy in her head. On the way home, she thought that Paige must have been replaying everything in her head; seeing how she could improve.

But this wasn't one of those bus trips, and they weren't just teammates. Whatever they were, they had kissed and talked things through. They were in a relationship.

"Well I need more," Emily said flatly. The way it came out sounded a bit too demanding, so she shot Paige a smile. Paige nodded her head once.  _Duly noted._  And then, silence. Emily did her best not to react.

"We're supposed to get some crazy weather this week," Paige said after a while. Emily smiled softly at her. Paige furrowed her brow. "That's something people talk about, isn't it?"

Emily couldn't help laughing. She gave Paige's thigh a squeeze. Paige was making an effort, at least.

* * *

Emily parked in the short-term lot and headed into the terminal with Paige. There didn't seem to be many people flying, for a Saturday. The was almost no waiting in the security lines.

Emily took a look at the time on her phone. "We made good time," she remarked. "When do you board?"

"9:15."

Emily tilted her head towards a bank of seats near the window. "Do you want to sit down for a bit?" Paige, looking concerned, checked her phone. Emily quickly backtracked. "I mean, unless you were planning to work while you wait?"

"You wouldn't mind waiting with me?" Paige asked softly.

"Of course not!" She linked their arms. "Who knows when I'm going to see you again? Why wouldn't I want to spend a few more minutes with you?"

Once they sat down, Emily put her head on Paige's shoulder. It felt good to Paige. And Emily's hands surrounding her hand, their fingers extended but intertwined, felt good as well. Emily was rubbing her palm against the back of Paige's hand. It felt almost hypnotic. Paige wanted to stay there forever. She had the fleeting thought of trying to change her flight again.

"So," Emily started and paused, breaking Paige from her thoughts. She lifted her head from Paige's shoulder and turned, angling herself closer to facing Paige. "I have a question." Paige angled herself towards Emily and nodded, a little concerned at how formal Emily was being. "Did you talk to my Mom about my relationships?"

Paige opened her mouth, about to play dumb but stopped herself and simply nodded instead.

Emily tilted her head, worried about the answer to her next question. "What did she say?" she asked slowly.

"Well, she didn't… It wasn't… There wasn't…" Paige dropped her shoulders and sighed, realizing that she'd be better off starting at the beginning. "I was really worried. Well, not worried, but concerned about you. At Pomona. So, I reached out to Pam – she told me to call her Pam," Paige explained, as if that were the most important detail of the story.

"You… 'reached out' to her?"

"Yeah. I friended her on facebook, and I…"

Emily threw her hands up. "Hold on! Hold on! Hold on! You're on  _facebook_?" Paige nodded. "How old are you? 60?" Paige rolled her eyes and started to reply, but Emily cut her off. "Since when are you on facebook?"

Paige shrugged. "Since freshman year. So, anyway, I…"

"How am I just now finding out that you've been on facebook for 6 years?"

"Well, my account was private. The only person I friended was Pam. I only got on facebook because I didn't know how else to get in touch with her."

"So, you've been secretly stalking me for six years on facebook, through my Mom?"

"Okay, when you say it like that, it sounds creepy."

"That's because it  _is_  creepy!" Emily yelled, in all caps. Sensing she may have hurt Paige's feelings, leaned closer and kissed her softly, resting her hand on Paige's cheek.

"I wasn't trying to be creepy…"

"I know." Emily interrupted, wanting to be sure that Paige didn't think she was offended.

"I got in touch with Pam because I was worried about you. It wasn't as if I asked your mom what you were doing every moment of the day. I just checked in when things seemed rough for you, to make sure that you were okay."

"So, every time I had a break up, you and my Mom would chat on facebook?"

"Well… yeah. I mean, no… I mean not just that. She used to send me recipes, and links to articles about you, some inspirational poems every now and then." Emily rolled her eyes, shaking her head. That sounded just like Pam. She did the same to Emily. "And she was really excited when I came out…"

"Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. You came out to my Mom before you came out to me?"

"She told me that she heard about it from you."

Emily nodded, a little embarrassed to learn that Paige knew that she'd discussed her coming out with Pam.

Paige shrugged her shoulders.

"So, are you guys still chatting?"

"I mean, it's not as if we chat all the time. It's just every couple of years or so. Whenever something big happens. Like when you moved back to Rosewood, she told me that you were…" Paige's face went through wild contortions as she tried to put the brakes on a sentence that she never should have started. "… still single?" Her inflection went up, as if asking Emily whether her ad lib was believable.

Emily huffed. "What did she say, Paige?"

"She told me you were so lonely." Paige blurted the words out all at once, as if she were taking medicine in one gulp so that she wouldn't have to taste it. She squeezed Emily's arms to cushion the blow.

Emily's eyes narrowed. Even though things had worked out in the end, she didn't like her mother painting such a pathetic picture of her.

"I knew she was exaggerating, Em," Paige said softly. Emily's heart jumped when she heard Paige call her that. It seemed so much more intimate and sincere than using her whole name. "I know she was just saying that because she knew how I felt about you, and she wanted me to… I don't know, take a shot."

Emily managed a smile. Resting her head on Paige's shoulder again, she sighed, "Well, it all worked out for the best, I guess."

Paige nodded. "I just wish… I just wish I'd been brave enough to contact you back then, instead of going through your mom."

"But you did," Emily said, lifting her head and looking at Paige. "Remember? I could always count on hearing from you when I was at a low point. I used to wonder, 'How does she know?'" Emily slapped her hands on her thighs, in an "Aha!" moment. "Now I know how you knew!"

"Yeah, but. You know what I mean. I wasted so much time – time that we could've spent together."

Emily kissed Paige on the neck, sending a tingle down her spine. "Yeah, well. We're young." Turning to look at Paige, Emily explained, "That's what my Dad always tells me. 'You're young. You'll recover. The younger you are the faster you heal.'"

Paige nodded. She remembered what Coach Fulton used to yell from the benches during relay races, when one of the swimmers started to fall behind. "Remember Fulton?" she asked Emily. "'You've got plenty of time to make up that time!'"

Emily smiled at the memory. She checked her phone. "I wish we had more time right now, though."

"Yeah," Paige agreed sadly. "I should probably get going."

They stood, and Paige took both of Emily's hands as they kissed. They shared a final hug before Paige headed to the security line. On the other side of the screening area, she turned back around, comforted to see that Emily was still there, hands on her sides, watching her. Emily smiled and waved and Paige, with a sad smile, waved back.

Emily called Hanna as soon as she got out to her car.

"So, you're finally ready to talk about why you blew me off last night?" Hanna said in an accusing – albeit sleepy – voice. She had a feeling that it was good news, especially since Emily was calling so early on a Saturday. "Let me guess: It used to torture you in high school, and it rhymes with Rage McDullers?"

Emily laughed. She decided to overlook the torture comment, because she was excited to say what she wanted to say. "Okay." Her voice was upbeat. "I've got one for you: What has two thumbs, lives a thousand miles away, and has been facebook friends with my Mom for the last 6 years?"

"Wait, what the?"

Emily laughed again. She was in a great mood. "I'll tell you when I see you. It's kind of hard to talk about over the phone."

"Wait, where are you?"

"On my way back from the airport."

Hanna gasped. "She spent the night with you? Oh, no, Em! We're talking about this  _now_!"

" She. Didn't. Spend. The Night. With Me," Emily said emphatically. "I went over to her hotel room…"

"You spent the night at her hotel room?"

"No, I… Hanna, I can't do this over the phone!"

"Emily!" Hanna whined.

Emily huffed. "Fine. So, I made her dinner Thursday night, and we talked. Just about recruiting and stuff like that. And we were on the couch, and she seemed really nervous, and I grabbed her wrist by mistake, and she, like, freaked out. So, she pretended to go to the bathroom, and I thought – 'That's it! I blew it again!' But, when she got back, she asked me out for dessert."

Emily took a breath. Hanna was impatient. "So? What happened?"

"So, we went down to The Brew. And I had promised myself that, if she made any kind of gesture, I would go for it, so…"

"Did you?"

"I chickened out. Well, I almost chickened out. She hugged me good-bye in front of The Radley, and I just took her hand and told her that I was going to walk her to her door."

"No way!"

"Yeah! So, we're in the elevator, and she couldn't even look at me, but I could tell that she was trying not to smile…"

Hanna laughed. "'Ooh – I'm Paige McCullers! I'm totally cool, and I don't smile even when I'm holding hands with the girl I'm crushing on!'"

Emily laughed. "So, we got to her door, and I was looking at her, and she was looking at me, and neither one of us wanted to leave. So, she took my other hand and started to say something, but I thought she was going to kiss me, so I closed my eyes and… I… kind of…" As much as she loved the kiss, Emily was still embarrassed that she thought that Paige was going to kiss her first.

"You what?" Hanna knew the answer, but she needed to hear it.

"I kissed her."

" Oh. My. God. Like, on the cheek?"

"No, full-on kiss," Emily said softly; apologetically.

"So, what did she do?"

"So, nothing. I don' t know. We were just kissing, all of a sudden. And we…" Emily's voice got softer. "…kept on kissing. And…"

"Did you slip her the tongue?"

Emily rolled her eyes. "No, Hanna." She deliberately ignored the fact that she was about to do just that, but Paige demurred.

"So, then what happened?" Hanna had started to calm down, once the suspense was gone.

"She said, 'Hey, I know this is huge, but we should probably talk about it tomorrow.'"

"No way!"

"No, I get why she would say that, Hanna!" Emily chuckled to herself. "Okay, I don't really get why she said it, but, whatever. That's what she needed."

"So, you guys talked about it?"

"We talked about it," Emily confirmed. "She changed her flight home, and we had dinner in her room, and…"

"She got you back to her room?" Hanna said suggestively.

"I suggested it," Emily informed her, ignoring what Hanna was implying. "I thought it would be easier for us to talk if we didn't have to worry about people around us overhearing us." In reality, Emily wouldn't have cared who could hear them, but she thought it would have made Paige uncomfortable.

"And, did you talk?"

"Yeah. We talked about a lot of things. We talked about…" Emily almost mentioned the kiss in the car before she remembered that Hanna had never heard that story. Maybe she would tell Hanna about that, someday. They had enough other things to talk about in the meantime. "We talked about things from years ago. Like, back in high school. And, today, she told me... " - Emily took a dramatic pause - "...she's been facebook friends with my Mom since Stanford!"

"With your  _mom_?"

"Yeah, right? Remember that big fight I had with my Mom, when I found out that she'd been talking to Paige about me? Well, turns out Paige friended her. She actually joined facebook just to connect with my Mom so she could check up on me."

"Yeah. That's not too creepy." Softening her tone, Hanna added, "But it's kind of sweet?"

"It  _is_  sweet. And it's nice to know that she was looking out for me, before she even knew that she liked women."

"Aww… You were always special to her, Em."

Emily smiled, biting her lip. It felt good to know that Paige cared about her even back then. "Anyway, so, that's why I blew you off last night," she concluded, bringing an anticlimactic end to an eventful story.

 


	18. The Wrong Distance

It was a difficult way to start a relationship – one kiss, one heart-to-heart discussion, one fond farewell - and then 900 miles of distance between them.

It helped, of course, that they were no strangers to each other; that they'd known each other all of their lives – and had had feelings for each other for almost half of that span. But it was still a lot to overcome.

It was Paige's busy season. She was on the road a lot, in hotel rooms a lot, schmoozing with a lot of coaches and young swimmers. As eager as she was about what she and Emily were starting, she had a lot of distractions occupying her time. On top of that, all of the forced socialization was wearying, and it sapped her energy. At the end of the day, she just wanted to get away from everybody, take a hot shower, and crawl into bed.

Which would have been fine, had she been single.

To Emily, Paige's behavior came off as distant and disinterested. Paige's repetitions of "I'm just tired," whenever they talked seemed less and less plausible – especially to Emily, who still suffered from the fear that everyone she gets close to ends up leaving. In her darkest moments, Emily even questioned whether Paige ever had feelings for her at all – or whether she was just going along with it, after the embarrassment of the kiss. She was pretty sure that wasn't what was going on, though. A more likely explanation was that Paige had gotten a better offer somewhere else. In fact, Emily reasoned, Paige might have a woman in every state. Emily was just a one-night stand on Paige's tour of the country.

There were no two ways about it: Emily was depressed. She could feel Paige slipping through her fingers; their relationship dying of neglect before it had even gotten the chance to form fully.

"I don't get why you're doing this to yourself," Hanna complained. "I thought you guys talked it out. You just have to wait till the end of her contract, and she's coming back here."

"Yeah, well, that was the plan," Emily moped.

"So? What makes you think it's not anymore?"

"I never hear from her!" Emily shrieked, misdirecting her anger and frustration at Hanna. "If we're supposed to be in a relationship, shouldn't she want to spend time with me? Talk to me?" Emily took a sip of her espresso. "Distant and aloof might be mysterious and intriguing when you have a crush on someone," she said flatly, "but it really sucks when you're supposed to be in a relationship with her."

"I thought this was her busy season? Isn't she on the road all the time?"

"Yeah. Seeing all those other hot coaches."

Hanna sneered. "Hot coaches? Like Coach Fulton?"

Emily scowled at her. "It's not funny. She's got a girl in every town, and, meanwhile, she's forgotten all about me."

"Em, you  _know_  that's not true!"

"How?" Hanna opened her mouth, but Emily cut her off. "How do I know that's not true, Hanna? Let's face it, she's meeting women in the airport, in the hotel bars, on coaching staffs. Why would she even think about some small-town girl back home who never even made it out of her hometown?"

Hanna clicked her tongue. "Oh, cut the crap, Emily! You're the lesbian whisperer! Gay girls fall over themselves just to get a shot at you!"

Emily snorted bitterly. "Yeah. And then they leave. I'm not the lesbian whisperer - I'm just the last rest stop on the expressway out of town."

"Unnngh!" Hanna grabbed fistfuls of her hair. "Because you're in love with Paige! They all left because they couldn't measure up to Paige! And, now, you're  _with_ Paige!" Hanna was enunciating slowly and carefully, as if she were reasoning with a little child.

Emily shrugged meekly. "That's just it, isn't it? Paige may be the love of my life, but I'm just some other girl to her."

Hanna reached across the table and squeezed Emily's wrist. Talking her out of her bad mood wasn't working. Hanna realized that she would have to give her some positive steps to take.

"Then you have to take the lead, Em. You have to go after her. Make sure she knows what she would be leaving behind." Hanna sat up straight, pulling her leg up onto the seat. "Here's what we're going to do. You're going to set up a facetime date with her. Then, you and I are going to go Victoria's Secret, we're going to pick up something sexy and flirty…"

"Whoa! Whoa! Hold up, Hanna!" Emily held her hands up, giving Hanna the stop sign. "It's  _way_ too soon for that!"

"What?" Hanna was confused. "You guys have made out!"

"We  _kissed_ , Hanna!"

"And then you got to third base?" Emily scowled. "Second base?" Emily, still scowling, rolled her eyes. "Well, has she at least…"

"Hanna, I am  _not_  going to facetime Paige in my underwear!"

"Fine! Facetime with her in the buff! I mean, I was going for a  _little_  mystery, but if you're really that desperate..."

"It's not funny, Hanna."

"Okay, okay, fine, whatever! Just put on something flirty. And sit back from your phone, so you can show some leg. Oh, and make sure it's cold in your apartment. You know." Hanna pointed her two index fingers at Emily's two breasts. "Make sure the points are on point!"

* * *

Emily gave a lot of thought to Hanna's advice. It was way over the top, but it wasn't totally without merit. Emily had never really pursued anyone before. She had always been the hunted, not the hunter. After all, the only girl she would have been interested in pursuing, back in high school, had made it clear that she was out of reach. But the game changed after Paige's last visit to Rosewood. Emily knew that Paige was in play, and that she would have to make a play. Actually,  _fight_  was more the word. Paige was worth fighting for. Emily wanted to be sure that Paige knew what was waiting for her, back in Rosewood.

She built up to it slowly. She started by adding a bit of flirtatiousness to their texts and moved on to sending selfies from around town, sending them with captions about how much fun they would have together, once Paige got back to Rosewood. Once, when she knew that Paige was interviewing students and had her phone turned off, she called and left a message, telling, in a soft, sexy voice, how much she missed her and wished that she could taste her lips again and feel her arms around her. Paige was almost hyperventilating when she called Emily back. Emily never realized how many times Paige listened to that message – especially when she alone in her hotel room, tired and frustrated after a long day in a strange city.

Finally, Emily decided that the time was right. She set up a time to get on facetime with Paige. She kept it low-key when she set it up, wanting Paige to be totally surprised. She wasn't going to go full-on Hanna Marin on her. She just chose a tight pair of faded jeans and a slightly see-through white blouse that she tied off at the waist and didn't bother to button, exposing a bit of her collarbone and a bit of the lace on a bra that matched her caramel skin. She let her hair fall loosely across her shoulders, in a look somewhere between "I woke up looking like this" and "Come back to bed, Paige."

But, despite Hanna's advice, Emily made a point of keeping her apartment comfortably warm. She wanted to send a bold message, but she wanted to respect their boundaries.

She took a deep, calming breath. "Here we go."

Emily propped her phone up on top of a stack of books on her coffee table and ran to the couch to get into position. She pulled her legs up onto the cushions, put one arm off to the side, and put the other arm in her lap. She nervously bit her lip as she waited for Paige to swipe up on the other side.

"Hi, Emily!"

Emily yelped, running over to the table to get her phone and end the call. In her haste, she ended up knocking the phone across the room. She didn't go after it. She was almost in tears.

There were  _two_  faces on Paige's end of the video feed.

"Emily? Emily?" Paige looked helplessly at Miranda after the video from Emily went dark. Miranda laughed weakly, not in a funny way but with foreboding. Paige, confused, stood up and took a few steps away as she punched up Emily's number and pressed her phone to her ear. She waved her hand impatiently as she waited for Emily to pick up.

"Hi, this is Emily. I'm probably in the pool right now, so…"

Paige dropped the phone to her side. "Damn it!" she exclaimed, closing her eyes. Picking up the phone again, she said, "Em? The facetime went dead. Can you try again? Okay, I'll be waiting. Bye!"

She turned towards Miranda, looking confused. "That was weird!"

Miranda, with a knowing smile, reached for her jacket. "I should probably get out of here." She cocked her head and looked Paige dead in the eye. "You need to fix this."

Paige furrowed her brow but didn't try to figure out what Miranda was talking about. Instead, she tried Emily again, frustrated when the call went straight to voice-mail. "Fix what?" she called out, once Miranda's words had registered.

Miranda appeared in the hallway, half of her body still in Paige's bedroom. She had been sleeping on the couch during her visit with Paige, but she went to Paige's bedroom to give Paige and Emily some privacy.

"You didn't tell me it was a facetime date!"

"Wasn't a…" Paige started to yell, stopping all of a sudden when she registered the way that Emily had been dressed. "Shit!"

Paige fired off a quick text to Emily.

_Em, I'm so sorry. Would you plz call me back?_

She waited about three seconds – which felt like three years – for Emily to call back before her instincts took over. As she grabbed her car keys and a jacket, she called out to Miranda. "There's food in the fridge. Help yourself." A second or so later, she added, "Or just order something."

"Paige?" Miranda heard the door slam and went out to investigate. "Paige?" She let out a sigh and tidied up the couch where she and Paige had been sitting as they waited for Emily's facetime. "Don't blow it, Kid."

* * *

Emily's head was pounding. It had been a rough night. She kept torturing herself, remembering how stupid she had been. It felt just like that time in the locker room with Alison, the last time that Emily had decided to be bold and make a sexy move. And her boldness had been rewarded with complete and utter humiliation. Again.

She had no idea when she had finally drifted off to sleep. She had no idea what time it was when she woke up with that pounding headache. She looked at the clock. 5:19. Way too early.

The pounding continued. Emily eventually realized that it wasn't her head, but, rather, her front door. She reached for her glasses and shuffled into the slippers on the side of her bed. McCullers lifted her head and looked up at her, shuffling around her feet as she approached. Emily picked her up and held her across her chest. "Come on, Girl. I might need you to protect me."

The pounding started up again. "What?" Emily was too hungover to be afraid of the early morning intruder. She just needed to make the pounding to stop.

"Emily?"

Emily sighed at the sound of Paige's voice. She really didn't want to start crying again. "What do you want?" Her voice wasn't angry or sad. It was resigned.

"Em, can you please open the door?"

Emily opened the door, her face making it clear that she wasn't happy about doing so. "Why are you here, Paige?" she asked flatly.

"Em, are you okay?" Paige reached for Emily's shoulder, but Emily angled away. McCullers went to sniff Paige's hand, but Emily cradled her head, preventing her from moving any closer. "I've been worried sick about you, Emily! I've been trying to call you all night!"

Emily suddenly did the math in her brain. It was 5:00 in the morning. Paige must have been on the road for 15 hours. She relented, rolling her eyes as she backed away, opening the door wider as she did, non-verbally inviting Paige inside. Leaning down, she set McCullers on the carpet.

McCullers jumped up onto Paige's legs, way more excited about seeing her than Emily was. She followed Paige over to the couch, where Paige hesitated a moment before sitting down. McCullers paced back and forth at Paige's feet, her tail wagging wildly.

Emily set her glasses on the counter and loped into the room. Paige stood up, anxiously. "Look, Emily, I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting…"

Emily put her hand up, cutting Paige off. "Don't worry," she said quickly, not wanting Paige to remind her of how badly she'd embarrassed herself. "It'll never happen again."

Paige grabbed Emily's hand. "I wasn't expecting Miranda to visit me this weekend," she said, finishing what she had planned to say, consciously keeping her tone calm. "And I thought that it would be fun for her to meet you, since I talk about you all the time. I should've known how stupid that was. I swear I didn't mean to…"

"Nope, it's not your fault," Emily said bitterly. "My fault. I should've known that it wasn't a date."

Paige's shoulders dropped. "Em, I'm  _sorry,_  okay? I… I'm stupid, I know that. I should've known…"

"How come it's always Miranda?" Emily screamed. McCullers yelped helplessly. She wasn't used to seeing her human like that.

"I wasn't expecting her," Paige said deliberately, punching out each word with a pause in between them.

Emily knew when she was being talked down to, and she didn't like it. "She's all over your Instagram," she barked, "and she's all you ever talk about!"

Paige's head cocked to the side. She hardly ever posted to Instagram, and she was pretty sure she hadn't posted anything about Miranda since that very brief period of time when they were together, during her junior year at Stanford.

Paige realized that this wasn't coming from a rational place. There was no sense trying to refute it with facts. Still, her instincts honed from years of competitive swimming kicked in. She couldn't help it.

"Well, what about you and Hanna? Am I supposed to be pissed off that you spend all that time with Hanna?"

"I never dated Hanna!" Emily screamed. "I never slept with Hanna!"

"I never slept with Miranda," Paige protested, her voice booming.

Paige knew that she shouldn't blow up at Emily. It wasn't solving anything. If she had been in her best mind, she probably would have had a little more patience. But after 13 hours on the road with only one quick pit-stop, she was far from at her best. It didn't help that drove all that way because she was worried about Emily's safety, only to get Emily's anger and accusations once she arrived.

"I'm scared, okay?" Emily's body lurched over at the waist as she screeched out those words. McCullers' whines turned into panicked barks, and she jumped up on her forepaws, trying to interpose herself between the two of them.

Paige's senses were overloaded. She went into autopilot, putting her arms around Emily and holding her tight, pressing Emily's head to her chest. Emily sobbed freely. McCullers got up one her back legs, patting her paws against Emily's calves as Emily's breath slowly evened out. She looked up at Emily and, concluding that the worst of it was over, curled up in a ball at the side of the couch. "What if you leave me?" Emily's voice was soft and plaintive.

Paige kept a tight grip on Emily as she spoke, her voice soothing. "Do you know why I got into swimming?" Emily shook her head against Paige's chest. Paige took a deep breath. "I must've been about three. We drove past the community center, and I saw you and Hanna sitting on the bench after swimming lessons. I wanted to be there next to you. I wanted to be Hanna. I told my Dad that I wanted to learn how to swim, so, of course, Nick McCullers, digs a pool in our back yard and hires a coach." Paige shook her head, remembering. "I had to wait ten years, before we got to swim together in middle school. And it took another ten for me to be able to admit to myself that swimming wasn't my dream; that  _you_  were. And it took another two years for me to get to this place. Here, with you. Holding you." Paige extended her arms, backing away so that she could look into Emily's eyes. "Emily," she said confidently, "I'm not going anywhere."

Emily moaned softly and reset herself in Paige's arms, letting Paige rub her back as she nestled her head against Paige's chest. She looked up and found Paige's lips, taking comfort in the kiss. "I'm sorry," she whispered, and Paige shook her head. They were kissing again when Paige backed up and took a seat on the couch, Emily landing in her lap. Emily's fingers began playing with a button on Paige's jacket. "You must be exhausted," she said guiltily. Paige nodded. Emily's face crinkled up sympathetically. "And hungry?"

Paige shifted her weight a bit on the couch. "Actually, I really have to go to the bathroom!"

Emily jumped off the couch and backed away. McCullers jumped up, too, to see what was going on. "Go, go, go!" Emily said urgently, and she pointed towards the bathroom. As Paige trotted off, Emily picked up McCullers, walking her around in circles, kissing her on the head. She was smiling. When she heard the flush, she sat down quickly, shooing McCullers away, as if she had a reason to feel embarrassed for cuddling her dog. She tried to find something to do. She couldn't even pretend that she was on her phone, which was still off in the corner where she had tossed it the night before, when she was hurt and embarrassed.

Seconds, and then minutes went by, but Paige didn't come back down the hallway. Emily started getting nervous. She worried where the two of them would go next, after all the drama. She could envision the Paige she knew from high school standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, rehearsing her, "This just isn't working out" speech."

As the clock kept ticking, Emily got more and more worried. "Paige?" She got up slowly and walked towards the back, where she found Paige, collapsed on her bed. She pouted sympathetically. She couldn't blame Paige. She was sure that Paige had planned to lie down for just a second, after her long drive. And she couldn't blame herself for crawling into bed and lying next to Paige, her head on Paige's shoulder and her hand on Paige's navel. McCullers jumped in, too, finding a place to curl up at the foot of the bed. She wasn't allowed, but Emily was too tired to force the issue – and too content.

Paige was snoring softly, and the sound immediately transported Emily back to those long bus rides back home after an away tournament. Paige never fell asleep on the way to a tournament, but on the way home, after all the adrenaline and the physical exertion, if the ride was long enough, she often drifted off to sleep. She always denied that she snored. Emily couldn't convince her otherwise. And no one else could corroborate her story. Paige and Emily always sat in front, as co-captains, so Emily was the only one close enough to hear the snoring. The rumble of the engines made it impossible for the rest of the team to hear.

Emily wanted to find Paige's phone and start recording the indisputable proof, except she really didn't want to move. There was something comforting about lying there, next to Paige, the woman who had driven all night because she was worried about her, and who had just admitted that she had pursued her for much longer than that. The soft, rumbling snoring was a reminder of the past – and, Emily couldn't help thinking, a foreshadowing of the future. She was getting ahead of herself. She knew that she shouldn't let her mind go there. Actually, she didn't feel like thinking at all. She cuddled in a little closer, and, when Paige stirred slightly, began rubbing her stomach slowly, letting her know that everything was fine. Before long, they were both snoring softly.


	19. No, I'm Sorry

Paige was startled when she woke up in the early afternoon. It took her a moment to remember where she was and how she got there. She took comfort in feeling the weight of Emily's hand against her stomach. She was relieved that Emily was still sleeping.

She honestly didn't know which Emily she would get, once Emily woke up. There was the Emily she knew in high school – the sweet Emily, the one who never let things get to her and who always chose to see the best in people. On the other hand, there was the Emily from a few hours earlier – yelling, out of control, jealous and suspicious. Emily looked content in her sleep. It was hard to believe that such a spitfire lay just beneath the surface.

Maybe it was a mistake, Paige thought. Perhaps she shouldn't have come. Perhaps she shouldn't have tried to get together with Emily in the first place. When it came down to it, she never really knew Emily at all. It's easy to put someone up on a pedestal when you only know them from afar. You don't know what she's really like, so you imagine her to be exactly what you'd want her to be.

Paige took a deep breath. Relationships aren't easy. But, then, nothing worthwhile really is. She had faced a lot of adversity when she was pursuing her dream of being a professional swimmer. Surely, she decided, a relationship was worth just as much hard work.

Paige took a close look at Emily. Yes, she had her flaws, but Paige did, too. She rolled her eyes at the thought, thinking that Emily had a lot more crap to deal with than she, herself did. She took hold of a few strands of Emily's hair and toyed with them for a bit. There was a slight smile on Emily's face, and it erased Paige's doubts.

Emily was worth it.

She wanted to touch those lips; run the tip of her finger across them, or, maybe… She turned, improving her angle towards Emily and closed her eyes, leaning in. But, before she got there, she heard Emily stir, and she withdrew quickly.

"I wasn't doing anything inappropriate, I swear," she said meekly.

Emily smirked. She knew exactly what Paige was doing. She grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her close, kissing her aggressively, eventually rolling onto her back and pulling Paige on top of her. They kissed until they were breathless. Paige, not knowing what to do, let her head tumble against Emily, neck-to-neck for a moment, before she rolled off of her and onto her back.

Emily rolled over on her side and began slowly running her fingers up and down the front of Paige's shirt. "I'm really sorry," she said softly, her face all scrunched together apologetically. Paige didn't say anything. There was too much going through her mind for her to come up with a response. Emily's fingers stopped their trip up and down Paige's torso, and she pulled her hand away, leaving it suspended in midair, forming a circle with her index finger and thumb. "Are you mad at me?"

"No, no, no," Paige said softly but firmly. She took hold of Emily's hand. "No, it's just… I mean… I'm sorry, too." Emily was about to say something about the fact that Paige didn't need to apologize, but Paige kept going. "I'm new to the relationship…  _thing_ ," she said, rolling her eyes at not being able to come up with a better choice of words. "I didn't really think about how that looked, and I…" Paige shrugged. "Well, I don't know what I was thinking."

"I wasn't jealous," Emily said softly. "I didn't think that you were cheating on me. I was just embarrassed because – I was trying to look  _flirty_  and…  _sexy_ " – Emily's head and eyebrows rose as she pronounced those adjectives, and her voice spiked with each of them. She looked over and saw that Paige was trying to hold back a smile, and she collapsed onto her back, hiding her face in her hands.

"Oh, no, no, no, Emily!" Paige tried to move Emily's hands away.

"Oh, God! I'm so  _stupid_!"

"No, it wasn't stupid," Paige tried to assure her. "I wasn't laughing. I was smiling because of how…  _not stupid_  it was." Paige knew that she wasn't making a very convincing argument. She knew that she would have to tell the whole truth. Her foot started shifting from side to side like a windshield wiper. "Okay," she said flatly. "You want to know the truth?" She paused, not waiting for an answer, but trying to think of the least creepy way of saying what she was about to say. "I was… Well, it was a long drive last night. A  _really_  long drive. And part of what got me through it was thinking about the way you looked when you called me." Emily tilted her head to the side, not knowing whether she should believe what Paige was saying, and not moving her hands away from her face. "I kind of tricked myself into believing, 'Well, maybe she'll still be wearing that same outfit when I get there," she concluded.

Emily laughed slightly, without parting her lips. But she parted her hands, dropping them down to her chest.

"You looked really hot," Paige said under her breath, her voice a snarl.

"Really?" Emily asked coyly as she stood up on the bed. "Hotter than I do now, in my gray athletic sweats?" She struck a pose, bending her knee to accentuate her ass and pulling her hair up above her head. She meant it as a joke, but it still got Paige going. She knocked Emily's legs out from under her and, the next thing Emily knew, she was on her back, knees up, while Paige straddled her, holding her arms down on the bed. Emily's eyes widened in delight and she smiled, shivering in anticipation. This was the Paige she knew from swimming; the dominant, take-no-prisoners Paige. This was what she always used to dream about: Paige doing to her in bed what she did to the competition in the pool.

Paige could feel her pulse pounding – in her chest, in her brain, and in between her legs. She was in over her head. And she had gotten ahead of herself. "I'm sorry," she said weakly, and she let go of Emily's wrists.

Emily was disappointed, but she understood. As much as she wanted that scenario to play out, she knew that they weren't ready, and that, if they had let nature take its course, they both would have regretted it later. "Don't apologize." She tried her best to keep her tone upbeat, taking Paige's hand in both of hers.

"I should've respected your boundaries."

"Paige," Emily said resolutely, "if you ever cross a boundary, I'll let you know, okay? Or if you even get too close to a boundary." She squeezed Paige's hand firmly, enough to make a point. "I'm not a weak woman." She raised an eyebrow, waiting for confirmation from Paige.

"I know you're not," Paige murmured.

She took Paige's hand and held it against her cheek. Paige reflexively stroked Emily's cheek with her thumb. "But that doesn't mean I don't want to be…  _taken_  from time to time." Emily looked off to the side, slightly embarrassed by what she had admitted.

Paige nodded. "I get it."

Emily pulled Paige's hand down to her chest. "You must be starving," she said, looking down at Paige's hand as she slowly played with its fingers.

"Yeah, actually, I…" Paige awkwardly reached her free hand across her body, trying to pull her phone out of her pocket.

"Do you need to get going?" Emily asked, guiltily biting her lip.

"Yeah, I…" Emily released Paige's hand. "Not right away, I mean. I was just… I left Miranda at my place, and I probably need to…" Emily rolled onto her back, not hiding her disappointment that their time together was being cut short because of Miranda. "Well, I was supposed to take her to the airport." Flipping through her phone, she added, "But… I guess she's already on her flight."

"Sorry," Emily said, with puppy-dog eyes. She really wasn't.

"She said she got the campus shuttle," Paige told her. "And," she added, less self-assured, "she said she hopes I fixed things."

Emily laughed sarcastically. "Yeah," she said, rolling on top of Paige and giving her a kiss. "You managed to work your way out of it, I guess."

Emily lay on top of Paige, with her hands, in fists, stacked on top of Paige's chest and her chin on top. She was giving Paige a strange look, biting her lip as she smiled. It made Paige self-conscious. "What?" she asked finally.

"Nothing, nothing," Emily said quickly, but her smile was giving her away. She got up onto her knees, straddling Paige on the bed, her hands on Paige's shoulders. Paige put her hands on Emily's thighs. "You tossed me onto the bed like a sack of potatoes," Emily whispered wistfully. Paige locked eyes with her. Emily slid her hands down Paige's arms, interlocking her fingers with Paige's and pinning her hands against the bed as she leaned over to kiss her.

Maybe it was the fact that it had been a while since Emily had a girlfriend, or maybe Paige was just that good a kisser, but, whatever it was, before Emily realized it, she had released Paige's hands and was running her own hands up and down Paige's sides. She felt Paige's stomach-muscles clench. The room was suddenly very warm, and Emily reached down to pull off her sweatshirt before her conscious mind finally caught up with her eager body. With a gasp, she leapt to her feet. "Pasta!" she yelled quickly. "I'll go whip us up a batch of pasta!"


	20. Zippers

"Call Miranda," Paige said, in the unnaturally and unnecessarily loud voice that she always used when she was interacting with technology. With her right hand on the steering wheel and her left elbow planted next to the window, she ran her fingers through her hair as she waited. Her car's sound system muted the radio, and then came a series of ten staccato tones followed by a dull, pulsating ringing.

"P-Mac!" Miranda boomed out, using her usual enthusiastic greeting.

"Hey. Where are you?"

"Home," Miranda chimed, adding quickly, "Don't worry, I locked your place up nice and tight."

Paige chuckled out of politeness, doing it just loudly enough for her phone to pick it up. "Sorry about that."

"No, don't worry about  _me_. How are  _you_?"

"I'm… good." Paige wasn't giving away much.

"Should you be talking to me? Shouldn't you be talking to your girl?"

"It's…"

Miranda heard the sound of an air horn rising and fading away, along with a few salty words out of Paige's mouth.

"Uh... should you be talking to  _anyone_  right now?"

"No, it's fine. Some asshole in a semi just cut me off!"

"Okay," Miranda said cautiously. "Stay safe! It can wait."

Paige humphed, agitated and wanting to move on from the traffic incident. "Anyway," she said impatiently, "I just wanted to make sure that you were okay and to apologize for leaving like that." She let her left hand drop into her lap and idly thumped her fist up and down on her thigh one time.

"Paige, it's fine," Miranda said bluntly. "Seriously – shouldn't you be worried about Emily instead of worrying about me?"

"She's my next call," Paige said with a huff. "I just left there. She's fine."

"Ooh!" Miranda's eyes widened at this news. "Did you get some?"

Paige rolled her eyes. "No," she said, intentionally sounding annoyed, "I didn't 'get some.' I didn't try for any." Paige was shaking her head to punctuate the words, her voice artificially deep, overloaded with sarcasm.

"I'm teasing you, I'm teasing you," Miranda said, trying to defuse the situation. "So, she didn't kick you out when you turned up? That's got to be good news."

"Yeah." Paige bit at the nail on her index finger and then wiped her finger on her jeans. "We had a good talk. We worked stuff out. I just need to do a better job about being more sensitive."

"She told you that?"

"No, Mir. I actually figured that out on my own."

"Oh." Miranda was relieved. "Well, good. Because there are  _two_  people in a relationship, and if she's telling you that  _you're_  the one who has to change…" Miranda was pointing her index finger at Paige - or, where Paige would've been standing, had they been having the conversation face to face.

"She didn't tell me, Mir, okay? She didn't have to. You were there when I got her facetime – you saw what happened."

"Yeah, but it's a  _relationship_ , Paige. It's two people coming together. It's not about who's right and who needs to change. You both have to figure out how to make things work together. So, if she's saying…"

"She's not saying!" Paige was getting defensive of Emily, annoyed that Miranda assumed that she had laid the blame at Paige's feet.

"Or, if  _you're_  saying it… I mean, I get that you're not the best when it comes to picking up on other people's needs…"

Paige scoffed. "Thanks a lot!"

"Dude, am I lying?" Paige didn't contradict her, so she pressed on. "So, okay, maybe you need to work on that, but that doesn't mean that she's right and you're the one who's got to change. She needs to be more up-front about her feelings, if you guys are going to be together."

Paige tilted her head as she processed what Miranda was saying. She had a point: It would have helped if Emily had let her know how she was feeling, instead of assuming that she knew, and lashing out because she didn't. Before she could get too far down that path, though, Miranda started up again.

"And that doesn't mean that she's wrong and you're right. She took a breath. "It's like…" She sat up straight, thrusting her index finger in the air when an example came to her. "It's like a zipper. Both sides have to be in sync or it's not going to work." Miranda was interleaving her fingers at the knuckles, zipper-like, as she spoke. "And, if they're not aligned," - she separated her fingers - "it's not 'Well, is the left side wrong or is the right side wrong?' – No. The zipper's broken. Both sides need to be aligned."

Paige nodded silently and then realized that Miranda wasn't able to pick up on that non-verbal acknowledgment. "Yeah," she said out loud, "that makes sense."

Miranda paused for emphasis. "So, are you two… zipped up again?" She said the last three words in a playful, mousy voice.

Paige smiled, snorting slightly in response to Miranda's tone. "Yeah, we're zipped."

"And, maybe…" Miranda's tone was playful and full of innuendo, "next time… you'll get to zip your bodies, too?"

"Okay, Mir! I've got to go!" Paige chuckled as she said good-bye and ended the call. She didn't even want to think about what that last question meant, or how it would work.

Despite the way Miranda was fooling around at the end, she had made her point. Paige hadn't called hoping to get some relationship advice; - she really did just want to make sure that Miranda had made it home safely and to apologize for having run out - but she was glad that for the talk and for Miranda's advice. "I may not have a lot of friends," she said, thinking out loud, "but I've got some really great ones."

Paige tapped her thumb against her thigh a time or two, thinking over her last moments with Emily before she left for the long ride home. It was hard for her to figure out the meaning behind what Emily said sometimes, but Paige never had any questions about Emily's kisses. There was a purity in Emily's kisses; a certain innocence, even when their kisses were wanton, hungry, and desperate, as they had been when they said their good-byes. Paige smiled, running her fingertips over her lips, remembering. Words can be deceiving, she thought, but not kisses.  _Lips don't lie._  That's not how the song went, she knew, but those lyrics seemed appropriate. Paige took a deep breath, putting both hands on the wheel to steady herself as she commanded, "Call Emily."

"Hey, where are you?" Emily's voice sounded bright but a little sleepy.

Paige looked down at her odometer. "I'm about an hour out of town."

"What's the traffic like?"

"Not too bad. A bunch of trucks, mostly." Paige thought it best not to bring up the semi that had cut her off – at least not until she was home, and Emily knew that she was safe.

Emily sighed. "I should have gone with you."

Paige's first inclination was to point out that it would hardly have made sense for Emily to make a 13-hour drive just to turn back around and drive home for work on Monday. Emily already knew that. Paige responded to the feeling behind the comment. "That would've been nice, wouldn't it?" Emily hummed her agreement. "I'd definitely like to show you around Des Moines, sometime." She really did want to show Emily around, but, even more than that, she wanted Emily to know that she was welcome; that Miranda wasn't the only one who could just drop in for a surprise visit.

"I'd love to see it," Emily said sincerely. Taking a sigh, she added, "Still, it was nice to have you here."

"Yeah."

"I feel bad that you had to drive all the way out here."

"Well, someday," Paige said wistfully, not filling in the blank.

"Someday what?"

Paige took a moment to compose her thoughts. "Someday, there won't be a thirteen-hour drive between us."

"Mmm. I can't wait," Emily purred.

"I can't, either." Paige shifted in her seat. She'd barely been on the road for an hour, but her body was starting to feel it. Maybe it was the cumulative effect of all that travel. Or maybe it was just easier to ignore how her body was feeling on the trip to Rosewood, when she was so concerned about Emily.

"Well, listen," she said pleasantly, "I just wanted to check in and let you know that I made it out of town."

"Are you okay?" Paige could hear the concern.

"Yeah, I'm good." She was doing her best to sound reassuring. "I'm probably going to stop in a little bit, to stretch my legs."

"Okay," Emily said in what could best be described as a maternal tone. "Take it slowly, okay? Don't push it!"

"I won't." Paige chuckled. "I promise."

As they ended the call, their thoughts were remarkably similar. Something along the lines of, "It's not going to be easy, but we can do this. And, it'll be worth it."


	21. Facetime

Paige learned, from that weekend, to be more sensitive to Emily's needs. Paige herself may have grown up a loner and an outsider, but she realized that Emily needed more. And, in fact, she learned that it wasn't a chore to be more attentive to Emily; rather, it was something that she enjoyed. Never in her life would she have imagined that she would look forward to a nightly phone call with anyone, but there was no denying that her mood elevated as the time got nearer for her to hear Emily's voice, and she usually hung up the phone smiling and sighing to herself like a love-struck fool. Emily was responsible for that.

Emily, too, had developed a sensitivity for Paige's needs. When Paige had an exciting day, Emily was content to be an active listener, and let Paige go on and on, getting it out of her system. But on those nights when Paige was too exhausted to talk, Emily learned how to carry the conversation; to talk about everything or nothing, with some corny jokes thrown in here and there, to help Paige relax and decompress. And then there were the nights where Paige was exhausted, physically and emotionally, and just needed to crawl into bed. On those nights, their conversation was nothing more than a quick check-in: Hey, how are you? You sound exhausted. Well, I'll let you go. Get some rest. I love you.

_I love you._

That had become a part of their conversation somewhere along the way. Paige said it first. She had been thinking about Emily all day, about how her life had changed since the two of them got together, and about how much she was looking forward to sharing a few moments on the phone with her that night. She hadn't planned to tell Emily that she loved her; in fact, the thought that she loved Emily hadn't entered her mind until they were about to hang up, and, before she had a chance to think about whether or not she should say it, the words came tumbling out.

"I love you." Her voice was soft and sincere, and Emily could almost see the earnest expression on Paige's face; the way the skin on her forehead just above her nose crinkled together when she was saying something sincerely, from the heart.

Emily almost dropped the phone, letting out a silent squeal of delight at the surprise admission that she had just heard. To Emily, it felt like an instant later when she responded, but, for Paige, it was an eternity. When the phone went silent, she second-guessed the wisdom of admitting her feelings to Emily; admitting something that she'd never said to anyone before in that way. The fact that Emily wasn't saying anything, not even acknowledging it or making a joke about it, struck Paige as bad news.

Just as Paige was about to apologize and back away from what she'd said, Emily found her voice. It came out as a breath – a whisper – and the smile behind it was unmistakable. "I love you, too, Paige!" Immediately, Paige understood why it had taken Emily so long to respond, as she, too, was overwhelmed at hearing those words.

"Okay," Paige said, chuckling nervously.

"Okay," Emily echoed, chuckling too.

"Well, I should probably…"

"Yeah." Emily couldn't help chuckling again. It was the most awkward conversation they'd had since high school, but in a good way.

* * *

Paige loped down the hallway of yet another hotel, with a backpack slung over her left shoulder, dragging her suitcase behind her on the other side. All of the hotels were starting to look alike. She would be glad when recruiting season was over. She jammed the keycard into the door and turned the handle, but the door didn't open. The lights above the lock were flashing red. She exhaled heavily and tried again, but she couldn't get the timing right. She let out a frustrated grunt, dropping her backpack to the floor, and tried again. This time, she got the green light, and she kicked the door open, bracing it with her foot as she dragged her belongings inside.

The room was cool. That was a pleasant surprise. She usually had to run the air conditioner for a while, to get the room to a livable temperature. She set her bags down and headed towards the bedroom, pushing open the door, which had been slightly ajar. She saw a body on the bed and let out a startled scream before she realized that it was Emily, lying on her stomach with her feet in the air, interlocked. She had her airbuds in as she leafed through the hotel's welcome magazine, so she didn't hear Paige until Paige screamed. Emily screamed, too, and clutched her heart, in a reflexive reaction to Paige's scream.

Paige was full-on smiling by the time Emily saw her. "What are you doing here?" she asked, in delight and disbelief.

Emily had collected herself, too. She stood up, with her hands coyly behind her back, swaying slightly from side to side. "I told you I wanted to facetime tonight," she said playfully, as she drew near to Paige and intertwined her fingers behind Paige's neck. "So, here I am!" She gave Paige a kiss. "Having some face-time with you!"

"How did you get in here?" Paige's voice was full of wonder.

"Oh, Paige," Emily said, going in for another kiss. "I have my ways!"

"No, seriously."

Emily just wanted to reconnect with Paige, but she realized that Paige wasn't going to be able to move on until she got an answer. "I still have connections at Pomona. One of my coaches' girlfriend is the event manager here."

"What if I'd stayed at another hotel?"

Emily rolled her eyes. She couldn't believe that they were still discussing when they could be kissing. " _Every_  visiting coach stays at the Marriott," she droned. "And, besides, if you'd stayed somewhere else, Christina would've found out." Emily shrugged her shoulders. "She would've made a couple of calls and gotten me in there."

"You flew all the way out from Rosewood?"

"Yeah," Emily said softly. Looking off to the side, she added, "I mean, I know you've been on the road all day, and you're exhausted…" Emily picked up on the troubled look on Paige's face. "What's wrong?" Slightly panicked, she added, "Oh, no. I shouldn't have come! I didn't want to stress you out, I swear."

"No, it's not that, it's just..." Paige bit her lip. "I'm supposed to meet Miranda for dinner tonight."

"I know," Emily said, determined not to make a big deal about it. "You told me, remember?"

"Yeah, but, well, it doesn't seem right, now that you're here."

"Why not? Why would it be different with me here than if I were at home?"

"I just... it doesn't feel right for you to stay here by yourself, when I'm going out to dinner with Miranda."

Emily moved closer and rubbed Paige's shoulder, giving her a kiss. "Paige, it's fine, really. I didn't come out here just to keep you from going to dinner with your ex."

Paige tightened her lips. She hated when Emily called Miranda her ex. She and Miranda had only been together for a short time. But she didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

Emily backed away and sat down on the bed. "I'm just going to hang out here, maybe watch some Netflix," she said pleasantly. "And, when you get back, you can tell me all about it."

Paige scrunched her face. "Well, would you... maybe... want to come with us?"

Emily smiled. "Are you sure?" Paige didn't sound very sure. She nodded. "Is Miranda going to be okay with it?"

"Of course she is," Paige said confidently as she reached for her phone. "I just didn't want you to be uncomfortable after the... " Paige cringed at what she almost said.

"After the what?"

Emily knew what Paige meant. She was just messing with her.

"Well, you know... the.."

"The... the..." Emily prodded.

"I mean, not to resurrect bad memories, but..." - Paige switched to a whisper - "the facetime incident?"

Emily snorted, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, thanks for not resurrecting that!"

"Sorry."

"It's fine, Paige. Really. I'd really love to meet her."

Paige smiled weakly and finished punching up Miranda's number, to let her know about the change of plans.

* * *

Paige was holding Emily's hand when they got out of the elevator. When Miranda saw them from across the room, she stood up and put her phone away.

Emily took a second to size Miranda up. She was cute; she obviously had a swimmer's body, although it seemed she hadn't been in the pool for a few years. Or the gym. Not that Emily was judging.

Paige let go of Emily's hand when they got closer to where Miranda was waiting. She used her newly free hand to gesture towards Miranda. "Emily, this is Miranda. Miranda, Emily."

She was wearing flats, but she still had about an inch and a half on Emily. Maybe that was to her advantage in the pool, but Emily didn't think that tall was necessarily Paige's type.

"Emily," Miranda said with a warm tone and a warm smile, spreading out her arms. "So good to meet you!" She kissed Emily's cheek when they parted. Emily's eyes went wide with surprise. "And Paige!" Paige gave a welcoming smile as she leaned over for the hug.

No kiss on Paige's cheek, though. Emily noticed that.

"Did you scout out a good place to eat?"

"The restaurant here looks pretty good," Miranda said. Winking at Emily, she added, "It's late, and I don't want to keep you kids out all night."

Emily raised her eyebrows and looked at Paige. Paige smiled uncomfortably. "There's that Miranda sense of humor we all know and love," she said weakly.

Miranda locked arms with Emily and headed towards the restaurant. "So, Emily. I feel as if I know you already. You know, when I was rooming with P-Mac, she must have told me a million stories about you." Emily looked back and mouthed "P-Mac?" at Paige, but Paige was hiding her face. "But, I'm guessing you don't know very much about me at all, because Paige wasn't nearly as obsessed with me as she is with you."

Emily laughed - a real laugh. She knew what Miranda was doing - trying to position herself as just a friend, to defuse any jealousy - and she appreciated the gesture. But, as dinner went on, it became clear that Miranda was telling the truth. She was finishing the stories that Paige told about Emily, as if she'd heard them multiple times. And she even brought up some other stories, asking Emily to tell her side, since she'd only heard Paige's side before.

Miranda was charming. There was no denying that. And she had been a good friend for Paige, when Paige really needed one. That was also true. Also, it was becoming clearer from story-time that Paige wasn't exaggerating when she told Emily that she'd loved her for a while, before she even realized that it was love that she was feeling.

Emily was trying not to smile, because she didn't want to look like a goober. But Paige caught her and rubbed her shoulder. "What's so funny?"

Emily squeezed Paige's hand under the table and kissed her cheek. "I'm just happy I came," Emily said softly.

"Awww! Where's my phone?"

"Miranda," Paige said with warning in her tone.

"See? There it is! There's that look! Those rosy cheeks! Paige McBlushers! And, when she talks about you, it's Paige McFlustered! Every single time!"

* * *

"So, did you have fun teasing me all night with my ex-roommate?" Paige said, once they were alone, safely in the elevator.

Emily didn't reply. She just turned on Paige, wrapped her arms around her waist, and started kissed her. "I've wanted to do that all night," she whispered, wiping some of her lipstick off of Paige's lips. It had been longer than that. She'd wanted to do it for a while. She played with Paige's collar a bit and then turned, facing the elevator doors, with her hands behind her back as if nothing were going on.

Paige was starting to blush again, and not just in her cheeks.

When they got back to the room, Emily leaned against the wall and smiled at Paige. "I know it's been a long day for you, and you've got another long day ahead tomorrow..."

Emily had planned to say something about keeping things low-key that night; letting Paige get some rest and then spending some time together after Paige finished up with her high school visit, but she never got the chance. Paige had somehow grabbed her by the shoulders and was kissing her desperately.

_Finally!_

Paige had come out of nowhere. Emily had no idea how it had started. She knew what it must have felt like to swim in a relay race against Paige, starting with a big lead and thinking you're in control of the lap until, all of a sudden, she's way ahead of you.

Paige couldn't help herself. It had been a long day, and she had been thinking about how much life sucked, how much it sucked being on the road all the time, and how much it sucked being so far away from the woman she loved. As much as she liked Miranda, she really wasn't looking forward to dinner with her - not when all that she could think about was having dinner with Emily. And then, out of the blue, Emily was in her hotel room, apparently missing Paige as much as Paige missed her. And dinner turned out to be fun. And then Emily gave her that incredible kiss in the elevator. It was all a little much.

When Emily let out a moan, Paige realized that her hands, which had been lovingly caressing Emily's back, had wandered farther south, where they were lustfully massaging Emily's ass. She backed away guiltily, asking, "Too soon?"

Emily put Paige's hands back where they had been. "No, I was just thinking, I wish I'd worn some sexier underwear." Emily cringed playfully, not sure that she hadn't gone too far. She tried to kiss Paige, but Paige backed away.

"Em, there's nothing you could wear that's sexier than you, right here, right now." Emily couldn't help giggling when she heard that. Paige crinkled her nose. "Did that sound too cheesy?"

"No, not at all," Emily said reassuringly. "I was just thinking about all those times in high school when I tried to look sexy, and you never noticed."

Paige tilted her head. "Oh, I noticed." She started fondling Emily's ass again. "Believe me, I noticed!"

Emily threaded her fingers through Paige's hair, pulling her in for a kiss. She started to lose herself. It had been worth it. She'd had to work some extra shifts at her second job at The Brew and borrow some money from her parents to pay for the trip, but it was worth it. Knowing that Paige wanted her so genuinely and so desperately was priceless.


	22. Victory Lap

Paige awoke the next morning before her alarm went off, big spoon to Emily's little spoon. Emily was already awake, and, when she sensed Paige stirring, she rolled over, offering a kiss. After the kiss, she backed away with a concerned look.

"Are you okay?" she asked tentatively. She had been up for a while, worrying that Paige was not. Paige nodded. "Are you sure?"

Paige smiled, to reassure Emily that she was fine. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, I know you weren't planning to… I kind of ambushed you last night."

Paige stroked Emily's hair. "I'm fine," she assured her. I knew what I was doing."

Emily sighed and rolled over again, not wanting Paige to see her sad expression.

Paige put her arm around Emily's waist. "Em, I swear I'm fine."

"I believe you," Emily intoned, without turning around. "It's just…" She rolled over with a sigh, lying on her back. Paige left her arm in place across Emily's waist. Emily stroked it up and down with three fingers. "Well, you have to go to work in a couple of hours, and then you're going back to Iowa, and I'm going back to Rosewood." Emily took Paige's hand, interlacing their fingers. "It just kind of sucks."

"Yeah," Paige agreed. She pulled Emily's hand to her lips and gave it a kiss. "I wish I could just stay here. With you. Forever."

Paige arched up in the bed to reach for her phone and swipe away the alarm. She sat, cross-legged, under the sheets for a minute or two, waiting for the snooze to kick in.

"What time is it?" Emily asked, without turning to face her.

"Seven thirty."

Emily huffed and made a move to sit up. Paige put a hand on her back, to restrain her. "No, don't get up," she urged her. "You need your rest."

Emily rolled over on her back, leaning up, supported by her elbows. "Someone's got a high opinion of herself!" she said with a giggle.

Paige rolled her eyes. "That's not what I meant," she said dryly. "I meant, if I could stay in bed a little longer, I'd take advantage of it."

Emily leaned her head in against Paige's. "Mmm... I wish you could."

"I wish I could, too." Paige gave her a kiss on the temple. "So, what are your plans for today?"

Emily took a deep breath. "I was going to get an Uber, head over to Pomona, maybe catch up with some of my old coaches and profs."

"You didn't get a car?"

"Nah." Emily shook her head. "I figured it was cheaper just to do Uber for a couple of days."

"Well, you can take my car, if you don't mind dropping me off and picking me up. The bad thing is, you'd have to get up soon, 'cause I need to leave in about an hour. But to sweeten the pot, I'll throw in dinner, on the Iowa State's credit card!"

"Ooh!" Emily said with pretend enthusiasm over Paige's pretend generosity. "Too bad it's not breakfast. I'm starving!"

"Well," Paige said, leaning in with mock-sincerity, "the room comes with free breakfast, so I guess I can throw in breakfast, too!"

Emily's face brightened and she clapped her hands, letting out a soft, "Yay!" Paige couldn't help laughing.

"Wow," Paige remarked at Emily's enthusiasm, "- you must really be hungry!"

"I love those hotel breakfast bars, don't you? I used to love it when we were traveling for a meet, and we got to have breakfast in the morning! The fresh berries, the made-to-order omelets - and the Belgian waffle machine!"

Paige laughed. "I don't know. Waffles were okay when I was carbo-loading before a day of competition, but these days..." Paige patted her belly. "I don't think I can afford them!"

"Oh, hush!" Emily grabbed Paige's abs, causing her to shriek into a giggle fit. "You're perfect - no body shaming, okay?"

"Okay, okay!" Paige shrieked, desperate to get Emily to stop tickling her. When she caught her breath, she added, "Anyway, I guess I got a good workout last night. I owe myself a cheat day."

"Just think - if you were in Rosewood, you could earn a cheat day every day!"

"Yeah." The word started out happy, but it was tinged with sorrow by the time Paige finished saying it.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. We were having a fun morning."

Paige hugged her close and kissed her temple again. "We still are," she rasped. "I just wish we could spend every morning like this."

Their tender moment was interrupted by Paige's shrill alarm. "Damn it!" she said, scowling as she swiped it off for good. She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. "I guess I'd better get into the shower." She didn't move.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Emily said teasingly.

"Oh, God yes! If I only had the time."

Emily pouted. "Rain check?"

"Rain check!"

* * *

"Hey!" Emily was smiling enthusiastically. Paige was doing her best to smile. It had been a long day.

"Hey," she managed.

"Long day?"

Emily got out of the car and handed Paige the keys, giving her a hug on her way to the passenger seat.

"I really missed you." Paige wasn't very familiar with that feeling. It was nice, having someone to miss, but it kind of sucked at the same time.

"How much did you miss me?" Emily asked flirtatiously. "Because," she almost sang, "I was thinking... Instead of dinner, we could... cash in that rain check?" Emily's voice got squeaky by the end of the sentence. She wasn't sure how Paige would feel about getting physical again so soon. Especially if she was tired and hungry. But their night together had been so amazing. Emily thought that a small encore might make it easier to face going back to long-distance.

"Oh, that would be great," Paige said breathlessly, "but, unfortunately, I already checked out of my room."

Emily reached across the center console and jiggled Paige's leg. "Don't worry about it," she cooed. "I told you, I have a connection!"

"She can get us a room?" Emily nodded, smiling eagerly. "So, back to the hotel?"

"Back to the hotel!" Emily giggled to herself.

"What?" Paige smiled over at her.

"Nothing - just... you didn't jerk away reflexively when I touched your leg."

Paige rolled her eyes. "I'm making progress," she said sarcastically. She chuckled to herself, and Emily knew that a bad joke was coming. "Like the one about that guy who picked up a hitchhiker, and she turned out to be a magician?" Emily shook her head, signifying that she didn't get the reference. "She touched his leg, and he turned into a hotel!"

Emily sighed, shaking her head. "Well, I may not be a magician, but I think you'll find that I've got a little magic in my fingers."

Paige bit her lip, driving a little more aggressively on the way back to the hotel.

* * *

Emily waved to the person manning the reception desk. Paige smiled, embarrassed, certain that everybody could tell that it was a booty call. She insisted that she and Emily take some luggage inside, to make it look good.

"Don't you have to get a key?"

"Got one! Emily produced a key card that looked fancier than the one that Paige had been given the night before and flashed it in front of Paige.

Paige was about to hit the call button for the elevator, but Emily shook her head, pointing ahead of them. They walked past the bank of elevators and turned a corner where another elevator awaited. It wasn't visible from the area where the other elevators were. Paige didn't even known that it was there.

Emily had to insert her key card to get the elevator doors. Paige could tell that this was something special. Emily didn't say a word - just gave her a smile and a wink.

"Whoa!" Paige said in awe as the elevator doors opened revealing brass and mirrors, with a dangling chandelier in the center. It smelled of jasmine. "I've never seen an elevator this fancy before!"

There were no floor numbers on the control panel; just a gilded, rectangular button that read, "LOBBY" underneath another, which read "CONCIERGE." Emily pushed the top button, and off they went. Emily put her hand on Paige's left cheek and kissed the other one. "Are you okay? You look nervous."

Paige forced a smile. "I'm a little overwhelmed."

The bell dinged and the doors parted. There was a woman sitting behind a counter just off to the side of the elevator doors, close enough to be present, but not so close as to be intrusive. "Good evening, Ms. Fields! Ms. McCullers!"

"Good evening," Emily chimed back. Paige waved and mouthed a weak, "Hi."

"Enjoy your stay!" The concierge gestured to her left, indicating where they should go.

"Who's that?" Paige whispered.

"The concierge," Emily whispered back.

"I know that," she whispered. "Is she the one who got us the room?"

"No, that was the manager. Relax, Paige! It's cool!"

Emily smiled cheekily at the sign on the door, "Bridal Suite," and winked at Paige. Paige frowned, concerned. When Emily opened the door, Paige's jaw dropped.

"Em, this is way too fancy."

"Don't worry about it," Emily assured her. "It's taken care of!"

"I can't take a room like this."

Emily was trying not to get frustrated. They didn't have much time together, and she wanted Paige to relax and enjoy it with her. "Paige, it's fine. Everything's covered. Just leave a tip for the cleaning staff." She gave her a kiss and a serious look. Paige smiled and dropped her resistance.

Emily took her by the hand, walking up to a table in the entryway where there was a bouquet of roses. The envelope with the flowers just said, "#TP." "These are from Gwen," Emily said, sounding like a schoolteacher introducing a new student. "The hashtag is for 'Team Paige.'" Paige tilted her head, with a questioning look. Emily looked away from Paige and started arranging the flowers, to give herself something to do. "Gwen was the one whose shoulder I always used to cry on. I used to ask why I couldn't find someone like Paige, and she used to tell me that you and I would get together, someday."

"Aww..."

Emily laughed, embarrassed. "So, yeah. She was always Team Paige."

"That's sweet," Paige said, reaching for the envelope to read the note inside. She looked confused when she did. " 'I'm still... Team... Paily?' "

"Oh, God!" Emily squealed as she quickly yanked the note out of Paige's hands and hid it behind her back, as if hiding it would somehow cause Paige to unsee what she'd seen.

"Paily?" Paige repeated.

Emily looked down at the floor. Her foot was sliding from side to side, nervously. "It's our ship name," she admitted. "Paige plus Emily."

Paige laughed heartily. "I like it!"

Emily smiled, relieved, and linked arms with Paige. "Come on," she urged, "I'll show you the rest of the suite." Down the hall was a bedroom with floor to ceiling windows and a commanding view of the city. "Now, I know I told you I'd take a shower with you, but how about..." Emily stretched her arms out towards the corner of the bedroom.

"No way! A jacuzzi?" Emily nodded, with a proud smile. "In the room?"

"Uh huh!"

"Whoa! That is... insane!"

Emily put her arms around Paige's neck and started kissing her. "You haven't see insane yet - but you're about to!"


	23. Viva Las Vegas

Paige nudged Emily's shoulder gently, to wake her. Emily scowled and turtled herself up under the blankets. "Emily," Paige whispered, and Emily smiled at the familiar voice, remembering where she was.

When she opened her eyes, she looked surprised. "Why are you dressed?" she rasped in a half-awake voice.

"We need to get to the airport, remember?"

"What time is it?" She stretched her arms up towards the ceiling and breathed out a yawn.

"It's 6:30."

Emily, hearing the time, urgently sat up, leaning on her elbows. "Why did you let me sleep so long?"

"You looked so peaceful."

Emily slapped her palms against the mattress. "I'd better get dressed."

Paige nodded and turned around quickly, heading for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm letting you get dressed."

"Don't leave me," Emily whined. She followed it with a forced laugh, to make it seem that she had only whined that last request as a joke. But she really didn't want Paige to leave, though.

Paige stayed.

"Good thing we're on the same flight to Vegas," Paige observed. "How lucky is that?"

"I don't know about luck." Emily pointed to her bra on the chair, and Paige handed it to her. "All the Southwest flights I've ever gotten out of Ontario took me through Las Vegas."

"Well, anyway, I'm glad I get to spend a little more time with you."

Emily smiled, giving Paige a kiss as she took her bra from her. "So am I."

* * *

"Relax," Emily told Paige as she made some final adjustments to her hair before tucking it into a cap. "We've got plenty of time." She stroked Paige's cheek and shot her a smile that she hoped would relax her.

"I know," Paige stuttered. "It's not that. It's..." Paige grunted in frustration. "Well, is there a back way out of here?"

Emily shook her head quickly, trying to figure out what Paige was talking about. "What do you mean?"

"Is there some fire escape or, I don't know - closet that opens into a staircase, or something?"

"Why?" Emily couldn't help laughing. "Are you afraid the paparazzi might see?"

"No, I'm afraid the concierge-zi might see!"

"Oh, Paige," Emily said condescendingly. "They're very discreet. Don't worry: The concierge won't tell anybody what happened here."

"Yeah, well, I know that. I mean, I would hope not. But that doesn't mean she won't silently judge us. I mean, let's face it, this isn't exactly the kind of hotel that rents rooms by the hour!"

Emily burst out laughing. "You're worried about being judged by the concierge?" Paige tilted her head and scowled at Emily. Emily realized that she wasn't taking things seriously enough for Paige. She put her hands on Paige's shoulders. "Seriously, Paige," she said softly and lovingly, "this kind of thing happens all the time. You'd be surprised."

"What? A couple of lesbians use the bridal suite for their booty calls? Yeah, I  _would_  be surprised."

"Not that, silly! Gwen told me that rich people who can't take their mistresses home or who who have their little side-pieces in every small town pay big bucks to get this room for a couple of hours."

Paige's mouth dropped. "You're kidding me!" Emily shrugged a shoulder. "Like whom?"

Emily sighed and began rattling off the list. "Like state senators, one of the local anchormen, college presidents."

"Oh, great. At least we're in good company," Paige said sarcastically.

"Oh, Paige. We're not like that, and they know it. No one's going to mistake us for a rich, old guy trying to keep something from his wife."

"What if say the wrong thing?"

"What do you mean?"

"What if she says, like, 'How was everything?' and I say, 'She was magnificent!' "

"Well, you wouldn't be lying!"

* * *

At the airport, Paige paid to upgrade Emily to Preferred Boarding. Paige was already in the Preferred Boarding group, but Emily was in Group C, and Paige wasn't sure that she would be able to save a seat for that long. She had to convince Emily that it was fine, and that it wouldn't be a problem for her expense account.

"Do you mind if I take the aisle?" Paige asked, as she put Emily's bag and hers in the overhead bin. "It just makes it easier for my knee."

"I don't care where I'm sitting, as long as it's next to you."

Paige snorted. "That sounds like the kind of thing I'd say."

"Yeah, but it's true."

"I know. That's how I feel, too. Well, except for the knee."

After an uneventful flight, they had a fair amount of time on the ground in Las Vegas. Paige walked Emily to her gate – with one detour.

"Ooh – slot machines!" Paige's eyes went wide.

"Paige, you know those things are a black hole!"

"I know," Paige squeaked, "but I always give them a try. It's just one dollar – it's not going to break me. And, if I hit it big – we might never have to go home again!"

Emily appreciated Paige's optimism, but she was more of a realist. Paige, undeterred, paid the dollar and gave the handle a pull, not terribly surprised when she came up empty.

"Oh well," she said, her enthusiasm undimmed.

"Oh well," Emily echoed.

"That's all right. I already hit the jackpot this weekend." As soon as the words were out of Paige's mouth, she gasped. "I mean - not because I... we... 'got lucky'" Paige made the air quotes. "I mean, just, you, me, together this weekend, it's felt like more good luck than I deserve."

"I know what you meant." Emily hugged her. "And I agree completely. I really wish we didn't have to go back home - back to our jobs, and back to being thousands of miles apart."

"Yeah."

Emily's eyes brightened. "Maybe there'll be some kind of freak snowstorm, and we'll get stuck here for an extra night!"

"A snowstorm? In Las Vegas? In May?" Paige laughed. "And you thought the slot machine was a longshot!"

Emily shrugged, her expression a bit dimmed by Paige's dose of reality. "You never know." Her expression and her tone perked up when she came up with another idea. "Or, maybe the plane will have equipment problems, and Southwest will put us up in a hotel, and there won't be enough rooms, so they'll ask us to share..."

"So, both of our flights will have equipment problems?"

"Maybe the mechanics will go on strike or something, Paige! Work with me here!"

"Well..." Paige lingered over the word. "Maybe there  _is_  a way."

Emily gave a skeptical half-smile. She had just been dreaming out loud; she really didn't think that she and Paige would be able to spend more time together on this trip.

Paige rolled her eyes. "Do you have any reason to get back to Rosewood tomorrow? or Sunday?"

"No, I guess not. I mean, I'm sure my Mom would be happy to watch Mac for another couple of days."

"So, maybe we can change our flights, find a hotel…"

Emily was excited at the idea, but she was a realist. "Okay, well, first of all, I didn't pack enough clothes for a weekend."

"So? Every hotel has guest laundry, we can just wash stuff."

"And I don't have any connections in Vegas, to get us a hotel room."

"I've got a ton of Marriott Points, from all the travel I've been doing. I can get two nights, easily."

"Isn't that for official travel?"

Paige shook her head. "I signed up for it on my own. I talked to the travel office, and they're okay with it. I was actually planning to use them for a hotel in Philly, next time I was in Rosewood, or in Chicago, if you came out to Iowa, but Vegas is just as good."

"Yeah," Emily sighed, "Vegas is great. But I'd still have to change my ticket. I mean, I know Southwest lets you exchange your tickets, but I got a cheap, 'Get Away' fare. I know they won't have any of those left for Sunday, so it'd probably cost me a couple hundred bucks to change my flight."

"Aw, man." Paige looked deflated. She hadn't thought of that. Iowa State always purchased unrestricted tickets, so it was never a problem to change them. "Well," she said, rubbing the side of her face, "I guess I could..."

Emily cut her off. "No, Paige. You already paid to upgrade my boarding assignment. You can't keep paying for everything." Paige dipped her head. She was disappointed, because she really thought that there was a possibility that they could spend a little bit more together.

Emily was disappointed, too. She touched Paige's cheek. "I guess I could put the difference on my credit card," she said slowly.

"No, that's okay," Paige said. "I know you had to save up a lot just to get out here."

"No, I want to," Emily assured her. "I'll figure it out. I can just, you know, live off Ramen Noodles for the rest of the month."

"You'd do that for me?" Paige asked, in a faux-serious voice.

"I would do  _everything_  to you."

Paige laughed, pointing at Emily. "So, you're Officer Haught?"

Emily laughed to herself. "Well, I guess I  _am_  more like Waverly." She narrowed her eyelids and stared intensely at Paige. "I like strong women."

"I... uh... I..." Paige was speechless. After what they had shared over the last two days, the look Emily was giving her and the deep tone of her voice was too much. She shook her head to clear her thoughts. "But, seriously, you don't mind?"

"If it means we get a couple more days together?" Emily rubbed Paige's shoulders. "Of course I don't mind. Totally worth it."

* * *

Paige and Emily ended up spending a lot more time in the hotel than they had expected. They had really wanted to get out and see what Las Vegas had to offer, but, in the end, it wasn't a priority. Vegas would always be there, but it had been months since they'd seen each other face to face, and it would be a couple of months more before Paige could seriously think about moving back to Rosewood. They had a lot of catching up to do.

They spent a lot of time on the couch, watching TV or not watching it, just talking or cuddling or kissing. And they spent a lot of time in the large, California King bed, too, lying awake, engaged in conversation, sleeping late in the morning, enjoying breakfast from room service. Of course, they enjoyed other things as well, but, like Vegas, that wasn't a priority. It would always be there. They didn't have to push it, when there were so many other things that they wanted to do together.

* * *

Hanna pulled the car around at the Arrivals terminal. Before she popped the trunk, she rolled down the window in the backseat, where McCullers had been pacing furiously, excited to see Emily again. Emily gave her kisses and scratches as Hanna looked on, finally opening the trunk so that Emily could stash her luggage.

"So?"

"So?"

Hanna didn't appreciate the coy look on Emily's face. "So, how did it go?" she asked insistently. "And don't give me that, 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas' bullshit!"

"Aw, Hanna," Emily teased, patting Hanna on the shoulder condescendingly, "when else am I going to get the chance to use that line?"

"Oh, come on_," Hanna whined, dropping her shoulder and tilting towards Emily.

"I'll tell you - eventually," Emily promised. "I just want to process it a little, you know? It was our special weekend, and I just want to enjoy it, just the two of us, for a while."

Hanna nodded. "Okay," she said simply, and moved on.

The great thing about Hanna was that, when someone didn't feel like talking, she was more than capable of taking the lead of the conversation. She filled Emily in everything that had happened in the days since Emily left - in excruciating detail, with wild gestures of her hands. Emily didn't mind. She just smiled and nodded her head and made sounds of understanding from time to time. She was getting about 20% of what Hanna was saying - at most.

* * *

"Tell her I said hi," Hanna said, her tone turning from whimsical to sober as she peeked over to her right, where Emily was sitting.

"Hmm? What?" Emily played innocent. She had muted her phone and placed it between her right thigh and the door, hoping that Hanna would think that it was still in Airplane mode. But Hanna could tell what was going on.

"You don't actually think that I think you're smiling like that because my stories are so funny, do you?"

"I'm sorry, Hanna." Emily raised her phone just long enough for Hanna to see the long trail of texts that she and Paige had been exchanging, but not long enough for her to have read any of the texts (although some of the emojis were pretty blatant).

"It's fine," Hanna said, squeezing Emily's knee. "I get it. You two are still in that honeymoon phase."

Emily could only smile. There was no denying it. And she'd been caught red-handed. "Sorry," she said again.

"No, don't be," Hanna replied. "I'm happy for you. It's great that you guys can't stop texting each other."

"Boy, you've really changed your tune on Paige, haven't you? Last year, you would bitch and moan if I even mentioned Paige's name!"

"That's because she treated you like shit last year!" Hanna looked over at Emily, as if daring her to deny it. "As long as you're happy - and as long as she treats you right - I can get along with anybody."


	24. They Named a Penalty After Her

"New York, huh?"

"Yeah. There's a little school out on Long Island that's turning into a swimming factory, so. Leave no stone unturned, as they say."

"That would be great!"

"I know it's a bit of a drive, but…"

"No, it's perfect! I've been meaning to reconnect with my friend, Spencer."

"Spencer…"

"Spencer Hastings. She went to Rosewood with us."

"No, I know Spencer. Believe me, I know Spencer."

"Oh. I wasn't sure you remembered her."

Paige chuckled at that. "How could I forget?" She paused for a bit before launching into the story. "I was on the field hockey team for about two weeks. That was as long as I could go before I ran out of excuses for not having my parental consent form signed."

"Your dad let you join the team while he was thinking it over?"

"He didn't know that I had joined the team." Paige shook her head and scoffed bitterly. "I never should have told him. I should've just quietly left the team or stayed and forged his signature or something."

Emily cringed. "What happened?" she asked softly, afraid to hear the answer.

"So, I decided to do the right thing. Maybe he'd surprise me and be reasonable for once. Maybe he'd realize that there's more to life than good grades and swimming. I should've known better."

"Oh, Paige…"

"I got a full, 15-minute lecture – complete with all the arm-waving, yelling - a full-on hissy fit. Swimming is your job, it's your vocation, what if one of those girls dislocates your shoulder or you break a knee or something. I think it was the first time that I fully realized that I was just a commodity. I didn't have any say in my life; what I wanted didn't matter. I was a swimmer, and that swimming had to be protected at all costs."

"Paige, I'm so sorry."

"And the thing of it is, so what if I'd broken my leg? I still would have ended up in the same place. I didn't end up being that championship swimmer, so what difference did it make that I kept my body safe from field hockey?" Paige was getting heated just thinking about it. "I gave up so much of my life for nothing – for a dream that never came true anyway."

During the time they'd been together, Paige had gotten attuned to Emily's silences. "What's wrong?"

Emily answered slowly, haltingly. "You're giving up your coaching career for me."

Paige rolled her eyes. "Totally different thing."

"Is it, though? What if the dream of you and me never comes true? Then, you'll resent me for taking your career away from you."

"Em, my dream of swimming died because of some freak accident. That's totally different. We're in a relationship together, and we're going to work at it. Both of us. So, unless some freak accident lands you in Ellen Page's bed or something, it's not like swimming and field hockey."

"Paige," Emily said matter-of-factly, "relationships end. People drift apart. And I'm worried that, if we drift apart, I'm always going to be the one who kept you from your dreams."

Paige was trying hard not to get angry, even though she was frustrated. "We have to stop thinking like that, Emily. It's not 'I gave up' and 'You gave up.' We're  _both_  giving things up. That's what it's like when you start a relationship together. It's like… We're like a zipper."

"A what?"

"I don't know. I saw it on the internet or something, and it made sense."

 _Or something._  Paige didn't think this was the time to bring Miranda's name into the discussion.

"We both have to align ourselves with each other. It's not as if I'm over here, and you have to give up everything to be with me. We're both adjusting."

"Okay," Emily said softly. She still worried about what Paige was giving up for her.

"And, besides, Emily,  _you're_  the dream. I'm not giving up my dream to go after you, I'm giving up a job to go after my dream."

Emily sniffled a little. "You're my dream, too," she said sincerely.

"If there's one thing that I learned from blowing out my knee, it's that we can't let fear rule our lives. 'What if you get hurt playing field hockey?'; 'What if you quit your job and then we break up?' No, we have to make the most of what's in front of us. Otherwise, we're going to end ten years from now, thinking about what we should've done differently. I'd rather give it my best shot and get beaten than be so afraid of losing that I don't even compete."

Emily let out a sad laugh. "Okay, now you're sounding like Fulton!"

"I guess." Paige laughed, too. "Sorry."

Emily chuckled. "Anyway." She wanted to get the phone call back on track. "You remember Spencer from field hockey?"

"Yeah. So, I had my one last day with the team, after the fiasco with my Dad. And I got my aggressions out. All of them. Mad at my Dad? Boom – forecheck. Pissed about having to swim five hours a night? Wham! Hard wrist shot. Frustrated because I was never going to have a real life? Tearing into the coach after she got on me about being too aggressive. And that was it. The next practice, I just didn't show up. I know they think I'm a quitter or… whatever, but... Yeah. I remember Spencer. I can imagine I wasn't her favorite person. She always used to glare at me as if I were some big loser for quitting after I got yelled at by the coach. And, hello? – I get yelled at by authority figures all the time. That's not why I quit. I couldn't tell her that, though. The real reason was even more embarrassing."

"I don't think that's why she was giving you the evil eye."

"Trust me, Em. I know that look."

"No, I'm not saying she wasn't looking at you funny. I'm just saying that it wasn't because of field hockey. I mean, the only thing she ever said about field hockey was that they named a penalty after you."

Paige rolled her eyes. "So, I guess my last day with the team wasn't a total waste," she said sarcastically.

"Paige," Emily said, choosing her words carefully, "If Spencer was giving you dirty looks, it was probably because of me..."

"Emily…"

"… for the same reason Hanna used to give you dirty looks," Emily blurted out, needed to get it over quickly. "I mean, my friends and I have always been very protective of each other. So, hearing me pine away about Paige McCullers all the time. Well, they jumped to their own conclusions. Especially after your dad came in and tried to get me kicked off of the team."

"Oh, fuck, Em…"

"No, I'm not blaming you. Or Spencer. It is what it was. I just wanted you to know that she doesn't feel like that anymore. It was a long time ago, and we're together now. So they like you."

Paige smiled bitterly. "Well, this is going to be a fun dinner."

"I don't have to invite her."

"No, she's your friend. We should spend time together. I should get to know her."

"Do you want me to tell her why you left the team?" Emily asked tentatively.

"If it comes up, fine. There's no reason to bring it up, though. As you said, that was years ago."

* * *

"Hey, Spence!"

"Hey!"

"So, I'm going to be meeting up with an old field-hockey buddy of yours in The City on Friday night."

Emily mentioned field hockey to make sure that the topic came up. She thought Spencer should know the whole story.

"Oh, really? Paige McCullers is coming to New York?"

"Yeah. Long Island, but I thought we could all have drinks at that place when you get off work."

"On Friday?" Spencer flipped through her calendar. "Yeah, Friday works. That'll be good!"

"Great! I mean, you guys never really got to know each other, after she left field hockey."

"Yeah, that was weird," Spencer replied, taking the bait this time. "She had this big blow-up with Coach Rogers, and then she never showed up again. No explanation, no anything. It didn't seem like her to quit. I mean, it wasn't the first time she had a shouting match with one of the coaches."

"It's as I used to tell you, Spencer," Emily said with caution behind her tone. "She had a lot going on in her life back then."

"No, no judgment," Spencer said sincerely. "It was just weird. Do you think she'd mind if I asked her about it?"

"If it came up, I'm sure it would be okay. But, you know, just be subtle about it. I'm sure it's still a bit of a sore spot."

"Yeah. I mean, it's too bad that she left the team. I'm sure that she would've made me a better player. Kind of the way she made you a better swimmer."

Emily laughed. "I'd like to think I was a pretty good swimmer even before Paige."

"Oh, no, you were. And I'd like to think I was a pretty good field hockey player, even without her. But there was just something about her, you know? That competitive fire… It brings out the best in her team."

"Yeah, I was just kidding. I know exactly what you mean. I was lucky to have her as a teammate."

"And more than a teammate, now?"

Emily smiled to herself. "Yeah," she replied softly.

* * *

Emily jumped up off of the settee when she saw Paige come through the revolving door. Paige's face lit up. They shared a long hug.

"Did you park in the lot?" Paige nodded. "Good. Spencer can give us those tickets for free parking."

"Is she here?"

"She should be in a minute. Her Uber's taking forever."

"Not surprised, with all that rain and the traffic."

Spencer trundled through the door with a huge sigh, shaking the rain off of her coat and her umbrella. She smiled upon seeing the two of them. "Emily!" Emily spread out her arms for a hug, but Spencer, gesturing at how drenched her coat was, backed away and opted for an air hug. "I can see that you guys came up through the garage," she said. "You're nice and dry!"

Spencer turned towards Paige with a nod. "Wrong-side McCullers!"

Paige's head snapped back. "Really?" she said in shock, " _That's_  the penalty they named after me?"

"Yeah, well you did commit a lot of them, that day. It's almost as if you were trying to get kicked off the team."

"Wrong-side McCullers?" Emily asked with a confused smile.

"Hitting the ball with the wrong side of the stick," Paige explained. "You're supposed to hit it with the flat side."

"Yeah. If anyone ever wrong-sided in practice, Hansen would yell out, 'Wrong-side, McCullers!' By the end of the season, we were all yelling it out." Spencer shook her head, smiling at the memory. "Cut down on the penalties, though."

"Well, I'm glad to have been of help," Paige droned sarcastically.

"Seriously, what the hell were you up to that day?"

 _So much for subtlety._ Emily grabbed Paige by the hand and put her hand on Spencer's shoulder. "Why don't we get a table? Then you guys can swap war stories about the good-old-days of field hockey as much as you'd like."

Paige and Spencer exchanged embarrassed smiles. "Let's get a table."

Once they were settled and had given their drink orders, Spencer leaned across the table closer to Paige. "So? You want to tell me what was going on?"

Paige shrugged. "Parental consent," she said simply. "In my Dad's eyes, I was a swimmer, plain and simple, and field hockey was putting my body at risk of injury. I put off getting my consent form signed for as long as I could, but Rogers said that it was my last week of practice unless I turned in the form. Liability issue. So, I asked my Dad. We had this huge fight about it, and you know the rest." Looking at Emily, trying to make a joke out of it, she said, "I guess I had a little pent-up aggression on that last day."

"Yeah," Spencer agreed, "talk about going out with a bang! So, you never talked to Rogers?"

Paige shook her head. "I mean, I didn't even know what to say."

"You should've seen her at practice the next day. She kept asking where you were and telling us how she was going to make your life a living hell for showing up late. I think she figured out that the way to get the best out of you was to get you a little pissed off."

Emily, who had just taken a sip from her wine glass, started to choke. She went into a huge coughing fit, alarming both Paige and Spencer. Paige put her hand on her back, looking at Spencer helplessly. Emily waved her arms, letting them know that she was okay. "Sorry," she said. "Something just went down the wrong way."

It wasn't a coincidence that Emily had started choking just after Spencer said what she did. During their Vegas getaway, Emily had also figured out that she could to enhance Paige's performance by getting on her nerves a little, just enough to give her that edge. She was looking forward to putting that knowledge into practice later on in the evening.

* * *

"It's not as if I have  _no_  contact with them," Paige said, speaking of her parents. "It's just kind of… strained?"

Spencer reached across the table and squeezed Paige's wrist in sympathy. "Can you fix it?"

Paige looked at Emily, concerned that she might alienate her with what she was about to say, but she said it anyway. "I'm not sure that it's up to me? I mean, I didn't reject them; they rejected me. And, sure, I'd like to have a better relationship with them, but I'd kind of like to think they want that, too."

Emily shrugged, not really looking at Paige. "Sometimes, even if it's not your fault, someone has to take the first step, you know?"

"Yeah," Paige said bitterly. "Why should I expect the adult parents to be the mature ones?"

Emily rubbed Paige's shoulder and kissed it. "I know, Paige," she said apologetically. "I wasn't blaming you."

Paige shrugged her shoulders. "Well, I'm not closing that door. I'm just not ready to go busting through it, just yet." Emily kissed her on the cheek. Paige shot her a smile.

"Well, trust me," Spencer cut in, "I know a thing or two about letting down the family. Even if my family wasn't as… hardcore as yours."

"Do I know this story?" Emily asked, smiling eagerly. She was glad to get the attention off of Paige's family.

"You know. Princeton." Turning to Paige, she explained, "My whole family went to Penn."

Paige was puzzled. "But they couldn't really complain about Princeton, could they? I mean… Princeton!"

"You've got to understand, Penn's kind of funny about Princeton. Like, they almost would rather I went to Hollis than to Princeton."

"Wow."

"But, I know it's not on the same level. They tease me about it, and I hear about it every time Penn beats Princeton in anything. Still, it's not as though they ostracized me."

Paige was ready to move on from the subject of families. The fact was, she had felt isolated by her parents long before she had to give up her dreams of swimming professionally. She smiled weakly, raising her glass. "To family."

"To family," Emily and Spencer agreed.

Paige reached for the check when it came, but Spencer waved her off. "I can just sign for it," she told her. "We have an account here."

* * *

"I really wish I'd gotten to know her better in high school," Paige remarked as she and Emily rode the elevator down to a parking garage. With a shrug of her shoulders, she added, "One more thing to add to my list of regrets."

Emily kissed her on the cheek, both as a consolation for the regrets from high school and, mainly, because she was feeling happy about how well the evening had gone. "I knew you two would hit it off."

Paige took her hand as they stepped out of the elevator to the parking garage. "Which way are you?" she asked, and Emily pointed their joined hands together.

"It was really great to see you," Paige said, giving her a hug when they got to her car. "I'm so glad you could come up here." She leaned in for a kiss, but Emily backed away.

"Are you shuffling me off so soon?"

"Oh..." Paige's head snapped back in surprise. "Did you want to do something tonight?" It was kind of late, and Paige knew that Emily's drive back to Rosewood was a long one.

Emily smiled nervously, pointing to the trunk of her car. "Paige, I brought my overnight bag!"

Paige's eyes went wide. "Really? You're going to come to Long Island with me?"

"I thought so, yeah…"

"You don't have to work tomorrow?"

"I got someone to cover my shift," she said with her arms out wide, as though that answer should've been obvious. "I wanted to..." Emily paused to think about how to say what she wanted to do. Her voice was softer and less self-assured when she continued. "... spend time with you."

Paige pulled her in for a hug, this time completing the kiss. "I want to spend time with you, too."


	25. Talk Flirty to Me

"Did you say something?"

"Huh?" Paige readjusted the phone in her hand. "No, I was just stretching out my neck. It was starting to cramp up a little bit."

"Why don't you put it on speaker?" Before Paige could answer, Emily chimed in. "I know, I know! You hate speaker. It makes you feel as if you're listening at the bottom of the pool." Emily smiled to herself at Paige's adorkableness.

"Anyway," Paige said through a laugh.

"Anyway," Emily echoed. "How's your back?"

"Oh! I forgot to tell you!" Emily perked up in her bed and bit her little finger on the side of her mouth. The excitement in Paige's voice was contagious. "So, I went to see that chiropractor guy."

"Uh huh"

"Dude was huge! Like, one of those big, Midwestern, farm-bred boys."

"Right, he was big..."

"Like, six foot four, or something. So, when he's stretching my back out, he spreads his hands, and they cover my whole back. You know, pinkie-to-pinkie from my neck all the way down to my ass."

"Hmm..." Emily wasn't so sure she liked the sound of that.

"Yeah. So, he told me that my pelvis was twisted, and he did this... crazy adjustment. I feel sooo much better!"

"Wow!"

"Yeah. Instant relief. I mean, I never thought I'd like a man's hands on me, but this one, I'm all about!"

"I'm not so sure I like this, Paige." Emily's voice was over the top, playing it for humor. But she did have the tiniest reservations about the whole experience. "First, you throw out your back by sleeping in your ex-girlfriend's bed..."

"It wasn't her bed," Paige protested wearily. "It was her couch." Paige had clarified that detail several times before.

"And then some strange man uses his gigantic hands to rock your world?" Emily continued.

"It was just a medical thing, Em," Paige said softly.

"I know! I'm just messing with you."

"And I can't really call Miranda my ex."

"I was just kidding, Paige." Emily waited for an answer, but none came right away. "I know she's your best friend. I used to be a little... jealous about that, but that was before, when I was insecure about the two of us. I'm not, anymore. Especially not after I got to meet her. I'm glad you have a friend like her. We might never have gotten together if she hadn't talked to you, right?"

"Yeah," Paige said softly.

"And I'm glad that giant farmboy fixed your back!" Emily changed her tone to make it upbeat, trying to recreate the mood that she had inadvertently destroyed. "You're going to need a strong back, next time I see you!"

Paige laughed, finally getting past her fear about Emily's reaction. "I'll be ready," she said, with a bit of bravado. "Actually, I'm ready right now!" Paige cleared her throat and made her voice deeper. "I was born ready!"

Emily moaned softly into the phone. "I wish you really were here right now."

"I do, too."

* * *

"Anyway," Paige said through a yawn. It was getting late, but neither one of them wanted to get off the phone.

"Anyway," Emily echoed. "I should probably let you go."

"No, I don't have to go."

"Paige, I just heard you yawn!"

"I'm fine," Paige said firmly, adding, a little softer, "I want to talk to you."

Emily laughed. "We're not even talking!"

Paige and Emily spent a lot of time on the phone, after the weekend in Southern California. It may only have been three nights, but the time they spent together had been intense. It created a hunger in them for more. Sometimes, they were talking, but they spent a lot of their phone time not talking. Even in those quiet times, they didn't want to hang up. Just knowing that the other one was there on the line made them feel less far apart.

"I wish you were out here," Emily said softly, wanting to say what was on her heart, but not wanting to make Paige feel bad for not being there.

"I know," Paige whined. "Or, I wish we were still out in California."

Emily moaned sympathetically.

"I kind of wish…"

Emily sat up on her knees, eager to hear what Paige wished. "Wished what?"

"I'd better not say. You'll think I'm a pervert."

"Oooh," Emily purred, following with a seductive laugh. Paige laughed nervously.

"Paige!" Emily whined, stretching the name out to two syllables as she flopped, frustrated, back down on her bed. "Tell meeee_"

Emily's voice, all desperate and needy, was hitting Paige like an aphrodisiac. It only accentuated the thought that Paige had stopped herself from sharing. "I wish we'd… taken better advantage of the time we had together, that weekend."

Emily rolled from her side onto her back and let out a low moan of agreement. The sound made Paige's thighs start to twitch, and she involuntarily clenched them together.

"I mean – don't get me wrong. I wouldn't trade that weekend with you for anything in the world. And, if we had to do it again, I'd be happy to spend it the same way; connecting with you,  _being_  with you. It's just…" – Paige sighed deeply – "I just miss you so much."

"I know," Emily groaned, stretching out the word. She put her hand under her top and rubbed it lightly against her stomach.

"I want to see you, to touch your cheek, to feel your hair falling onto my breasts when we kiss. I want to feel the heat of your…" Paige stopped abruptly. "Emily? Em? Are you okay?"

"Oh, God, Paige, don't stop talking!" Emily blurted out. "Please!"

Paige was stunned. She had lost track of what she was saying; she had kind of just started talking, and her mouth ran away with her. Once she realized the effect her words were having on Emily, she was a little embarrassed. But she was a lot more turned on.

"I want to taste you, Em. I want to taste you so badly. I want to be so close to you that I can smell your desire and taste how much you want me. I want to feel you as you tighten your grip around me. I want hear you cry out in ecstasy as wave upon wave crashes over you."

Paige got that last wish.

When Emily came back to herself, she started giggling. She was very self-conscious and apologetic. "Sorry! So sorry!" she said over and over.

"Why are you sorry?"

"'Cause I'm being selfish." Emily turned to her side, cuddling up to her pillow. "I'm so sorry, Paige. I just… I just really needed a release, I guess."

"It's okay," Paige assured her.

"It's really not, though," Emily said softly.

"Yeah, it really is, Em. " It kind of felt good to Paige, to know that she could turn Emily on like that. She had been crushing on Emily for more years than she wanted to admit, and she had kind of put her on a pedestal. It was good to know that Emily actually felt so strongly for her.

"Paige, could I ask you something?" Emily's voice was tentative.

"Anything," Paige said enthusiastically.

"Could you just… stay with me? On the phone? For a little bit longer?"

"With pleasure."

"I'll probably fall asleep." Emily chuckled dismissively.

"Well, when you start to snore, I'll hang up."

"I don't snore!" Emily protested.

"Of course not! Emily Fields? Snoring? Couldn't be!"

"Shut up," Emily said sleepily.

The phone went silent. Almost a minute later, Paige heard Emily's breath even out, in a slow steady rumble. She chuckled to herself. "Sweet dreams, Em."

* * *

Facetime and phone-time are great, but they weren't enough. Paige and Emily needed more. And, after Vegas, their bodies needed more.

Relationships require work and compromise, and they each did their share. When Paige was recruiting in the Pittsburgh area, she extended her stay through the weekend, and Emily took the drive out from Rosewood to meet her. Paige added a weekend onto her trip to Maryland, too, getting a car and driving up to Rosewood, then flying back to Iowa out of Philadelphia. It wasn't just a hook-up or a booty call when they got together. They liked normal couple things, too; - long walks, bike rides, shopping, or just hanging out in front of the TV together.

Paige's trip to Rosewood was more than just a casual catch-up, though. She needed to find a place to stay and take care of some details at the school. Even though the position of athletic director was created for her, there were still some forms to fill out and hoops to jump through, to keep everything legal.

And there was dinner with Emily and Hanna.

Paige hesitated at the enthusiastic greeting that she got from Hanna, whose arms were spread wide for a hug. "Don't worry," Hanna said, "I'm not going to bite." Paige relaxed a little and gave Hanna the hug. As she backed away, Hanna pointed a finger at her, with a tilt of her head. "Even though you messed by best friend around for all those years."

"Hanna," Emily said, with warning in her voice, "you promised to be nice."

"God, I'm kidding! Man, am I the only one here who can take a joke?"

Hanna  _was_  just joking, having gotten over her animus towards Paige. She was glad that Paige made Emily happy. Still, she  _was_  holding onto some hard feelings under the surface. It helped, though, to see the two of them together; to see how attentive Paige was to Emily, and how Emily's face lit up at Paige's every word. Emily kept looking over at Hanna, smiling as if to ask, "Isn't my girlfriend great?"

* * *

"I could really go for a sugar-free vanilla soy latte," Hanna cooed, collapsing on Emily's couch. Paige looked at Emily, and Emily laughed. Hanna scowled. " _Really_ ," she repeated, staring straight at Emily.

"Oh, do you want me to..." Paige gestured for the door.

"No, that's okay, Paigey!" Hanna grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her down to the couch next to her. "Em gets the part-time-employee discount!"

"Hanna, they don't do employee discounts anymore!"

"Then put it on your tab," Hanna said pointedly.

Emily laughed. "Well, I guess I'm making a run to The Brew! Want anything Paige?"

"Yeah, maybe just a coffee." Paige started to get up. "I can go wi..."

Hanna dragged her back down onto the couch. "Oh, Emily's fine!" she assured Paige, her voice all unicorns and rainbows again. "She doesn't need a bodyguard."

Emily shrugged her shoulders, a wide smile plastered across her face. "I... guess I'm making a  _solo_  run to The Brew!" She gave Hanna a menacing glare. Hanna glared back. When Paige followed Emily's gaze to Hanna's face, Hanna instantly morphed back into her usual, bubbly expression.

"So, Paige," Hanna said pleasantly, as soon as Emily's front door swung shut. "We've known each other for how long?"

"Oh, I don't know," Paige said wearily. "Long, I guess. Can't we just jump ahead to the point?"

"Fine," Hanna said soberly. "'The point' is... Well, look. I know we've had our problems in the past." Paige opened her mouth to protest that she'd never had a problem with Hanna, but Hanna, raising her hand, cut her off. "Fine. I had my problems with you. Because of the way you treated Emily. But I just wanted to let you know, that's all behind us, now. I can see that you care about her, and you treat her right."

"Thank you?"

"I've been through a lot of relationships with Emily." Hanna backtracked, not wanting to make Emily sound bad. "Well, not a  _lot_ , but she's had her share of... female companionship. As you know." Paige was getting more and more confused about what Hanna's point was by the minute. "Okay, but, my point is, I've supported Emily with every one of them - the good ones, the bad ones, the..." - Hanna rocked her hand up and down - "... 'enh' ones. And you're one of the good ones. The best one, TBH."

Paige, a little non-plussed, nodded. "I... I don't know what to say to that."

"You don't say anything!" Hanna said in a playful voice, standing up and holding out her arms. "Just come here, you big lug!" Paige gave her a tentative hug, still not sure that this wasn't a set-up of some kind.

Hanna sat down on the couch, and Paige joined her, scooting a butt's-width farther away after her initial landing on the cushion. She was still wary of Hanna, although she appreciated what Hanna had told her. Hanna, after all, didn't have to say all the nice things that she'd said. So, Paige sat uncomfortably on the couch, patting her hands on her thighs and looking anywhere but at Hanna. Hanna seemed content just to sit there and wait for Emily to get back.

"I should probably go check on her," Paige said, one eternity later.

"Oh, she's fine, Paige."

"It just seems that she's been gone for a while, and..."

"Oh she has! That's the most complicated drink they sell! The barista probably had to YouTube it, to figure out how to make it!"

Paige scowled at Hanna, but, before she could say anything, she heard Emily's key in the door. Hanna grabbed her purse and keys and dashed over to meet Emily as soon as the door opened. She grabbed her drink from Emily's hand before Emily even made it through the door. Emily recoiled in surprise.

"Well, Bye!" Hanna said enthusiastically as she breezed past her.

Emily set her keys and the drinks on the kitchen counter. She took the purse off of her shoulder and set it next to them, turning to Paige with a concerned look. "What did she say to you?" Paige started to say something, but closed her mouth again, to think it over. "I swear, if she gave you the, 'Hurt her and I'll kill you' speech, I will go over there and..."

Paige took Emily's hands, which were flailing wildly, and held them at her sides to calm her. "Relax. She didn't give me that speech. Well, not this time, at least."

"What do you mean, 'Not this time'?"

"No - nothing." Paige moved her arms around Emily's waist, and Emily held her, as well. "She gave me that speech years years ago, that day I ran into you at The Brew on your last day, before you left for Pomona." Paige kissed Emily's forehead. "But this time was different. It was..." - Paige smiled, thinking about it. "It was kind of sweet."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the chiropractor anecdote is based on a real incident that was shared with me (pretty much verbatim) by caligrlfolife, who kindly gave me permission to use it in this fic. (Thanks!)
> 
> Thanks for reading! 3


	26. The Dinner Test

"Yeah. It won't be much longer. We're just outside Mitchellville."

"How's everybody holding up?"

Emily looked at Pam in the passenger seat and Wayne, who was sprawled out in the back, sleeping. He'd done the bulk of the driving, taking the first leg of the trip, from Rosewood through Chicago. Pam took them through Illinois, with Emily taking the homestretch.

"We're all right," Emily said pleasantly. "A little tired, but we'll be okay. I can't believe you used to drive this whole way all by yourself." Emily was thinking of that one time in particular, when Paige drove all night to get to Rosewood, after the infamous facetime incident.

"Well, just imagine how exciting it'll be, driving back to Rosewood with me," Paige said dryly. She knew that she wasn't good company in the car, and that Emily it would be tough for Emily, who thrived on interaction.

"We'll be fine," Emily assured her. "I can put on some music when I'm driving, and I'll just sleep when it's your turn."

"Sorry," Paige said softly.

"Paige, it's really okay. Are you all packed up?"

Paige took a look around at the boxes in her apartment. "Pretty much. Just a couple of odds and ends here and there."

"What's the truck like?"

"It seems okay. I mean, it seemed to handle pretty well, but I only drove it from the U-Haul lot back to here, you know? I haven't been on the highway with it or anything."

"Well, I'm sure it'll be fine."

* * *

When they made it to Des Moines, Emily dropped her parents off at the hotel and headed to Paige's apartment. She was glad that her parents wanted to rest before dinner; that meant that she could give Paige a proper kiss – the kind of kiss that made it clear just how much she'd missed her.

"I really missed you," she cooed, looking up at Paige, wide-eyed.

"I missed you, too." Paige hugged her a little closer. "I can't believe you guys rented a car and drove all the way out here just to help me move."

Emily kissed Paige again, rubbing her back. "I would do anything to get you back to Rosewood. Besides, you're the one who gave up your dream job for me."

"You're my dream, Emily." Paige pulled back so that she could look Emily in the eyes. "And, I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true. I don't want our relationship to be about the sacrifices I supposedly made. I want to be with you. I couldn't care less about the job."

Emily smiled gratefully and patted Paige on the chest. Taking a look around, she said, "Wow! You weren't kidding when you told me that this was a tiny apartment!"

"Yeah," Paige took a look around her mostly bare apartment. " And, believe it actually looks bigger, now, with everything packed up." She shrugged. "I guess my thinking was, I'm only here in the mornings and the evenings, so why spend a lot of money on an apartment? But, yeah. It started to feel rather cramped after a while. The good thing is, I was put aside some money by saving on rent."

"There are some cheap rentals in Rosewood, too," Emily assured her.

Paige nodded. She ushered Emily into the living room, offering her a seat on the Futon, which hadn't been packed away yet. "I can't even imagine my parents helping me move," she remarked. "My Dad would probably just write me a check to pay for movers."

Emily rolled her eyes. Her family had only used professional movers was when the Army was paying for the move. They would never even have considered that luxury when they had to move themselves.

"They're happy to do it," Emily replied. "They're looking forward to seeing you. They just wanted to rest for a bit and have dinner at 8?"

Paige was giving her an uneasy look.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Paige replied unconvincingly.

Emily gasped in fake-shock. "Don't tell me you're afraid to have dinner with my parents!"

"No…" Paige's voice cracked as she said the word.

"Paige!" Emily couldn't believe that Paige was nervous. "It's Pam and Wayne," she said, upbeat. "You know – Pam, your facebook friend." She chuckled. "You've been friends with my Mom longer than you've been friends with me!"

"It's not your mom I'm worried about."

"You're worried about my Dad?" Paige shrugged. "Paige! He's a pussycat!"

"Pussycat to you, maybe. Tiger to me."

"No, he's not," Emily said emphatically.

"What about the dinner test?"

"The dinner test?"

"Yeah – I pick up the wrong fork or put my elbow on the table or violate any other military protocol, and I'm permanently on his shit list!"

"Paige, what are you talking about?"

"You don't have to deny it, Em! Hanna told me all about it."

"Hanna?" Emily burst into laughter, patting Paige on the thigh. "Hanna was messing with you!" Paige gave her a skeptical look. "And, besides, that was high school. I'm sure he's mellowed out since then!"

"Emily, he's Army – they don't mellow out!"

"Oh, would you relax? I'm obviously kidding!" Emily caressed Paige's cheek. "Aww… Paige… You've got to calm down. I'm an adult; do you seriously think that my Dad screens my girlfriends?"

The look in Paige's eyes was saying, "Of course he does."

Emily gave her a kiss. "He's super chill. He's going to love you. And, besides, my Mom loves you, so, if he's not on his best behavior..." Emily swiped her finger in front of her neck, doing the "she'll slit his throat" gesture.

* * *

"Hello, Paige!" Pam said enthusiastically, with her arms spread out wide.

Paige closed in and hugged her, with an upbeat, "Hi, Pam!" It was only slightly less enthusiastic than Pam's, but only because Pam's enthusiasm was hard to beat.

"Hi, I'm Wayne," Wayne said, holding out his hand. Paige approached him with her arms spread for a hug, then backed away to gave a handshake as Wayne spread out his arms. Emily rolled her eyes at her mother, who burst out laughing. Both of their partners were so awkward when it came to physical contact and interpersonal relationships.

There was a little bit of smalltalk before their table was ready. Things picked up a bit once they sat down.

"So, Paige, did you get everything boxed up and ready to go?"

"Yes, Sir! Everything but the bed, and that goes in the morning."

Wayne gave Paige a serious look. "Now, Paige, I'm going to make a deal with you. You don't call me, 'Sir,' and I won't call you, 'Miss McCullers.' Okay?"

Paige dipped her head, turning it into a nod at the other end. She was conflicted between the way that she'd been brought up to make a good impression and what Wayne was telling her. Emily squeezed her hand under the table and smiled at her, trying to get her to relax.

Paige and Emily were too young at the time to have remembered when the Emily's family visited Paige's, but the way that Emily was squeezing Paige's hand was not unlike the way that Pam squeezed Wayne's, so many years earlier. Pam and Wayne remembered it well, of course. Pam remembered how nervous and how inferior to the McCullerses she felt, and Wayne remembered how their hosts seemed to go out of their way to humiliate them and make them seem small. Their memories of that night shaped the way that they treated others in similar situations; never wanting anyone to feel uncomfortable or unwelcome. Pam hadn't always gotten it right. She was less than hospitable, the night when Maya came over for dinner. There were extenuating circumstances, to be sure; Pam was caught off-guard and unprepared for Maya. She didn't know that Emily was dating at all when she received those pictures of her daughter kissing another girl. It had taken a long time to repair her relationship with her daughter after Maya. Pam had learned a lot from the experience. They both had.

* * *

After dinner, after Paige and Emily dropped Emily's parents off at the hotel. As they drove back to Paige's apartment, Emily couldn't keep her hands to herself. She was on such a high, after having shared dinner with the three people in the world who meant the most to her, and seeing them all get along.

"Well, you're in a good mood," Paige remarked.

"I'm just so glad that you get along with my parents," Emily said, her face lit up with a smile.

"With Pam and Wayne?" Paige said their names sarcastically. Emily gave her a swat, but she was still smiling.

"Yeah. It means a lot to me that you like my parents. And that they like you." She kissed Paige's cheek.

Paige smiled over at her before turning her attention back to the road. "It's funny," she remarked. "You get along with them like friends, you know? It's not like parents and a daughter."

"Well, they  _are_ my friends," Emily said, slightly confused at the disconnect. "Why can't it be both?"

Paige looked over at her with a closed-mouth laugh. "It was never that way with my parents!"

"Aww, Paige!" Emily pouted, stroking Paige's cheek. "That's so sad!" She gave Paige a dozen kisses on her shoulder. Paige shrugged her off.

"All right, all right! I don't need your pity kisses!" She was smiling as she said it, though. She obviously didn't mind them.

Emily took Paige's right hand from the steering wheel and sandwiched it between hers. "Just how sturdy is that futon, by the way?" she asked in a suggestive tone.

Paige, shocked, almost drifted into the other lane. She looked over at Emily, her face a mix of elation and disbelief. "What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing," Emily said coyly. "I'm just happy! Can't I be happy?"

"Of course, you can be happy. And I'm not complaining. It's just a little out of the blue, that's all."

"What?" Emily protested. "My girlfriend and my parents get along, and we're moving you back to Rosewood tomorrow. I just want to celebrate!"

Paige chuckled. "We'll see how you feel when that alarm goes off at 5:00 in the morning," she muttered under her breath.

Emily shoved her in the shoulder. "We'll see how  _you_  feel, Miss Cums-twice-and-then-passes-out-cold!"

Paige's jaw dropped. She slammed her hands against the steering wheel. "One time!" she protested, leering at Emily. "And I was drunk!"

"Uh huh," Emily said, nodding her head with a smile of superiority. "Whatever you say, Babe!"

She didn't mind teasing Paige. It would only make Paige work harder; give her a bit of an edge. And that was good news for both of them.


	27. Lonesome Road

"Morning," Emily said sleepily after Paige shut off the alarm on her phone.

"Hey. How'd you sleep last night?"

Emily sat up a little, keeping the blanket in place to cover her chest, and smiling contentedly. "Like a baby."

"You pooped your diaper and woke up crying?"

"Paige," Emily pleaded, exasperated.

"What? That's how babies sleep!" Paige tugged at the blanket, pretending that she was trying to look underneath it. "You got a little poopy diaper under there?"

"God! Somebody get this woman some coffee – I can't take 10 hours on the road like this!"

"Like what?" Paige tried to keep a straight face.

"Like this!" Emily made a circle with her finger around Paige's face. "You're so punchy when you don't get enough sleep."

Paige started punching the air like a boxer. "Yeah, yeah. Punchy! I'm ready to go 12 rounds with Interstate 80!"

Emily laughed. She wrapped her arm around Paige's neck and kissed her. "If you ever have doubts about how much I love you, just remember today, and all I had to put up with on the ride back home!"

* * *

Paige was actually much more subdued when they got on the road. She was focused on driving, as she usually was on long road trips. But, up till the drive back to Rosewood, those road trips had been solo affairs.

"So, you're not going to talk to me at all?"

Paige looked over at Emily. "We're talking."

"You haven't said a word to me in the past half hour."

Paige gestured with her hand on the road in front of them. "I'm kind of driving here."

"I don't get it, Paige. My Mom and Dad talked to each other all the time. They had fun together."

Paige scowled, looking over at Emily. "I'm sorry I'm not more like your father."

Emily looked away, out of her window, and sighed. Paige heard it, but she didn't react to it or ask Emily what was wrong. A half-minute later, Emily looked over at her, but Paige kept her eyes on the road, refusing to engage. "Normal people talk to each other in the car, you know," Emily blurted out, in frustration. "It  _is_  possible to drive and talk at the same time."

"Well, I'm sorry I'm not normal, then."

"That's not what I meant, Paige!" Emily could tell that she was cranky because she didn't get enough sleep the night before. Still, she didn't think that she was being unreasonable. "I just feel so lonely. I'm right next to you, and you won't talk to me."

"Okay, so, let's talk!"

"I… you don't… I can't just  _talk._ God, Paige, why are you being like this?"

"Like what? You're saying that I'm not talking, but you're not talking either. How is it my fault?"

"I didn't say it was your fault."

"' **You're**  not going to talk to me.' ' **You**  haven't said anything in the past half hour.' 'Why are  **you**  being like this?'" Paige pumped her head forward to emphasize the word, "you," each time she said it.

Emily took a deep breath to try to calm herself. "Look, I'm sorry that I put it on you. But it just worries me that we're alone together and we can't find anything to say to each other. And it worries me that it doesn't seem to bother you."

Paige looked over at Emily. She put her hand on Emily's thigh, to be present with her. Emily covered Paige's hand with her own. The touch felt good. "We never run short of things to talk about, Em. If we're on the phone or at dinner or just hanging out, we're always talking. So, no, I'm not worried that we're not talking right now. But I get what you're saying." Paige thought about the zipper. It's not a question of right or wrong, but of how they were going to come together. "So, we have to figure out how to work it out." She patted Emily's thigh before returning her hand to the steering wheel. "Do you want to play a game?"

"What kind of game?"

"Twister?" Emily slapped Paige's shoulder. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Twenty questions?"

Emily chuckled to herself. "I think I'm just going to take a nap, if you don't mind."

"Are you sure?" Emily nodded. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For not being good company."

"No, it's not that. I'm really tired after last night. But I guess I'm so used to talking in the car that I just assumed that's what we were supposed to do, and that I'd be letting you down if I went to sleep and left you alone to drive. But I kind of think that it would be easier for you if you didn't have to talk, and I know it would be easier for me if I could just take a nap, so..."

Paige gave Emily's thigh a squeeze. "I love you."

Emily leaned over the console to give her a kiss. "I love you, too. Wake me if you need me, okay?"

Paige nodded, but Emily knew that Paige wasn't going to wake her.

* * *

Paige strapped herself into the passenger's seat as Emily familiarized herself with the controls and adjusted the mirrors in preparation for her first leg as the driver.

"It drives pretty much like a car," Paige advised her.

"Thanks," Emily said sincerely. "I'll be fine." She patted Paige's thigh. "You get some rest."

"I'm okay," Paige assured her. Emily just smiled.

"Well, here we go!"

Emily pulled out into traffic with a pleasant look on her face.  _Two days._  In a little less than two days, Paige would be in Rosewood, and life would be easier. She knew that their lives wouldn't always be like the weekends that they'd been able to spend together, but it wouldn't be like the weeks and months that they'd had to spend apart, either. She looked over at Paige, expecting her to be cuddled up against the window. She smiled shyly, as if she'd been caught staring when she shouldn't have been. Paige smiled back. "So, was your dad in the military when your mom married him?"

Emily looked back at the road, nodding her head. "They met when he was in boot camp. By the end of the ten weeks, they decided that they wanted to get married. You know, before he shipped out."

"Wow. Ten weeks?" Emily nodded. "Where was this, down south?"

"No, Ft. Dix. New Jersey. My Mom's been in the Northeast pretty much all her life."

"Oh, good. So, her parents were there for the wedding."

"Yeah," Emily chuckled. "Barely. They weren't too happy about her marrying a soldier. And especially since she'd only known him two and a half months." Emily flailed her arms a little, her voice becoming high-pitched as she described the scene. "My Lola was crying – 'You do not know this boy! It will not last!'"

"Your Lola?"

"That's what I call my Grandma." Paige nodded. "Yeah. So, yadda yadda yadda, it's lasted all this time." She shrugged he shoulders. "He's the love of her life."

"And vice versa."

Emily turned towards Paige and smiled, mouthing the word, "Yeah."

"So, they must have traveled a lot."

Emily nodded. "Most of that was before I was born. He retired from active duty and joined the Guard full-time, so we wouldn't have to move around so much." Emily looked over at Paige and smiled. "You don't have to do this, you know."

"Do what?"

"You can go to sleep. I'm fine."

"No, I've never heard about your parents."

Emily rubbed Paige's shoulder. "You should sleep. You drove all morning. I'll just turn on the radio."

* * *

Paige woke up and groaned, rubbing her neck. She scowled as she looked out of the window, trying to get her bearings, before she looked over at Emily. Moments before her groan, she had heard Emily singing along with the radio. The singing stopped abruptly as soon as Emily heard that Paige was awake.

"Are you okay?"

Paige sat up in her seat. "Where are we?"

"I keep seeing signs for Sheffield?"

Paige nodded. "My neck's a little stiff," she said in answer to Emily's question, "but I'm all right."

"You should've taken my Dad up on his offer to drive the truck. If we were driving your car, we could recline the seats when we want a nap."

"I know," Paige conceded, half-whining, "but your mom didn't seem too comfortable about driving this truck. I figured, if they took my car, at least your dad wouldn't have to do all the driving."

"Yeah."

"Plus, this way, they can take their time." Paige had packed all of her essentials in the truck. There was nothing that she would need right away in her car. "If they need to take it at a slower pace, or if they just want to stop and see the sights..."

"Well, they  _are_  old!"

"That's not what I meant."

"I know. I'm just teasing." Emily blew out a puff of air. "I kind of wish  _we_  could take  _our_  time."

"Oh - do you need to take a break? Need me to drive for a while?"

"No, I mean, I wish we could spend some time in Chicago, Pittsburgh..." She gave Paige a smile.

"Yeah, that would be nice, wouldn't it? I would love to see the country with you."

"Well, maybe when we're an old ma..." - Emily stopped herself before she said "married." - "... an old couple like my parents."

"Have you heard from them?"

Emily nodded. "They're doing all right. They slept in this morning. I don't think they've made it out of Iowa yet"

"I still can't believe that they drove all the way out here to help me move." She massaged Emily's shoulder a little. "How are you holding up?"

Emily sighed. "I'm good. Now that you're awake, I'll probably start looking for a rest-stop, but I'm good to drive for a few more hours."

Paige nodded, checking the time on her phone. "And then we can take a dinner break and find someplace to spend the night."

"Yep!"

Paige's face scrunched up as she checked the notifications on her phone. "Have you been posting pictures of me while I slept?"

Emily stifled a laugh. "You just looked so cute!"

"Yeah, I'm sure  _that_  was safe!"

"Oh, please. We were doing like 2 miles an hour during that traffic jam that you conveniently slept through."

"Sorry."

"No worries." She gave Paige a playful punch. "I'm not blaming you for the traffic."

"We should probably try to make it to Chicago," Paige said through a yawn. "You never really know how some people in these small towns will react to two women sharing a room."

Emily shrugged. "They'll probably won't think anything about it. They'll probably think we're just friends or college roommates, saving money by sharing a room." Emily waggled her eyebrows at Paige. "As long as we don't request a room with just one bed."

"Yeah." Paige's tone was more serious. "Or hold hands in the lobby."

"It's too bad we have to think like that."

"It really is."

* * *

"Emily! Emily!"

Emily bristled awake, under Paige's not-so-subtle nudging. "Huh? What?"

"You've got to see this! We're at the Grand Canyon!"

"We're... Wait, what?"

"Just kidding! We're in Pittsburgh!"

"Oh, you..." Emily started slapping the crap out of Paige's shoulder. Paige tried weakly to defend herself, but she knew that she had earned the beating that she was getting.

"You should've seen the look on your face!"

"Paige, I swear, one of these days!"

It had been an interesting weekend. Emily wasn't quite ready to declare it an unqualified success, but it had certainly gone much better than she had feared - especially after those strained moments right at the outset of the trip. They were learning how to get along, even when it was just the two of them, in a cramped, uncomfortable space. They were learning that they actually  _could_  get along, which was even more important. And encouraging.

"Are you up for some coffee?"

Emily made a sound that, up until that moment, Paige had only heard her make in bed. "Oh, God, I could really use a grande cappuccino!"

"Well, you're in luck! Your considerate and very beautiful girlfriend chose a rest stop that has a Starbucks!"

Paige jumped out of the truck and hurried around to the passenger side to help Emily down.

"I can't believe we're only six hours from Rosewood."

"Yeah. And, don't worry. I can drive the rest of the way."

"No, Paige, it's my turn. You don't have to do that!"

"I  _want_  to," Paige assured her. "I'm fine, really. And, besides. I kind of owe you, after that Grand Canyon prank."

Emily looked at Paige and slapped her playfully on the chest. "Yeah, I guess you do!" She grabbed Paige by the arm as they walked through the parking lot up to the entrance of the rest area.

* * *

Emily took tentative sips of her coffee, torn between her need for caffeine and the need to let it cool down. "Okay, don't think I'm crazy, or anything, but I'm kind of going to miss this - being on the road together."

"I know, right? I was thinking the same thing!" Paige gave Emily's hand a squeeze. "It was kind of nice, knowing that, whenever I looked over, you'd be sitting right there."

"Yeah. And nice not to have to be on anybody else's schedule, nice to be able to get up when we wanted, drive for as long as we felt like it."

"Except we need to get you back to Rosewood High by Monday."

"Ugh. Don't remind me." Emily smiled sweetly at Paige and blew her a kiss. "Back to reality."


	28. East Meets West

Hanna was bored. She had been sitting on one of the uncomfortable, hard plastic chairs in the storage center's waiting room for way too long, waiting for Emily.

This time, Hanna had been on time. Emily had ordered her, over and over again, to make sure that she was there on time to help her and Paige unload the truck. So, she made it there, at 8:00 exactly (well, more or less), only to find that Paige and Emily had gotten stuck in traffic and were running late.

She couldn't call Emily, because she was too angry with her for making her get up early and then not showing up on time. And she couldn't call her boyfriend, Caleb, because he was away at some hackathon with Mona, with their phones locked away for the duration.

There was one other person in the waiting room, a woman with whom Hanna had been exchanging glances and occasional smiles for the previous few minutes. Ordinarily, Hanna would have gone over and chatted with her, but she was in too bad a mood. The woman was obviously new to Rosewood; Hanna would have remembered her, if she'd seen her before. So, it was no surprise that the she was hanging out at the storage center, probably waiting for her movers to arrive. She was unquestionably hot, not to mention unmistakably and unashamedly gay. She was the kind of woman, Hanna thought, who would have ended up dating Emily, had she moved to Rosewood a year or so earlier, before Paige was in the picture.

The woman had an edgy look to her; a kind of aWest Coast vibe. She looked to be about Hanna's age, but she presented as older; more mature and self-assured.

Hanna, on the other hand, looked like crap. She looked like someone who'd just rolled out of bed, which was pretty much what had happened. She was barely coherent when she picked up Emily's call and got yelled at for not being at the storage center 20 minutes ago. She quickly pulled on a pair of fat jeans and her emergency bra (the one that didn't fit well and was pulling apart at the seams, and that she only wore when all her other bras were in the clothes hamper) under an old tie-dyed shirt, topping it off with an Eagles cap, to tuck her hair under. She didn't have on any makeup on, and her pores were making her nose look like a giant sponge. Not to mention the line of tiny bumps that had appeared on her forehead overnight.

She'd heard that some lesbians liked that "natural" look. She made a mental to ask Emily about it, sometime.

Hanna sighed, checking the time on her phone. She looked up at the woman again. The woman smiled politely at her and looked away. She looked just as bored as Hanna felt. Hanna's boredom finally won out over her bad mood. She went over to introduce herself.

"I like your nails. They're really pretty," she said, pointing at the woman's nails and nodding her head.

The woman looked her up and down with a smile and then looked at her nails, as if she didn't remember what was pretty about them. "Thanks." Her nose crinkled when she said the word.

"Stanford, huh?" Hanna said, pointing at the stitched letters on the woman's sweatshirt. "I know someone who went there."

The girl's face lit up, and she stood. "Oh, you're one of Paige's friends? Hi, I'm Miranda!"

Hanna gasped, her mouth wide open. Without another word, she reached for her phone and angrily swiped in Emily's phone number, shooting Miranda an icy glare all the while.

"Hey, Hanna – We're on our way!" Emily blurted out, answering the question that she was expecting Hanna to ask angrily.

"Yeah?" Hanna said urgently. "Well, guess who's already here?" She looked Miranda up and down. "Standing right in front of me!"

"Caleb?"

"No!" Hanna turned away from Miranda, covering her mouth with her hand as she whisper-shouted her name into the phone.

"Oh! She made it! Great!" Emily looked at Paige and mouthed the name.

"Emily," Hanna pleaded, "I said MIRANDA!"

"Yeah, I heard. I wasn't sure that she was planning to head there from the airport by herself."

Hanna was flabbergasted and momentarily at a loss for words. "Uh… uh… What the hell is she doing here?"

Emily chuckled. "The same thing you are, Hanna!"

"Um, no!" Hanna said with a bit of sass. "I'm here because you begged me to help Paige unload her stuff.  _She's_  here to go all Ariana Grande on your girlfriend."

"Hanna, what are you talking about?"

Hanna grunted impatiently before speaking, rather than singing, the words, "Break up with ya girlfriend, ya ya, 'cause I'm bored!"

"She's not here to steal my girlfriend!" Paige, who was driving and only picking up bits and pieces of the conversation, laughed out loud when she heard Emily say that.

"Well, why else would Paige's ex be moving to Rosewood? Coincidence? I think not!"

"First of all, Hanna, she's not moving to Rosewood. And, second of all, she's not planning to steal anyone's girlfriend!"

"Hello! Wake up, Emily! Have you  _seen_  this girl?"

"Yes, of course, I've seen her, Hanna!"

"No, not in pictures! I mean in real life!"

"We had dinner with her! Remember?"

"Um, no we did not! I'm pretty sure I'd remember if we'd had dinner with her."

Emily sighed, exasperated. "Not 'we,' you and I; 'We,' Paige and I. And she couldn't have been nicer. And, besides, Paige and I might not even have gotten together if Miranda hadn't given her a push!"

Paige turned towards Emily, looking skeptical at Emily's version of things. Emily rolled her eyes, as if to say, "You know it's true."

"Wait, when did you guys have dinner?"

"When I went to California!" Emily's voice was getting louder as she started to lose her patience. "Oh my God, Hanna, I told you all about this months ago!"

"Oh. Okay. Well, to be honest, the only thing I remember you telling me about your Cali trip was you and Paige getting it on in the honeymoon suite in Vegas."

"We didn't…" Emily groaned, frustrated. It wasn't worth the effort to correct Hanna. "Look, Miranda and Paige have been friends since college. They dated for like a minute, years ago. And they're still friends.  _Just_  friends. She's in Rosewood to help Paige get settled. End of story."

"So, we like her now?"

"We like her now."

"Gotta go!" Hanna yelled abruptly, ending the call. She wheeled around towards Miranda and spread her arms wide, as if that whole phone conversation had never happened. "Miranda!" she said in a high-pitched voice with a big smile.

"So, that's how we're playing this?"

"What? Oh, no. I… um... I thought you were someone else!" Hanna widened her arms a little, reinforcing the invitation for a hug.

Miranda chuckled and shook her head, but she went in for it. It was good to know that Emily had loyal friends. The fact that her friend was so protective said a lot about Emily.

"I'm Hanna," Hanna said, still holding on to her. "And you and I need to exchange phone numbers, since we're going to be maids of honor someday."

"You sure about that?"

"Oh yeah!" Hanna backed away from the hug, keeping her hands on Miranda's shoulders. "Paige is the love of Emily's life. And Paige is no fool, so…"

Miranda laughed out loud. Hanna had a point, though. "No, Paige may be a lot of things," she remarked, "but she's no fool." She reached for her phone and, after opening her contacts, handed it over to Hanna, who swiped in her number.

* * *

"So, you've slept with a lot of women, huh?"

Miranda glared at her in disbelief. They had been sitting nicely, just waiting together and talking occasionally, when Hanna fired off that question.

"What? I'm just making conversation!"

"Have you slept with a lot of men?"

"I've slept with my share," Hanna said blithely, with a shrug of her left shoulder. "No judgment," she added, waving her hand dismissively. "Just wondering where Paige fits on the scale."

"I… uh…" Miranda was tongue-tied for a moment, still not sure what to make of Hanna and her line of questioning. "Not," she managed to spit out. "She's not on the scale."

"Whoa!" Hanna's mouth was wide open. After a moment of reflection, her face scrunched up questioningly. "Wait, is she off the scale as in, 'Holy Crap!' or off the scale as in... not even good enough to make it onto the scale?"

Miranda looked at her as if she had three heads. Her words came out slowly and deliberately. "Not on the scale as in not in the competition? As in, I never slept with Paige?"

Hanna gave her the side-eye. "Yeah, yeah. I know that's the story we're telling Emily. But you can tell me truth. I won't say a word, I swear." Hanna mimed locking her lips with a key and dropping the key into her purse. "I just want to know how good she is, 'cause I'm betting she's a tiger." Hanna raised her hand, claws out, and swiped the air with it and sneered, "Rawr!"

"Okay, first of all, if I wouldn't admit it to Emily, why would I admit it to her best friend, whom I've known for like 30 seconds? And, second of all,  **I never slept with Paige!** "

"You know, Honey, it's kind of hard to believe you when you just admitted that you'd lie to me about it."

"Yeah, well…" It was obvious from Miranda's tone that she was getting more annoyed by the second. "You're going to believe what you want to believe anyway, so it really doesn't matter what I say."

"True," Hanna said smugly, "And I choose to believe that Paige was awesome in bed." Pointing her finger at Miranda and speaking much more quickly, she added, "But not as awesome as she is in bed with Emily!"

Miranda couldn't help laughing. She went to the front counter and borrowed a Sharpie marker, taking it back to the area where she and Hanna had been sitting. Hanna tilted her head and smiled, obviously confused about what Miranda was up to.

"Give me your hand," Miranda commanded, extending her hand.

"What? Why?"

Miranda waved her hand impatiently, and Hanna obediently extended hers. Miranda took Hanna's hand in her right hand and started writing with her left hand."One of these days," she explained as she wrote her phone number in Hanna's palm, "you're going to decide to that you want to see how the other half lives. And when that day comes," - she added two quick dots next to her number for eyes, with a curve underneath completing the smiley face - "you give me a call."

"Wait," Hanna said, holding her palm in front of her face, looking at Miranda's number to verify that it wasn't fake, "But you already gave me your number, remember? Bridesmaids?"

"I know," Miranda said blankly, "But this makes it official." Hanna seemed skeptical, so Miranda added, "In Lesbian."

"Ohhh!" Hanna tilted her head back, digesting the secret to the forbidden Isle of Lesbos that Miranda had just shared with her. All of a sudden, she balled her hand into a fist and pumped it in celebration. "I knew it! I knew it! I  _told_  Emily that chick at the bar couldn't have been gay, since she didn't hit on me!"

Hanna wiggled her hand in front of her face, staring at the number and the smiley face, giddy over what she had achieved: On a bad hair, bad boobs, and bad ass day, she'd still managed to get a phone number out of a real, live lesbian. "Oh, one second!" Hanna held up one finger and, with her other hand, reached for her phone, which was ringing in her back pocket. "Hey, Em! Where are you?"

"We're about five minutes away," Emily said quickly. With more concern in her voice, she got to the reason that she was calling. "Are you playing nice with Miranda?"

"Oh, yeah!" Hanna waggled her eyebrows and deepened her voice an octave or so. "I, uh… I got her digits!"

"Hanna, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't worry about it," Hanna said, winking at Miranda.

 


	29. All or Nothing

"I don't get why you don't just move in together."

"Miranda, even though I came out here in a U-Haul, we're not going to be that U-Haul couple."

"No, but, seriously, though. It doesn't make sense. I mean, you guys are going to move in together eventually. In the meantime, why pay storage on all of your stuff and move it twice?"

"We don't want to rush things. Learning how to get along a couple is hard. It just makes more sense to ease ourselves into it."

"What's the big deal? You're already moving in with her…"

"Temporarily!"

"Temporarily, but still. You're going to get a lease on a new place, so both of you will be paying rent, and both of you will have to break your leases to move in together?"

"I… Yes." Paige wasn't in the mood to rehash this discussion. "Look, we've talked this through, and we both realize that it's the best thing for us – for our relationship – right now."

* * *

"I don't get why you don't just move in together."

"Hanna, even though she came out here in a U-Haul, we're not going to be that U-Haul couple."

"No, but seriously. It doesn't make sense. You guys are going to move in together eventually. In the meantime, why pretend that you're not living together?"

"We don't want to rush things. Learning how to get along together as a couple is hard. It just makes more sense to ease ourselves into it."

"What's the big deal? She's already moving in with you…"

"Temporarily! And it's not as if we're sharing a bed. She brought her futon."

"Yeah, but still. Don't tell me she's not going to get tired of sleeping on that thing. And don't tell me you're not going to want someone to cuddle with."

"I… Yes." Emily wasn't in the mood to rehash this discussion. "Sure, there are going to be times we'll want to be together. Just as there will be when she moves into her own apartment. Look, we've talked this through, and we both agree that this is the best thing for us – for our relationship – right now."

* * *

"I don't get why you don't just move in together."

"Really, Mom? You too?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why does everything feel the need to tell us that we should be moving in together?"

"Well, if everybody's telling you that, it must make sense."

Emily narrowed her eyes at her mother, who never would have let her get away with the "Everybody's doing it" argument when she was younger.

"I mean, just think about it," Pam continued. "It doesn't make sense. It's not as if you need to get to know each other better. You've known each other all your lives!"

"Well, I didn't  _really_  get to know Paige until we started going together."

"Okay, but, even so, you guys have been going together for almost a year. Emmy, that's a lot longer than I knew your father before we got married!"

"That was different. You guys got married because Dad was moving to Texas."

"Well, yes, that was part of it."

"What do you mean?"

Pam sighed. "Things were different back then, Emmy. You really  _had_  to be married."

Emily nodded her head, acknowledging what her mother had said. All of a sudden, she realized what she meant. "Wait, WHAT?" Emily started shaking her head. "No, Mom. You and Dad got married because he had to move to Texas. Period. End of story!"

"Don't be silly, Emmy! It may have been the 20th century, but young people still had needs!"

"What? No, no, no! Mom, we are not discussing this. And we're definitely not discussing it in the middle of Target!"

"Why are you acting so surprised? I have needs," - Emily cringed at that - "Your father has needs, and I know you have needs. And so does Paige. It's only natural. And you're mature enough to take that next step."

"Mom, I am not going to discuss my… sex life with you."

"I'm not talking about sex, Emily. I'm talking about commitment. You know that Paige is different from those girls you ran around with back in high school. So, what are you afraid of?"

Emily took a deep breath. Her words came out slowly and deliberately. "I know that Paige is special. And I know that she loves me, too. But she gave up everything for me. What if she changes her mind? What if she realizes a job at a small-town high school isn't worth it?" Emily softened her voice and added, "What if she realizes  _I'm_  not worth it?"

Pam put her arm around Emily's shoulder to console her. "Have you talked to her about this?" Emily nodded. "And what did she say?"

Emily shrugged her shoulders. "What was she going to say? Of course she told me that this is what she wanted, that it was her choice."

"Then you're going to have to let this go, Emily. You can't let fear rule your relationships. And if you create this story in your head that you're somehow a burden on Paige, that you're holding Paige back, then it's going to come true. You're going to start treating her as if it's true, and, pretty soon, she's going to start believing it. So, if she has any doubts or you have any doubts, you need to get them out in the open right away. Because, if you're living in fear, it doesn't matter how slowly you take things. It isn't going to get any better."

* * *

The day was too hot.

It was one of the hottest days on record, especially in Emily's apartment. The space was small and stuffy, and it attracted all of the heat from The Brew's kitchen.

Paige wasn't used to seeing Emily at home in unguarded moments. She was trying her best to keep her eyes on her laptop and her focus on her apartment hunt, but her head kept swiveling towards the other side of the room, where Emily was lounging with one leg resting on the arm of the reclining chair. She had nothing on but a skimpy white tank top that almost covered her stomach and a pair of black boxers. Whenever the fan oscillated in Emily's direction, it fluttered up her tank top, exposing more of her glistening, tanned skin.

All of a sudden, Emily jumped up from the chair with a large grunt. "Ahh! I can't take this heat anymore!" She ran into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator door, and leaned over into the cold air, fanning it on herself. A few minutes (and a few contented moans) later, she turned and headed back to the living room, surprised to find Paige's eyes on her.

"What's wrong?" she asked with an embarrassed smile. Paige shrugged her shoulders and muttered something in reply. "What?" Emily screeched defensively. "It's hot in here!" She lifted the bottom edge of her top and fanned her stomach with it, and, when Paige kept staring, lifted it up and flashed her chest, sticking out her tongue.

It was too much. The day was too hot.

Paige let her laptop fall to the floor as she fell on top of Emily, knocking her onto the couch. Her hands glided under Emily's top, and she started kissing her forcefully. Emily seemed to be into it, but she suddenly pulled her lips away.

"McCullers!" she yelled sharply. Immediately, Paige backed off, putting her hands in the air, looking slightly frightened that she had let herself lose control.

This was the risk of living together. Paige had worried that this day would come, if she couldn't find a place of her own soon enough. Inevitably, their libidos would outweigh their self-control, and boundaries would be smashed.

"Get down!" Emily continued, waving her hand at the side of the couch to shoo the dog away. McCullers retreated, curling up on the carpet. Emily pulled Paige back on top of her, pleading, "Don't stop!" before maneuvering Paige's hands back under her top.

_The dog. Emily had been yelling at the damned dog._

McCullers, still not used to seeing Paige and Emily together, assumed that they were play-wrestling and wanted in on the fun.

Paige laughed a little when she figured out what had happened. Emily pulled away again.

"What's so funny?"

Paige shook her head. "Nothing... nothing." She let out another laugh. "You've got to start calling her Mac."

* * *

Paige was sullen. She greeted Emily with a kiss, the way she always did, but Emily could tell that something was off. Paige could see that Emily had a lot on her mind, too.

Neither one of them was satisfied with their living arrangements. They weren't living together, and they weren't living on their own. Paige felt like a visitor in Emily's apartment, and Emily, despite the conversation that she'd had with her mother, couldn't help worrying that Paige was going to come to her senses one day and realize that she would be better off back in Iowa, back in a long-distance relationship.

Things were tense between them, and they didn't really talk about it. Instead of drawing them closer together, this period of living-together-but-not-really had actually drawn a wedge between them.

Emily realized that she had played it wrong. She should have tried to find a job in Iowa. That way, she would be the one who gave something up – being close to her family and her best friends – so that Paige could follow her dreams.

"What do you feel like for dinner?" Emily asked. That was always a reliable way to get a conversation going.

"Actually," Paige said with a serious look on her face, "could we talk first?"

Emily nodded. Paige gestured towards the couch and followed her over there, taking a seat next to her. Emily reached down and picked up McCullers, pulling her into her lap and stroking her. She needed something to hold onto.

This would affect McCullers, too. She had gotten used to having Paige around; the three of them making breakfast together on weekends, with Paige always sneaking her some bits of turkey bacon or cheese when she thought Emily wasn't looking; going to the park in the evening, where Paige would spend what felt like hours tossing her the ball with one hand and checking through Instagram with the other until McCullers was worn out and ready to go home. It was Paige who had let McCullers stake out a place for herself on the futon, even though Emily warned her that, once McCullers claimed her spot, there would be no evicting her. Paige didn't mind. She adjusted her sleeping posture so that they could coexist on the bed. Seeing the two of them fast asleep together there warmed Emily's heart. She wasn't sure which McCullers she envied the most.

Emily didn't think that Paige was going to end things with her. The worst-case scenario was that Paige would tell her that she'd decided to go back to Iowa. They could make that work. They'd made it work in the past. This time, maybe after Paige had gotten some space, they could talk about Emily moving out to Iowa, instead of Paige coming back to Rosewood.

Emily wiped her eye, trying to make it look as if she were rubbing an itch. She wasn't going to start crying. That wouldn't have been fair to Paige.

"I've been thinking that we've been going about this all wrong. This… in-between zone is just making everything hard, for both of us." Paige put her fingers under Emily's chin and tipped her head up, so that she could look her in the eye. "Em, I know how I feel about you. And the more I think about the question that everybody keeps asking us, the harder it is for me to come up with an answer. Why  _don't_ we just make it official? Move in together?"

Emily's face brightened. It felt as if a huge weight had been instantly lifted from her shoulders. "Is that what you really want?" she asked, barely able to contain her smile.

"I don't know that I've ever wanted anything more in my life."

That was saying a lot, given how driven Paige had been when she was being groomed to be a professional swimmer. But there was no denying that it was the truth.

"I've had to let a lot of things go in my life," she continued. "Well, some things, I let go of, and some were ripped from me. Some I never really had in the first place."

Paige ticked through her mental list. She'd let go of friendships and a couple of shots at relationships in high school. Swimming was ripped from her in college. And, looking back, she wasn't sure that she ever had a relationship with her parents, other than being a part of their master plan. She certainly never had a childhood.

She dipped her head down against her shoulder, to wipe a tear off of her cheek with her sleeve. She took Emily's hand. "I'm not losing you, Em," she said forcefully, shaking her head. Turning her head aside, she added, "And I know this is a really melodramatic way for me to ask you about moving in together…"

"No, no, no." Emily reached for Paige's cheek and turned her head to face her. "No, Paige. It's just what I needed to hear."

Pam had been right. Emily needed to move on from her belief that she had made Paige give up her shot at happiness. Hearing those words from Paige, she was finally able to believe what Paige had been telling her all along:  _She_ was Paige's shot at happiness.

Emily hustled McCullers to the ground and put her hands on Paige's cheeks, kissing her softly and long. The kiss seemed to melt away the barrier of tension that had grown between them. Paige leaned in, and Emily, in response, ended up leaning backwards onto the couch. The kiss grew deeper,erasing the last of the doubts and fears that had flooded her mind. She pulled Paige in closer, holding her tighter, needing that connection; needing to feel how much they belonged together, and how much they needed each other.

Emily slid her hands down to her hips and started shimmying out of her jeans. Paige's lips followed Emily's hands, making stops on the way to kiss at Emily's neck, chest, and stomach. Emily threw her head back, biting her lip in anticipation. This wasn't what they had planned for the night, but it was right. It was just what they needed.

* * *

"Hey."

Paige's voice was a whisper. Emily smiled, threading her finger through Paige's hair as she whispered back, "Hey."

"Are you okay?"

Emily nodded. "I really needed that." She kissed Paige's lips softly. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Paige kissed her back. "And I really needed it, too."

During their time in Emily's apartment, they had been very careful not to go too far, fearing that, if they got too used to the physical side of their relationship, their desire for each other would push them to rush things and move their relationship forward too fast. The result of that unspoken agreement was that their relationship had taken a giant step backwards, and not just physically. The lack of physical contact made them doubt whether the love was still there; whether they cared for each other the way that they did before. The slowly increasing distance between them was what finally took things to the point where Paige realized that a change had to come.

* * *

Paige's stomach rumbled. Emily rubbed her palm against it. "I guess you're regretting the decision not to eat before we had our chat."

Paige smirked at her. "I regret nothing!"

Emily put her hands on Paige's shoulders, shyly playing with the tips of Paige's hair. She was pretty sure that she knew the answer to the question that she was about to ask, but that didn't make it any easier to ask it. She focused her eyes on Paige's collarbone.

"So, I guess this means we can start sharing a bed tonight?"

"Well, I don't know. I think McCullers has gotten used to having someone to cuddle with."

"Paige!"

Paige kissed her. "I'd much rather cuddle with you."


	30. Let's Stay Together

"Aria's coming to help make sure that everything is feng shui-ed, Spencer will be there to help us throw out the clutter, Toby's going to help get that bathroom in livable shape, and Caleb… Well, you know. He's going to get the WiFi taken care of."

"And Hanna?"

"Yeah, I'm not really sure what Hanna's going to be doing. Probably live vlogging it."

"Oh, but she'll be there?"

"She'll definitely be there." Emily, excited, gave Paige a quick kiss. "My friends wouldn't miss this for the world."

"Wow. I feel honored. This will probably be the first time all the PLLs have been in one place since high school!"

"The PLLs?"

Paige nodded. Emily tilted her head, not getting the reference. "Oh, you guys didn't know that they called you that?"

"Who? The swim team?"

"The whole school… I even heard Mr. Chopsaw…" Paige stopped abruptly, shaking her head vigorously and putting her hands up like a stop sign. "I've probably said too much!"

"Paige…" Emily drew out the word, making it into a question.

"I… Seriously, you guys didn't know about that?"

"What does it stand for?"

" **Pretty** …" Paige emphasized that word, giving Emily a loving look to help cushion the blow. She rushed out the bad news, speaking softly and sheepishly, "Little Liars."

Emily's jaw dropped. "Really?" Paige shrugged. "Did you just make that up?" Paige shook her head. " _Liars_? What the hell? We're liars?"

"I d… I…" Paige was tongue-tied. "I don't know, Em. I don't know why they called you the PLLs or who started it. I just know that  _everybody_  said it. You really didn't know?"

Emily didn't answer. She had her phone up to her ear. "Hanna!"

"Hey, Em! I'll be there tomorrow, don't worry!"

"What's a PLL?"

"A what?"

"A PLL."

"I don't know. Is that some kind of lesbian thing?"

"No, Hanna," Emily said wearily. "It's…"

"Alexa, what's a PLL?"

Alexa obediently launched into a long, drawn out explanation of Phase-Locked Loops.

"Alexa, stop!" Hanna sighed heavily into the phone. "Okay, you just broke Alexa. Why do you care about Phase… whatever whatever?"

"It's Pretty Little Liar, Hanna. And, according to Paige, that's what everyone called us in high school."

"I'm not a liar! She's the liar! "

"She's not calling you a liar," Emily explained wearily. "She said that everyone called you, me, Aria, and Spencer the Pretty Little Liars."

"Well, I'm the pretty one, and Aria's the little one, so, I guess that leaves you and Spencer as the liars!"

* * *

Moving day was a party, with Pam supplying the food and Aria's little brother, Mike, serving as DJ. Wayne was in charge of logistics. The apartment was a converted attic in an old house, and neither Emily nor Pam would allow Wayne to exert himself going up and down the stairs with heavy boxes, not after the bout of angina that had almost gotten him honorably discharged from the National Guard. So, instead, he put his leadership and delegation skills to the best possible use, making sure that everyone kept busy and hydrated, with rest as needed.

Pam kept the empanadas coming. It was kind of a dig at Emily, who had never been able to master the dish. Pam had already told her, in not so many words, that, if she wanted to keep her girlfriend happy and fed, she would have to bring her over for dinner at least one night a week. She got no objection from Paige. Paige kind of liked having family around.

It was great to have friends and family for the move, and Paige and Emily certainly needed the help, but they could hardly wait for the last good-byes to be said, so that they could have their apartment to themselves.  _Their_  apartment. It was a big step. Even though it happened sooner than they anticipated, it was definitely not a mistake.

* * *

Two weeks later, they were still slowly climbing out of all of the boxes. They had decided to take their time, even though they really wanted to get everything unboxed and either put away or thrown away before school started in the fall.

Emily noticed Paige lingering a bit too long over a piece of paper that she had pulled out of a large, manila envelope. She walked up behind her and put her head on her shoulder. "What've you got?"

Paige looked stunned. "It's my letter of relinquishment, from my parents."

Emily didn't understand, but she could tell by the title – and by the way Paige reacted – that it wasn't good.

"Basically, my parents divorced me, after my knee. This letter declares me an adult and says that they're no longer responsible for my debts."

"Oh, Paige!"

"I got a nice little settlement out of it," Paige said with a shrug. "And, fortunately, I was still a good enough swimmer for Stanford to keep me on scholarship." Paige's head dropped. "Not a good enough swimmer for Nick and Marlene McCullers, though." She laughed bitterly. Emily hugged her around the shoulders.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly.

Paige took a step and collapsed, sitting, on the bed. She was shaking her head, trying not to break down. Waving the envelope in front of her, she mused "Just when I think they couldn't hurt me anymore…"

Emily sat next to her. She didn't know what to say, and she didn't think that her words were what Paige needed. She was there to be present and to listen. Paige put her head on Emily's shoulder and her arms around Emily's waist.

"You know, it's funny how people say that time heals all wounds. That's a load of crap." Paige reached down and rubbed her knee. "My knee's never going to heal. I spent a lot of time in rehabbing it, and a lot of time rebuilding its strength. But it's never going be the way it was before." Paige lifted her head and looked at Emily. Their faces were very close. "Time doesn't heal wounds," Paige pointed out, "but, with time, we learn how to adjust to the wounds. I used to work so hard, trying to get my parents' approval. Then I tried worked so hard, trying to prove them wrong. And there was a time when I thought that I wanted them out of my life, you know? They don't want me, so fuck them!" Paige's voice devolved into a sob. Emily clutched her tighter, rubbing her shoulder.

Paige sniffled, wiping her nose against her palm. "And, finally, I learned to live with it. They're never going to change; we're never going to be close. But they're always going to be there. And, like it or not, I wouldn't be who I am, if it weren't for them. I could stay mad at them for what they did or didn't do – just as I could be mad about my knee. But that wouldn't change things. And I don't even think that I want to change things. If it hadn't been for my knee, who knows where I'd be, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be happy. And I certainly wouldn't be here with you." Emily caressed Paige's cheek, with a sympathetic smile. "And it's the same with my parents," Paige concluded. "Like it or not, they made me who I am, and I like who I am. You don't have to be a good parent to raise a great kid."

Emily nestled her head in the crook of Paige's neck, kissing her softly there.

"I'm okay, Em. I really am. And I'm happy with where I am in life. That's not something I could honestly say for the first 20 years of it."

Emily's first thought was, "That's so sad."

But that's not what she said.

Starting off softly, she said, "I think I know what first attracted me to you." Paige looked at her with a weak smile. Emily took her hand, rubbing it between both of her own. "That first day in the pool, you were so driven, so focused. I was overwhelmed. And then, when you told me that you weren't supposed to have friends, at first, I thought it was sad, because I couldn't imagine living without my friends."

"It  _was_  sad, Em," Paige said with a sad chuckle.

"Yeah, no doubt." Emily nodded her head vigorously. "But seeing you every day in practice, or out running in the evenings when everyone else was getting ready for bed, it made me realize how strong you were. Not just that you could be so focused, but that you could do it on your own." Emily looked off to the side, unable to keep from smiling. "I always liked strong women," she said in a whisper.

It wasn't a come-on line. Emily never crossed the line between wanting to help Paige heal and, well – just  _wanting_  Paige. Still, it had the effect of a come-on line.

Paige needed what came next. They both needed what came next. They were dirty and sweaty and physically exhausted, but they were together. This was to be their life: Together: Whether times were good or bad or happy or sad.

They fell asleep without unpacking any more boxes that night. And, when they woke up, that tiny, stuffy attic was, somehow, different. It wasn't just where they lived. It was their home.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter and the line about "Together - whether times are good or bad or happy or sad" are both from the song, "Let's Stay Together" by Rev. Al Green.
> 
> Thanks for reading! 3


	31. Puppy Dogs and Penguins

Paige and Emily fought like cats and dogs. Or, perhaps more accurately, they fought like puppies. Just like puppies who were testing out their teeth, seeing how deeply they could bite before they inflicted real pain, they came at each other with no malice or hurtful intent. It wasn't about establishing dominance or even about anger; it was about figuring out boundaries and realizing how they worked together – how they  _fit_  together.

The fights were unlike any others that they'd had in the past. Back when Paige was staying in Emily's apartment, Emily would never have dared confront her the way that she did in their new place. Emily, after all, was the one who feared that everyone she loved eventually left. She wasn't willing to risk pushing Paige too far and making her decide that it wasn't worth sticking around.

Paige, similarly, guarded her words in Emily's apartment, albeit for different reasons. Growing up as the only child of domineering parents, Paige never stood a chance in an argument. When she had a disagreement with her parents, there was no use trying to fight them. She had learned to keep quiet and suck it up; to build walls between her parents and her feelings.

Things changed, once they were in a committed relationship. Emily no longer had to worry that Paige would leave, and Paige realized that she didn't want to wall off her heart from Emily. They both realized that they needed to confront their disagreements head-on; that they  _could_  confront their disagreements head-on. Conflict wasn't something to be afraid of; it was only something to be managed.

Occasionally, like fighting puppies, one of them would sink her teeth in too deeply, the other one would yelp in pain, and the offender would back off. Just as quickly, they would they would hug and assure each other of their continued love. Sometimes, the exchange left one of them was crying. More often, it left both of them crying.

The puppy phase was a necessary stage in their growth as a couple. Fortunately, as with puppies, the stage doesn't last long.

* * *

Emily came home from yoga class and found Paige sitting in front of the TV, catching up on Legends of Tomorrow. McCullers was at her side on the couch, and Paige was scratching the dog's belly with one hand as she fed herself from a bowl of yogurt and fruit with the other. McCullers raised her head briefly and wagged her tail when Emily came in, but Paige didn't seem to notice. Paige wasn't really watching the TV that intently. She had just been a bit listless for a little over a week. Emily had noticed, but they had never talked about it.

Emily walked into the living room, passing between Paige and the TV as she took a seat next to Paige on the couch. She rubbed Paige's shoulder by way of greeting. Paige wiped her lips on a napkin and kissed the top of Emily's head.

"You going to take a shower?"

"Why?" Emily laughed lightly. "Do I stink?"

"No," Paige said pleasantly. She turned her attention back to the TV. "You just always take a shower."

That was the routine. There was a bit of comfort in it. Predictability could be good. Paige kind of wanted a little bit of unpredictability once in a while, though.

"I just thought I'd hang out for a bit."

Paige nodded her head without looking over.

"Whose turn is it to make dinner?"

"It's Tuesday."

Emily nodded, slapping her hands against her thighs before standing up. "I guess I'd better get that shower, then!" She leaned over to give Paige a kiss.

"Love you," Paige said, as if on reflex.

Emily turned around and paused on the other side of the room, her stance angled with her left leg out in front of her. She nervously tapped her fists together. "Paige, are you okay?"

Paige looked up at her with a blank expression. "Uh huh!" Her tone was optimistic.

"Okay." Emily started to turn, but, instead, she asked, "Are  _we_  okay?"

"Yeah, we're fine." It sounded as if Paige didn't know why Emily was asking.

Emily stood there for another second or so, tapping her fists together another couple of times. "Okay," she said softly. She turned and left, and Paige turned back towards the television.

After Emily showered and got started in the kitchen, Paige took McCullers out for a walk. As usual. She knew about how much time they would have before Emily finished dinner, so she timed the so that they got back with a minute or so to spare. Emily greeted them with a smile. "Perfect timing," she said. "As always!"

Paige unhooked McCullers' leash and hung it on the wall. Pointing a finger at her, she commanded "Stay!" McCullers put her head down and lay down on the welcome mat while Paige went off to fetch a rag.

Emily went over and pointed her finger at their dog. "Have you been chasing squirrels again?" she asked in an accusing tone. McCullers whimpered, but she was wagging her tail as if she could tell that Emily was only fooling around.

"Guess who's been chasing squirrels again," Paige announced, when she got back with the rag. Emily smiled at Paige and gave McCullers a sympathetic pout. McCullers obligingly rolled over onto her side, and Paige rubbed the mud off of her belly. "Your legs are too short for you to go tracking through the mud!"

"Oh, her legs are long enough," Emily said. "They all reach the ground, don't they?"

"Ha ha," Paige mocked. "Somebody needs a bath!" McCullers scrambled to her feet and snorted in protest. "All right," Paige conceded. "Not tonight. Go lie down." She pointed to McCullers' bed as she said it, and McCullers happily scurried off, nestling in there with her head pointed towards the kitchen, so that she could keep an eye on things.

Emily set a plate in front of Paige and set the other in her spot and sat down. She grabbed Paige's hand, and they closed their eyes and said a quick, "Thanks!" They weren't sure whom they were thanking or how that tradition had started, but they liked it. Life had been good to them, overall, and it seemed fitting to be grateful.

* * *

"So, I was thinking." Emily tapped her fork against her plate. She glanced at Paige and quickly looked away. "There are a lot of colleges in the area. I mean, not just Danby, but all the colleges in Philly, too." She bit her lip. "I'm sure some of them would be interested in some new blood on their coaching staff." She looked over to see Paige's reaction.

Paige was caught off guard, but her face brightened at the suggestion. "Oh, Em, I think that would be great!"

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah! Any of those colleges would be lucky to have you!"

Emily laughed, the sound not escaping her throat. "I wasn't talking about  _me._  I meant  _you_!"

"Me?" Paige looked puzzled. "Why me?"

Emily put her fork down and put her hands in her lap. "I know you're not happy, Paige. It's obvious that you want more from life than you're getting as the AD at Rosewood High."

Paige shrugged her left shoulder. "I guess."

Emily took Paige's hand. "I know that leaving Iowa State was the right decision, and I'm not going to bring that up again. But that doesn't mean that you have to work at Rosewood High. I'm sure you could get another college coaching position."

Paige chuckled to herself. "Well, that job at Iowa State was good experience, but it wasn't really that great a job. I mean, you didn't see me every night when I was there. I wasn't exactly coming home doing cartwheels because I was so happy and fulfilled. And all that time I spent on the road got really old really fast. Especially now, I wouldn't want to travel all the time, now that we're finally together."

Emily nodded. She was a little frustrated. She wanted to help get Paige out of her rut, but she didn't know how.

"Well, have you thought of the kind of job you want? The kind that would give you cartwheels?"

Paige smiled. "I want  _your_  job."

"Oh!" Emily's head recoiled. After processing for a second, she nodded her head. It was time to put Paige first. "Well, I'm sure Hackett would be happy to have you as the head coach!"

Paige put her hand on Emily's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "No, that's not what I meant. I'm not after your job. I want the kind of job that makes me feel the way your job makes you feel. I want to spend all day doing something I absolutely love and come home excited and energized after work. I want to find my passion. That job is great for you, because swimming is your passion. But swimming was never something that I did for fun. It was something that I did because that's what I had been groomed to do."

"Huh." Emily nodded her head, acknowledging what Paige was telling her. "You know, the funny thing is, I hated swimming at first. I only did it because Hanna did it."

"So, what changed?"

"Well, one week, these interns from Penn State came in to help out at the Community Center. And one of them taught our class one day. But before she took us to the pool, she took us into a classroom with a TV in the front. She asked us, 'Who here likes to swim?' and only a few girls raised their hands. Then she said, 'Who here would like to learn how to fly?' and, of course, we all got excited and wanted to learn how to fly. Then, she turned on the TV and showed us a video of a bunch of penguins walking around clumsily on land. She said, 'These are penguins. Most grown ups think that penguins can't fly, but I'll tell you a secret: They can!' Then, the video showed the penguins underwater, and it was amazing all the things they could do - twist, turns, spins. We were all watching with our mouths open, amazed. She clicked off the video and said, 'See, kids? Swimming is just flying underwater!' "

Paige, who had been listening with the same rapt attention as the kids in Emily's story, slapped her hands against the table. Emily, startled, flinched in her chair, laughing once she got over the initial shock. McCullers, similarly, growled at first before deciding that everything was okay. "That's what I want!" Paige said enthusiastically. "I want the kind of job where I can make a difference in kids' lives! Change their whole perspective and give them the love for the sport that I never had."

She stood up and started walking around in circles, thinking it through. "We could do it, Em! We could start a school – call it the Flying Penguins, or something like that; that's just one idea. I could get funding! That's what I trained for at Stanford – raising venture capital. Oh, man! That would be so awesome!" Paige, wearing a massive smile, turned to look at Emily. Emily was laughing quietly, enjoying Paige's enthusiasm. Paige got hit by a dose of cold reality. "I'm being stupid, aren't I?"

"No," Emily assured her, trying to look serious but unable to stop smiling. "I think it's great. I mean, I just haven't seen you this enthusiastic about something in a while."

Paige's shoulders dropped. "But?"

Emily shook her head. "But nothing! I think we should go for it!"

Paige knew her too well. She raised her eyebrows and stared deeply at Emily.

"Paige, it's a great idea, really. But I was just thinking… Well, my Mom and Dad never would have been able to afford to send me to a program like that. If it hadn't been for the Community Center…" Emily pouted, seeing how her words had deflated Paige. "But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't go for it, Paige! We should do it."

"No," Paige said glumly, "I didn't think about that. I don't want to compete with the Community Center. Lord knows there aren't a lot of organizations in Rosewood for people who aren't super-rich." Slowly, a smile worked its way back onto Paige's face. "But, maybe we don't have to compete with the Community Center. Maybe we could structure a program and work with the Center. I could raise some funds, we could get some construction grants and expand their swimming program so that it's not just putting kids in the pool, but it's a holistic approach to health and well-being."

"Oh, yeah! We could teach nutrition and… positive body image and…"

"And, for older kids, we could teach life-skills like opening a bank account and making a budget…"

Emily stood up and kissed Paige. "God – do you really think that we could do it?"

"Baby, with you at my side, I think we could do anything!" Paige laughed out loud. "No, but, seriously, I think we could do it. I'm already writing the business plan in my head!"

As they went back to eating their food, Emily kept looking at Paige, unable to stop smiling. She loved seeing Paige so passionate.

* * *

After dinner, they made out on the couch. It had been a while since they had done that, not as a prelude to sex, but just because they wanted to. It felt like the early days of their relationship, when they couldn't keep their lips off of each other.

"Do you remember our first kiss?"

Emily giggled. "Of course not! We were both too young."

"I'm not talking about the first time you kissed me, or even the first time I kissed you. I'm talking about  _our_  first kiss; the first time we kissed each other."

"In front of your hotel room at the Radley?"

Paige nodded. "You were so bold," she said, teasing Emily's hair with her fingers, "taking that step after we had been doing that hesitation dance around each other for so long."

Emily smiled, looking away. "I actually wasn't that bold," she admitted. "I only kissed you because I thought that you were going to kiss me. And, by the time I figured out that you weren't, it was too late to back off."

Paige smiled at this revelation. "Well," she said, thinking it over, "maybe I  _was_  going to kiss you."

"Were you?"

"I mean, I wasn't planning it in my head," Paige admitted, "but we always had this...  _thing_  between us, you know? Like, we could always count on each other to have each other's back. Like, before a big race if you were having an off-day, you would give me a look, without saying a word, but I knew what you meant."

"And you would nod, and I knew you had my back."

"Exactly! And when you kissed me, it was because you knew I had your back." Paige shook her head, reveling in the memory. "I don't know about you, but I've never had that kind of connection with anyone - in or out of the pool."

Emily laughed. "Is that why you told me that I was a good teammate?" As if prodding Paige's memory, she added, "That night, at The Brew, before I left for Pomona?"

Paige laughed at her younger self. "I flew all the way out from California to see you, and that was the best I could come up with?" Paige exhaled heavily. "I wish I could've told you what I was really thinking."

Emily teased her finger down Paige's chest. "Tell me now," she said softly.

Paige maneuvered Emily onto her back and straddled her, looking down as she spoke. "Emily," she said in a soft, deep voice, "You're a  _great_  teammate!"

She got up and ran away at that, with Emily chasing after. When she crossed the threshold into the bedroom, she stopped abruptly and turned around, sweeping Emily off of her feet. Emily squealed as Paige tossed her onto the bed. She looked up at Paige with lust and anticipation. Paige was looking down at her with the same look. It had been a good night. It was about to get a whole lot better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... that's a wrap!
> 
> Massive thank-yous to subway20 for all of the support and ideas for this story going back to last year, when it was nothing more than a couple of ideas rolling around in my head.
> 
> By the way, looking back on the story, I kind of wish I'd titled it "The Kisses that Formed Us," and put more emphasis on the kisses from the different phases of their relationship. Oh well! :(
> 
> Thanks for reading! I honestly love you all! 3


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